My husband does not want to spend his birthday evening with me and I feel hurt !

[cazza40]

My dh spends lots of time at work and has a really demanding job. I really appreciate the fact that for the moment I can be at home with our dds. But today is his birthday and I wanted to make a special meal for him he wanted to go out with work mates and is going to be back late. I'm at home now drinking and feeling a bit sorry for myself AIBU ?

i dont see any alarm bells tbh.

he had cake and cards with his children in the morning and can have a birthday meal sat

is op's dh not allowed to have a few drinks with friends ON HIS BIRTHDAY

yes, i like to have a meal with hubby on my birthday (we dont have kids) and then go out with friends on the weekend

it would have been nice to be invited as well, but if was also a works do, would it all be men and would op know anyone really?

dh doesnt go on drinks works do's of mine

Mumsnet really is a useful window into the minds if the stupid.

Only a halfwit could think the issue here is about a man "not being allowed" to go for a pint on his birthday.

The permission people seem to hold the view that men must be encouraged to please themselves at all times and that anything, including love, that might provide any reason for considering others is an unbearable curtailment of their freedom. (Women, of course, are nit free. In any sense. They are both tied down and bought and paid for. Also, a woman being upset is of no import and just stuff and nonsense. Only men's feelings count.)

Laquit

do you really think it is clingy to repeatedly ask your husband whether he wants a meal on his birthday if he is being non-commital about it?

Sometimes people behave in clingy or desperate ways because they are being treated coldly and are attempting to find a way to break through. It's ineffective, but I don't blame them for it.

Was going to post again

Have seen spidookly is doing a grand job of it

Gets frustrated by people applying their own made-up scenarios to the thread after having obviously not read it all (or too stupid to understand it), and brushing off the fact that OP was upset which is why she posted in the first place

So, I shall go and clean the bathroom instead

spidookly yes i do. And i recognise it because have done it my self - with an ex.

I agree with you that it is a reaction to being treated coldly. But then the harder you try the more you push the other person away. It is a circle. It becomes exhusting.

so funny that pple are arguing over this whilst the OP has moved on.

Love it, if you don't agree you are stupid.

It's the quality of the disagreement rather than the fact of disagreement that I object to.

There are plenty of ways to see this, but "poor man not allowed to go out" is verging on imbecility.

Sure Laquit, but then why berate the OP for being clingy rather than sympathising with how shit she feels?

Spidookly is on the nail today.

Anyfucker thanks, just the motivation I needed to go and do my bathroom!

I like anyfucker

She is cool!

spidookly, you are trying to make something that is not there.

I did not berate the OP. I've been there myself.

I did sympathize with her being upset. Read my first post. I was trying to help op. This was the purpose of the thread and not to release our own aggression. I didn't have to scream 'he is bastard' .

You are obviousely trying to put words into my mouth. I don't know if you are having a bad day or we have 'met' before.

Anyway, got to collect my dcs now...

The thing is, just because someone's upset, doesn't necessarily make them right.
We don't actually know for sure whether the H is a selfish tosser who's out twice a week every week but never gives his DW the chance of any adult company or a night out with her friends, or whether the OP is a whining klingon who the bloke wants to escape from on a regular basis.

Well - what we do know is that:-

He goes out often with the people from work
He knew his wife & kids wanted to spend his birthday with him
She does go out with her friends and he's fine with that
It's not a 'lads' night out with mates - it's work colleagues

So, what we can extrapolate from that is that although he knew his wife & kids would be upset, he chose to go out with the people from work to celebrate his birthday and further more chose to exclude his wife from this celebration.

So, either he's a selfish tosser who needs to sort out his priorities OR she's a cling on that he wants to escape from - either way, this relationship is not, at this moment in time, a happy one and unless the issues are discussed and sorted out, it will only get worse.

However, as we've hardly heard from the OP all day, I assume all is forgiven and they are having a nice family day whilst we debate the issue