Not cutting up grapes for my DD's 3rd Birthday party?

[cookinmama]

It was my DD's birthday party at the weekend, I laid on a fab spread of food for the kids, ham & cheese sandwiches, mini sausages, some monster munch (DD's favourite) and some fruit namely Strawberries and grapes. Was a bit taken a back though when one of the other mum's grabbed the bowl of grapes away from her child, causing a bit of a tantrum and was then shocked to hear her tell her child that they weren't allowed them as they were not cut up. So should I have cut them in half or was the other mum being a bit PFB?

Bubblewrapped it takes what seconds to cut a grape in half- can you not be arsed or something even after hearing what can happen? I have just deleted the graphic part of the post detailing what happens when a child chokes but im sure it would have only affected those who already have common sense anyway and the others would continue arguing 'but even biscuits are dangerous'

The baby who choked on a jelly cube though- I dont think they need a warning on jelly packets other than if you are of little brains please dont have kids and allow them to eat totally unsuitable things for their age

I think I am pretty laid back about many things but choking is a major couse of death in children under 4 years old and things like grapes and cherry tomatoes are particularly bad in that they are difficult to dislodge when stuck so I always tend to cut them up.

I also am pretty anal about children eating while they are running around. I am always astounded when parents allow young children to run around with sweets/lollies in their mouths .

I also don't like to see children laughing too much while they have food in their mouths as this can lead to choking too.

Then again I have ridden in taxis/cars without a car seat for ds occasionally so I appreciate everyone decided what risks they want to take.

I have oosted this before, but my friend's 2 year old DD choked on a grape and died, despite my friend being in the room with her and despite the paramedic living next door trying to save her. Unsuprisingly she is now completely paranoid and has to cut up her two toddlers food into tiny pieces, I expect she'd react pretty dramatically to whole grapes being available at a child's party.

OP - like you I do not cut up grapes for my DS1(8) or my DS3(2).

Both my DS's know that they have to bite and chew their food. DS3 will regularly help himself to things in the fridge with his favourites being grapes and cherry tomatoes which he will have munched before I even realised he is in the fridge.

I will probably get flamed for this but Mumsnet can sometimes have the effect of making you feel like a bad parent because you do or don't do things with your DC that people disagree with or opening refute you for. I say we all know our children best and no one else can judge what we think our children are capable of dealing with i.e. eating whole foods or not.

I, for one, know that if I ever cut up my DS1's grapes for him I would be faced with a barrage of comments about him not being a baby and to be fair I agree with him. As far as DS3 is concerned, I know that he chews everything that is put into his mouth and has done even before he had teeth.

I may be a lax mum but my DC are happy and very health.

Cut up 2.9 yr old dd's grapes for her today for the first time since she was about 1!

"Always cut grapes ..they are not only the perfect size for choking but they fill the windpipe with no gaps making it impossible to get it own or get air past it!! I wont take the risk for the sake of cutting them in half and i react the same a parties where my dd 2 could get hold of a whole grape!"

Definately always cut them up, a good friend who is a paramedic told me that if the ever get a 999 call involving a grape choking incident in a child they are pretty much certain to not survive.

i'm ridiculously paranoid over choking, it's my biggest phobia concerning my DD.

for those mothers that weren't aware of the risk, fair enough, but those that were and still think the risk is worth taking - MENTAL. how the hell could you want to risk it? your child should be the most precious thing in the world, why wouldn't you want to protect him/her at all costs?

i understand that sometimes we all take risks, we are only human, but please not for this. it's far more common that you'd imagine and well done to those who teach their child to bit in half. i'll be doing that with my DD when she's old enough.

i went on a first aid course last year and was told that grapes and jelly cubes were lethal.

i'm going to sound ridiculous but does this apply to jelly (once set?) i'm scared to give it to DD as it's so slippery.

They dont cut the grapes at my DS's playschool.

I've never cut a grape in my life

He is 2.6 btw, and most of the children are under 4.

I still cut grapes now and DS is certainly not a toddler, too many horror stories and for the sake of an extra few seconds its not worth leaving them whole.

I will let him have lollies on the odd occasion (most children give them out at school for birthdays) but he knows he has to sit still with it and dispose of any hard boiled ones if they come away from the stick.

A quick whiz through this thread shows that the danger foods are:

Grapes (especially competitive grape-eating! ;) )
Cherry tomatoes
Sausages
Jelly cubes
Strawberries
Bananas
Apples
Breast milk

Perhaps we should just stop our kids from eating altogether?

I do understand people's fears, and I'm sorry for offending some of you with my first post. But your perception of risk is far greater than the actuality. And unless you teach your children to manage foods properly, the actual risks to them will be higher than is necessary.

YABU
I dont cut them up since my DD started eating them approx 9mo

Rubbish Speedy - the one food that constantly comes up, especially by medical experts is grapes. You do what you want and I'll continue to follow the experts advice on this for my kids safety and for peace of mind.

Right, after a bit of research I have found some statistics on children's accidents. It's not perfect, as it's covering two different years, but it's from a reliable source.

In 2001 156 children died in car accidents.

In 2005 98 children died from 'home' injuries, a category which includes choking (i.e. choking was not the only cause of those 98 deaths; and an even smaller number of choking accidents would have been caused by grapes).

source here

I presume you would not think twice about placing your child in a car? That's because your perception of the risk factors tells you, despite the evidence, that children are generally safe in cars - or that you believe you can make your children safe in cars.

Our perception of risk is what counts.

My 2 daughters are 11 years old and 3 months old. My eldest actually choked on a grape when she was 2 and I dislodged it with a good whack on the back. Consequently I have read this thread with a very cold chill indeed. But then she also choked on bread and on something runny (might have been soup) at different times as a preschooler.

Still though not once in the last 11 years have I ever heard anywhere that grapes posed an especial risk. It seems I am far from the only MNer who had never been aware of this before. I've seen children eating bisected grapes, but then I've also seen children eating good number of things chopped up in ways I wouldn't bother with (eg sandwiches with the crusts off). There is no compulsory A-Level in Motherhood, there is no one place in which we as parents learn about these things. Some of the hostility on this thread for whole-grape mothers like me has been utterly unfair.

My DGC have never had grapes cut up for them.Have always had seedless grapes and Miss 7 went through a stage of wanting them peeled.

We also freeze the grapes for them and they bite into them like lollies.

Well I will certainly be making sure my babys grapes are well chopped or squashed before giving to him even though he bites everything pm thank yet everyone for sharing your stories . Some are very sad :-( . Ill always make sure im extra careful.

Mine are 16 and 12 and have happily survived in spite of the 12 year old choking on a marble when she was 2 (quick turn upside down and bang on the back from the doctor next door did the trick - although 999 was dialled). Never heard of grape choking and have never cut up a grape for either of them. Do for fruit salad though - they look prettier.

The moral I suppose is if you have a big gap don't allow the older child age appropriate toys because no mother can pick up every single scrap of hoover food.

I never used to cut grapes up but then my DD choked on one. She was ok but it was very frightening. I believe grapes are easy to choke on

I don't understand how a parent can say "my dc is 2, I never cut up grapes, I know them, they know how to chew their food" Many posters have said that on this thread.

They are 2 fgs!

Would you say "My child knows not to touch a hot mug of tea, so I leave them on a low table"
"My child knows not to fall down the stairs so I don't have a stair gate"
"My child knows not to walk on a busy road so I let him run along the pavement"

2 year olds are known for making mistakes-that's how they learn.

I personally was told by a health professional 20 years ago to cut up grapes.
But after all the stories on here, I really don't get how a mother can say "I will continue not to cut up grapes" Are you serious? Genuine question.

Grapes/tomatoes and the tops of sausages have rounded smooth edges. They are different to other choking hazards because once they are stuck - the throat muscles tighten both above and below. It's their shape and texture. Yes of course you can choke on other bits of food - but if you fall unconcious the throat muscles normally relax and with patting on the back, in most cases its disloged. Most foods have a rough edge that the throat muscles can get hold of. This doesn't happen with grapes/tomatoes/top ends of hotdogs.

cutting them in half does the trick.

The reason we know more principle choking hazards is because data from hospitals has been collected.

I hate it when people say 'well back in the 70's we were fine eating.' Actually, no lots more children died of choking hazards then.

Great post daytoday. That really does get to the crux of the matter, the fact that grapes etc are different, and need extra extra care.

It really is awful that every parent in the country are not made aware of the info you have posted.