Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not wear anything in bed ....?

108 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 27/01/2011 10:18

I've never worn anything to sleep in - it makes me hot and uncomfortable and I can't sleep properly.

I have a lovely step daughter who is 7. I have been in her life since she was 15 months old and I would like to say that we are close. Her mum is fine and we've never had any issues. Its all pretty friendly and civil.

My dsd stays over one night per week and two nights every other weekend and half the school holidays. She is an early riser and will come into our bedroom in the morning and invariably climbs into bed for a cuddle with DH.

DH received an email from his ex saying that dsd had mentioned I don't wear any clothes and would it be possible for me to wear some pj's because she thinks its inappropriate for dsd to see me naked

We are a very "open" family but I appreciate that dsd's mum does things differently (she has, for example, always shut the bathroom door when she goes to the loo/showers). I personally find it slightly odd, but each to their own ..

I was initially quite angry at the prospect of being told what to wear in my own bed but AIBU ?

OP posts:

Ihavebeencreditcrunched · 27/01/2011 10:46

I also sleep naked, just can't understand the notion of wearing clothes in bed.

If dsd is comfortable then it shouldn't be an issue

2old4thislark · 27/01/2011 10:48

I used to sleep naked and my DC's used to climb into bed with me. But there came a time when I just felt I should wear something. I started out with knickers and a vest and now wear a cotton nightie that's like a long vest. DH still sleeps naked but at least has some pants next to the bed.

I think I was a mentally scarred as my mother went naked far too long into my childhood. The memory still haunts me

LDNmummy · 27/01/2011 10:49

All this stigma around the human body is what breeds perversion in the first place. YANBU, its your home and your right. If its that big a deal then she should be told not to climb in bed with the two of you.

KangarooCaught · 27/01/2011 10:51

I'd be sending her back to bed at 5.30am! We;re pretty easy about nudity but that said, we do just reach across and don pants/top if they jump in bed now, eldest dc is same age as you dsd. Sort of taking our cues from them.

walesblackbird · 27/01/2011 10:56

I'm just wondering how her mum knows that you sleep naked? Presumably your DSD has mentioned it to her which may indicate that she feels less than comfortable with it herself?

When mine were younger it wasn't an issue and for my 5 year old daughter it isn't an issue now. But my boys are 9 and 6 and becoming more aware of their bodies - and mine - and we cover up now because they feel uncomfortable with our being naked in bed with them. My 9 year old particularly has started to look a bit longer than I would like and whilst I still don't as yet cover up when he's around I do put clothes on in bed.

cantspel · 27/01/2011 10:57

This arragment has been going on for what? 5 years? she has only just mentioned it so from that i would take the hint that she is begining to feel uncomfortable about it or after all this time she wouldn't have said anything to her mother.

The mother hasn't demanded anything, she is not trying to tell you what to do in your own home. She has made a simple request on behalf of her daughter .

stubbornhubby · 27/01/2011 10:57

I wouldn't want my children to be in bed with a naked adult. her mum is not being unreasonable.

EITHER put some clothes on
OR tell DSD she cant' get in your bed, sorry
OR get out of the bed.

and DO FGS close the door when you go to the toilet.. no one wants to see that.

Debs75 · 27/01/2011 11:08

Me and dp often sleep naked but we have boxers, pj's unbder the pillow for when dd gets in bed with us in the morning. I use my pj's for morning wear so could that be a compromise.

KnittedBreast · 27/01/2011 12:52

have you considered that the little girl might have said to her mum that she feels uncomfortable with you being naked? the mum might be sparing her blushes and has said that she isnt happy with it. Maybe thats the reason the girl gets in her dads side?

my son will get into bed with me or that bath and he is 5 in march.

bubblewrapped · 27/01/2011 12:57

I appreciate that dsd's mum does things differently (she has, for example, always shut the bathroom door when she goes to the loo/showers). I personally find it slightly odd, but each to their own

What on earth is odd about closing the door when you go to the toilet. Your bodily functions should be private.

OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2011 13:01

This whole situation is soooo Oedipal.

narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 13:08

Tillyscoutsmum and all the others who sleep naked, how do you get any peace from your DH/DPs? If I get into bed topless my DH senses it and wakes up and we don't get any sleep.

Bubblewrapped, how do you keep DCs out when you're on the loo?

Malificence · 27/01/2011 13:09

The weirdest thing is that some people put clothes on when their own children get into bed with them!

Bonkers.

flippinggorgeous · 27/01/2011 13:10

I think you should respect the mother's (and little girl's) wishes and cover up. She wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't an issue for her. At 7 they do start to notice things.

What will you if when you host sleepovers? Let them see you pee and walk around naked? It is time to think of the little girl's developing sense of modesty and invest in some jim-jams.

MrsRhettButler · 27/01/2011 13:16

my dss is now 6 and i have been covering up in front of him since he was about 4.

i dont cover up in front of my dd and if she gets into bed with me naked then its fine, its only because its not your child that i think you should cover up. especially if the mother has requested it, i wouldn't be comfortable with my child in bed with anyone naked other than myself or her dad. would you not mind if the shoe was on the other foot?

in fact, everyone who thinks its ok would it be ok for your children to be naked in bed with another adult?

bubblewrapped · 27/01/2011 13:17

Bubblewrapped, how do you keep DCs out when you're on the loo?

A lock on the door.

MrsRhettButler · 27/01/2011 13:17

those of you who have partners that aren't your childrens parent do you not mind your (for example) 7 yr old dd in bed naked with your new dp or husband?

MrsRhettButler · 27/01/2011 13:18

and i agree with bubblewrapped re the toilet privacy

cinnamontoast · 27/01/2011 13:23

The DSD hasn't necessarily complained to her mother - children often just pass on this kind of info without being judgemental about it. But fwiw, I think you should be able to do what you like in your own bed at 5.30am - including not wearing any clothes. When my DSD comes to stay, we agree a time when she can come in in the morning - something civilised like 7.30! - and make sure we're decent for then, not before. I know she goes into her own mother's room early but we've made the point that it's different rules in our house, otherwise my kids would be outraged that it was one rule for her and one for them.

narkypuffin · 27/01/2011 13:25

In my house the door is never shut for the wees of anyone under 5 or over 25, just pulled over.

BalloonSlayer · 27/01/2011 13:26

TBH if the DSD has mentioned it, it probably wouldn't be long before she said something to you about being uncomfortable with nakedness. She's getting near the age.

I am now starting to cover up around my DS1 as he has mentioned it. Despite being mortally offended

I think it's only reasonable to cover up if asked to, and you almost have been asked to by your DSD. Or tell her not to come in your bed.

sparkle1977 · 27/01/2011 13:36

Interesting thread as me and DH also sleep naked as we much prefer it. Our DS's are almost 3 and 4.5 so at the moment its ok but before much longer I will start donning some pj's etc when they climb into our bed I think. DH already starts whipping his boxers on when they come into our bed.

I think like others have said that you should perhaps put something on when DSD gets into your bed as it looks like perhaps she may be uncomfortable with it.

MollysChambers · 27/01/2011 13:38

For the sake of peace you should probably cover up as the mum has asked you to.

Can understand why you're irritated. I sleep naked on occasion (if I've had reason to take my PJ's off the night before ) and would think nothing of my kids, aged 8, 5 and 2, piling into bed with us in the morning.

My kids often see us naked. Don't see what the big deal is tbh.

MissBeehiving · 27/01/2011 13:40

This thread worries me.

I sleep with no clothes on and the DSs (18mos and 6) get in bed with me. DS1 doesn't wear pjs in bed either - he refused to start wearing them when he was about 3, saying he got too hot.

The door is always open in the loo. I sometimes bath with the DCs. DS1 loves that because we can chat away about a topic of his choice.

This thread has made me feel dirty about being naked with my own kids.

ashamedandconfused · 27/01/2011 13:44

My kids aged 5,8,10 see me naked all the time, in the shower, on the loo - but never have naked cuddles in bed, I think that DOES cross a line - eg what would happen if that were mentioned at school? Would it set alarm bells ringing and get SS involved - at what age would it NOT be appropriate? Not so long ago someone on here said their 17 yo son got in bed for nude cuddles with mummy - everyone was - or did that turn out to be a troll?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread