to not wear anything in bed ....?

[Tillyscoutsmum]

I've never worn anything to sleep in - it makes me hot and uncomfortable and I can't sleep properly.

I have a lovely step daughter who is 7. I have been in her life since she was 15 months old and I would like to say that we are close. Her mum is fine and we've never had any issues. Its all pretty friendly and civil.

My dsd stays over one night per week and two nights every other weekend and half the school holidays. She is an early riser and will come into our bedroom in the morning and invariably climbs into bed for a cuddle with DH.

DH received an email from his ex saying that dsd had mentioned I don't wear any clothes and would it be possible for me to wear some pj's because she thinks its inappropriate for dsd to see me naked

We are a very "open" family but I appreciate that dsd's mum does things differently (she has, for example, always shut the bathroom door when she goes to the loo/showers). I personally find it slightly odd, but each to their own ..

I was initially quite angry at the prospect of being told what to wear in my own bed but AIBU ?

I think the step thing makes it a little bit trickier, but in general I'd say that you should do what you like in your own bed, and if your dsd becomes uncomfortable about it then she will stop getting into bed with you and her dad. I'm amazed that he lets her get out of her own bed so early though - my children get into our bed when they have had nightmares only. There are some very odd comments on this thread though - how can sleeping in your own bed be 'flaunting' anything. I assume that most people sleep under covers?

I am a pjs person myself but dh sleeps naked. He finds it very difficult to sleep with clothes on, whereas I really can't sleep naked. The children's wishes (not that they care) do not form part of these considerations. They can do what they like in their bedrooms (vis a vis what they wear in bed at least!) and so can we. We tend to push the door shut when in the bathroom, although I do have to be careful when the children have their friends around, as we know them so well I can forget that they aren't actually ours. I think that they woudl be hugely embarrassed to come across either of us peeing, but it doesn't seem to bother our own children, and ds (11) is still happy to chat with me when I am in the bath.

I wouldn't say that anyone who didn't behave in a similar way was odd or repressed, but I'm not sure why people are so convinced that children who aren't letting you know that they are bothered need protecting in some way from nakedness. I still talk to my mother when she is in the bath and she is in her 70s - gives me a bit of an inkling as t what is in store for me in a few decades :)

I really don't see the problem with you being naked. You're her step mum, not some random stranger. If the child was embarrassed, fine - there might be a reason to cover up. But otherwise it's just normal and natural.

I do not think that there is any malice in what the mother is asking. YANBU but I would respect the mother's wishes because personally I would not want my daughter in bed with a naked adult. This is not because I would be worried of anything sexual but because I think it would start to make the child feel uncomfortable.

I think that you would BU if you did not do as she asked or you need to stop your dsd from coming into your bed. But that would be a shame.

I have never worn anything in bed and it was never a problem with my DC. There just came an age - around 6 or 7 I think - when they stopped getting in bed and started bringing a blanket in to cuddle up on top of the bed instead.

Where's your DH in all of this? Does he sleep naked too? What does he think about the situation?

I agree with plentyofparsnips. They stop getting in and then they stop altogether. I would suggest that she is getting to the age where she would stop naturally.
I think it would cause more embarrssment with you having to say 'give me 2 mins'or they watch you writhe around under the covers getting something on!
If you go to someone's house you take them as you find them!

In answer to your q's PlentyofParsnips, DH does sleep naked. Nothing has been mentioned about that which is partly what makes me think dsd is not uncomfortable with the nudity thing (yet !) but was just commenting on it in passing. I think her mum perhaps thought she couldn't really tell DH what he should or shouldn't wear with his own dd, but could express an opinion about me ? Or maybe dsd hasn't mentioned it to her because there is no direct comparison ("Mum, how come you wear pj's because * doesn't ?" type of conversation ?)

He also thinks it is a bit out of order of her to say anything tbh, but he is keen not to rock the boat (as am I)

Anyway, I have purchased short and vest pj's today (thank you Asda )

Thanks again everyone - its been interesting

I think it can be really positive for children to grow up seeing their parents naked - because it may well be the only alternative they see to airbrushed images of nudity in magazines, and it sets a far more normal standard of physical appearance.

I'm very pleased that my parents were always happy to walk round naked in front of us (I don't think my dad started putting a dressing gown on until I was 11 or so), and now DH and I are both perfectly happy to stroll round the house naked.

oops - posted without seeing that this seems to have become a controversial issue half-way down the thread. Really don't mean to say that those who aren't walking around naked in front of their children are ruining their children's body image forever - just wanted to share my views on the positive aspects of nudity.

But then I have a great body and feel the world should see it