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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not cutting up grapes for my DD's 3rd Birthday party?

211 replies

cookinmama · 31/01/2011 21:51

It was my DD's birthday party at the weekend, I laid on a fab spread of food for the kids, ham & cheese sandwiches, mini sausages, some monster munch (DD's favourite) and some fruit namely Strawberries and grapes. Was a bit taken a back though when one of the other mum's grabbed the bowl of grapes away from her child, causing a bit of a tantrum and was then shocked to hear her tell her child that they weren't allowed them as they were not cut up. Hmm So should I have cut them in half or was the other mum being a bit PFB?

OP posts:
SpeedyGonzalez · 01/02/2011 21:44

Yes, weefriend. Surely if you injure, say, a person's diaphragm in the act of dislodging a choke hazard, that's better than letting them die?

bigbeagleeyes · 01/02/2011 21:44

My son has recently taken to throwing grapes in the air and catching them in his mouth. He says he saw it on u-tube...he's 15 for fucks sake!

jellybeans · 01/02/2011 21:46

Mine knew not to eat full graoes at parties while they were under 5ish as heard so many horror stories and my DS choked badly 3 times, two were on an apple, and he was about 3 at the time. Luckily with abit of fingers down the throat both times it was dislodged but it was so scary i would rather look precious than risk it with a little one. I would always chop in half for parties. It amazes me when mums give their tiny babies/toddlers full grapes.

oldbeforetime · 01/02/2011 21:48

Lax mother here - I've never cut grapes. As young children the only incidents of choking I had to deal with apple segments.

MadameOvary · 01/02/2011 21:49
orangepoo · 01/02/2011 21:51

YABU.

Regardless of whether you cut grapes up for your own children, I think it is wrong to assume that all the children at a preschooler's party will be OK with whole grapes. I don't think you should have spent time cutting them up, I think you should have just not served grapes. I am not being PFB. My PFB eats whole grapes. I just think it is an unnecessary risk at a small child's party.

Original poster
cookinmama · 01/02/2011 22:07

I can see why some people do feel the need to chop them up but as several other posters have commented kids can choke on practically anything. The reason I served them is they are healthy and easy, and it never even occurred to me that other mothers of 3 year olds still did this for their children. Think it is a case of different strokes for different folks, and i don't think it was a crime of the century as there was no harm done.

OP posts:
mum295 · 01/02/2011 22:10

My friend's DS choked on a grape, luckily she found medical help quickly in the street and all was well.

In spite of that, my DD is 2.5 and I don't cut up grapes for her any more. I just don't leave her unsupervised if she's eating them. TBH, if she eats any fruit at the moment, it's cause for celebration!

I did cut them up when she was smaller.

SpeedyGonzalez · 01/02/2011 22:23

A genuine question re choking on grapes: are these children swallowing them whole? My DS is 4 and has never choked on any food. Nor has DD, 8 months - she gags, but knows very well how to handle food and soon brings it up.

GColdtimer · 01/02/2011 22:24

Speedy please don't telle you give your 8 month old uncut grapes? dd was also a proper food baby but you have to accept se foods are risky. And why the scorn for a mother who cuts them up for a toddler? After dd's serious choking incident I will be cutting them up and you cam laugh at me all you want. Hmm

MrsKrumpet · 01/02/2011 22:34

ok now I feel really worried about all the dangerous things I've let my kids do....

From now on I resume grape-cutting. Are blueberries ok? Some of them can be quite large.

Please will someone list all the other things I need to do or avoid?

Know-nothing Krumpet

SpeedyGonzalez · 01/02/2011 22:34

Actually DD can't chew the skins of lots of foods (she has no teeth!) so at the moment I remove tough skins from grapes and butter beans. And I don't give her dark green leafy veg for the same reason. But once she has molars, yes, I will give her whole grapes.

I'm sorry that your child choked on grapes, haven't read your post so I'm hoping/ assuming that everything was okay afterwards. It must have been extremely scary for you. But as I said earlier a child can choke on anything and children need to learn how to handle foods properly. By age 3 they really shouldn't need grapes to be cut for them. How long do you intend to cut up grapes for your DC, and do you plan to teach them at some point how to handle grapes safely?

Nicdigby, can you explain what you meant here: "Grapes and cherry tomatoes are major causes of choking because when a child bites into one, occasionally there is a squirt of liquid that goes backwards and hits the throat. This causes a reflex that makes us breath in suddenly, which causes the food item to be sucked into the windpipe. If it's a whole grape, it's the perfect size for a pre-schooler to stick in their windpipe with no air getting round it. And they choke."

  • Surely if the child has bitten into the fruit and released the liquid (which has made them inhale)...then the fruit is no longer "a whole grape"?
mole1 · 01/02/2011 22:36

My dd2 has severe SN so increased risk, but even with cutting grapes in half, I've had to deal with a choking incident with a grape. Now I don't feed her grapes at all - maybe OTT but the difficulty I had in shifting that half grape is something I don't want to repeat.

mole1 · 01/02/2011 22:38

Yes children can choke on anything, but I think there is medical evidence that grapes in particular can be very difficult to shift once they get stuck.

Meglet · 01/02/2011 22:44

mrskrumpet I had the same panic too, now I squash blueberries for the dc's Blush.

MrsKrumpet · 01/02/2011 22:47

Meglet - mmmmm squashed blueberries yumski.... I think I will quarter them Wink

GColdtimer · 01/02/2011 22:52

Speedy, dd, nearly 5, bit into a grape as always bur laughed at the same time. I think she inhaled quickly. Because grapes are about the same size asi child's windpipe they can get stuck. Because of the shape and texture they are hard to dislodge. I think that is what happened to my dd. I was one back slap away from calling an Ambulance. They are one of thefew foods I have ever worried about.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 22:52

I am sure blueberries will be absolutely fine, as are garden peas and baked beans...

GColdtimer · 01/02/2011 23:09

And yes, children can choke on anything but Some foods are proven to be risky than others. I had taught her to eat properly. We did blw weaning so she managed food well from an early age. It was just one of those thing and had she been eating an orange rather than a grape she would have been fine I am sure. I will probably stop cutting grapes up when the image of her panic stricken face despatetely trying to gasp for air goes out of my head!

I stl think you should cut up grapes for 3 year olds, especially at a party because however well you have taught them, children do tend to forget the rules.

LadyBiscuit · 02/02/2011 08:33

Actually a very fat blueberry was the only thing that got stuck when my DS was a baby. I had to grab him out of the highchair and whack him on the back to get it out

HSMM · 02/02/2011 08:41

I am a CM and we were specifically told to cut grapes and cherry tomatoes in half for under 5s, due to choking risks.

At my DD's 5th birthday party, I cut grapes for 30 children in half, because I didn't want to be doing first aid while I was there.

This parent should not have made a big fuss though, she should either have asked for a knife, or simply bitten them in half.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/02/2011 08:54

I nearly choked on a grape once. A friend and I were having a contest to see who could fit the most in our mouth.
I won! Grin But having my friend slap me on my back whilst I coughed out aload of grapes was not a very good prize.

thehairybabysmum · 02/02/2011 09:08

I had stopped cutting up grapes for both mine but resumed after reading about the 3.5 year old who died and the windpipe size stuff that i most likely read on here.

Also a little girl choked on an uncut grape at my ds's 4th birthday party, she was fine though sick all over the table as a result of her coughing.

I am also now paranoid re sausages after my ds2 seriously choked on one at a BBQ (we couldnt dislodge it at first and he started to pass out, eyes rolled and knees buckled...not pleasant).

I am generally pretty slack about most stuff and not PFB about things but am a bit paranoid about these two food items!!

However the mum at the party was v. rude and OTT in her reaction...i cut grapes up at home but wouldnt prevent either of my two eating them when out.

Gemsy83 · 02/02/2011 09:13

I cant believe some of the utterly stupid and dismissive attitudes on here. Grapes and sausages are one of the major choking hazards foods wise. 'But they could swallow a battery as easy' uhhm serve them a watch battery then- far less likely to get lodged in the windpipe bangs head against nearest brick wall

begonyabampot · 02/02/2011 09:21

difference is once you know that there is a specific danger with grapes and if you didn't reduce the risk by cutting them and something happened - you would never be able to forgive yourself. I can't believe some people are being so blase about this. Even if you are supervising, you wouldn't be able to stop a young child from swallowing one whole whether by accident or whatever. I remember crying when I read the story of the little boy who choked to death at the check out in Tescos. Doctors, experts, parents here who have experienced it are all saying that with grapes there is an added risk factor but you are ignoring that advice at the possible risk to your child.