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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband does not want to spend his birthday evening with me and I feel hurt !

264 replies

cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:10

My dh spends lots of time at work and has a really demanding job. I really appreciate the fact that for the moment I can be at home with our dds. But today is his birthday and I wanted to make a special meal for him he wanted to go out with work mates and is going to be back late. I'm at home now drinking and feeling a bit sorry for myself AIBU ?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 28/01/2011 19:12

no yanbu IMO

i mean, it's his birthday so up to him what he does I guess... but it's a bit sad that he doesn't want to spend it with you :(

couldn't he have gone out with work friends another night?

megapixels · 28/01/2011 19:14

YANBU. It sounds pretty hurtful.

Greenwing · 28/01/2011 19:15

YANBU!
No wonder you feel sorry for yourself. Poor you. Did you tell him in advance how you feel?
What about the dds? Don't they get to celebrate Daddy's birthday?
Shock

Original poster
cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:16

Yes he does go out with them other nights and I don't make a fuss about it. He did not even invite me this evening which makes me feel worse. Stuck at home drinking on my own while kids are watching DVD

OP posts:
Original poster
cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:20

Yes I did tell him I was hurt. We had a birthday breakfast with the kids he had cake with candles presents cards etc god feeling even more annoyed now ! I think they are hoping to see him tonight which just is not going to happen as they go to bed by 8

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 19:21

seeing alarm bells here, sorry Sad

fannyfoghorn · 28/01/2011 19:22

I would be very hurt by this.

bubblewrapped · 28/01/2011 19:23

To be fair, you had a bit of a birthday cake and presents with the kids this morning.. his workmates probably want to buy him a birthday drink.. you could always do him a nice meal tomorrow.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 28/01/2011 19:23

Seeing the same ones as AF... he would rather spend his birthday with 'people from work' than his family and on top of that he didn't even invite you?? I'd have told him not to bother coming home... at all.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 19:24

bubble...they had a bit of birhtday cake and presents like when ?

at 7am this morning, before he went to work ?

very, very poor show from him

and there is more to this

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/01/2011 19:27

Being uncynical, he sounds selfish.

Being cynical, I would wonder who is more important than his wife and daughters that he wants to spend time with.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 19:28

YANBU - and I'm afraid the alarm bells are ringing here too. Even if my workmates were desperate to buy me a birthday drink I'd say no thanks - I'd just want to be at home, with my family, having a lovely meal and blowing out the candles.

Did he say where he was going with the 'people from work', and do you know who was going? I think I might be quizzing him a bit more Sad

PeachesandStrawberry · 28/01/2011 19:29

That's awful

YANBU.

nextchapter · 28/01/2011 19:29

BIG alarm bells for me. For me and my friends it goes without saying that the birthday night is for the family and if friends can be incorporated into that, that how lovely..e.g. a meal. If not, which is more than likely, we all get together at the weekend for a meal or drinks. Very odd. I'd be asking a lot of questions

Original poster
cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:31

Yes I know who he's out with and no I don't assume an affair but I do think he is fucking selfish.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 19:32

ok then

why are you putting up with it ?

kittybuttoon · 28/01/2011 19:32

YANBU - and time to follow the sound of those ringing alarm bells, imo.

Lamorna · 28/01/2011 19:33

YANBU, he has a family and it is a family occasion. I would get him to sit down and have a frank discussion about your relationship.

Jux · 28/01/2011 19:33

YANBU. He's being a selfish jerk. Stern words.

berri · 28/01/2011 19:33

Do you mind me asking how old your DH is? And how old your DDs are?

I'm probably going against the grain here but if my DH was offered a load of free drinks and a night out, I bet you he'd take it...although I'm not saying that's the right thing for him to do.

So I'm saying YANBU, at all, just that I'm sure he wouldn't be the only one to have chosen a boozy night out over coming home on his birthday.

Are your DDs old enough to realise he's not come home?

Hope you can have a lovely weekend together and that he's not too hungover to enjoy it.

mommmmyof2 · 28/01/2011 19:34

YANBU- I would also feel hurt

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 19:34

I think a bloke that swerves his family on a Friday nigh when it is his birthday has a huge potential to lie to you

I wouldn't be accepting his version of who he was out with, tbh

nor his reasons why he was prioritising whoever it is over his own family

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 19:34

Fucking selfish is one way of looking at it! Are you absolutely sure someone isn't covering for him, or there isn't going to be someone else there? Sorry - I would normally never think this, but birthday celebrations are usually for the most important people in your life (IMO)

Casmama · 28/01/2011 19:35

I think he probably is just being selfish - his workmates are probably unlikely to come out on a saturday to celebrate his birthday but as a family you could go out for dinner etc tomorrow night so maybe he just wants the best of both worlds. I certainly wouldn'[t assume that he is up to no good.

DuelingFanjo · 28/01/2011 19:35

how would he feel if you were to go out with your mates and leave the kids with him on your birthday?

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