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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked on the way the girls are dressed on My big fat Gypsie Wedding

215 replies

pigletmania · 25/01/2011 22:32

I understand that the Gypsie/travelling community have very high morals, why the hell are the little girls dressed like mini lolitas Hmm. Flesh everywhere, and dressed in a sexual manner. Its fine for the adults if they want to dress like that and wear those big wedding dresses, but not kids. They are just little girls.

OP posts:
figcake · 26/01/2011 21:03

I have come across some on ebay

Biscuitscoco · 26/01/2011 22:15

Yeah lack of wardrobe space ... That's the reason for the skin tight lycra boob tubes and mini skirts. Of course!

figcake · 26/01/2011 22:22

How about averaging out across the two extremes of coverage and buying er... regular clothes?

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/01/2011 22:54

Got a point pixel

OP posts:
ledkr · 26/01/2011 23:30

trois where are you getting your examples from,i watched the programme with interest there must be 2 types of travellers cos in my job i work with many travellers families whoes kids are badly behaved,drink smoke fight swera and most recently a 12 yr old girl had a baby.I get on very well with them but they are far from chaste and they'd admit it too.Interestingly one mother made me take back all the clothes id bought for her dd's as were too revealing and they were just normal clothes.

ledkr · 26/01/2011 23:31

sorry for awfull spelling i blame the small keyboard

0karen · 26/01/2011 23:53

6year olds dancing in a sexually provocative way, are you people serious?

I think who ever dressed those girls was guilty of bad taste, but I think it is OTT to say it was sexual provocative.

Can I ask what was this grabbing, I missed it. I presume it was older girls involved in this and it involves running away from the boys and if caught, then the fun began.

If so did no one play this as a teen?

redpanda13 · 26/01/2011 23:53

To the poster who said that we don't see girls in our culture dressed like that - yes I have seen disco dancing comps were the girls dress exactly like that. These are happening every weekend the length and breadth of the country.
No I do not dress my DD like that but I would not sneer at anyone else. Just as a rapist does not pick a mini skirted victim but rather opportunity - the woman is vulnerable at that moment. A paedophile is not going to pick a child because of their clothes. They pick them because they are a child.Robert Black's trigger was schoolgirl's white socks. I dress my DD demurely but I don't think it makes her safe. What I rely on is our close relationship. The hope that she could tell me anything.
I also do not sneer at how other children are dressed because life has a way of biting you in the bum. I point blank refused to let DD have a pair of heeled Leli Kelli boots. Another girl in her class got them. I thought it looked awful BUT my mary jane shod child could be the one who ends up pregnant at 13. I hope not but if she doesnt then it will have hee haw to do with how I dressed her.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 27/01/2011 00:11

Bloody well said, redpanda.

DeeCeeDee · 27/01/2011 05:25

cant judge a book by its cover I suppose. Their clothes are silly, but their morals aren't.

TyraG · 27/01/2011 07:17

I've read about half the thread and I have been watching Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

I have to say that I was shocked at how the little girls dressed and danced as this is the first time I've ever been exposed to the Gypsy/Traveller lifestyle. However, after watching a bit and seeing that these girls never go anywhere alone and even after they're engaged are chaperoned wherever they go, it's not a really big deal. They could be doing much worse than wearing sexy clothing and dancing provocatively.

Quite frankly how do you expect them to want to dress/dance when all they see on TV are pop stars like Beyonce, Lady Gaga and the like who wear next to nothing and are always writhing around in a sexual manner.

As to the sexist lifestyle, they don't seem to mind it, granted it's not for me, but then if I'd been born into that culture, I probably wouldn't know there was any other way.

Is it my taste? No. Would I want to live like that? No. Would I let my daughter dress like that or let my son go about grabbing girls and trying to force them to kiss him? No. Because it's not MY culture.

figcake · 27/01/2011 09:22

Why does the documentary only focus on nouveaux gypsies anyway - I want to know about Romany ones; those are the ones I dreamt about when I was little. The Irish ones were only ever travellers as far back as I remember

C0FFEE · 27/01/2011 09:58

Who lets 6 year olds go anywhere alone?

My DD is 9 and goes no where on he own.

Hellebore1 · 27/01/2011 09:59

It was the sight of the little ones dancing and doing all the hip thrusting and provocative moves that made me feel acutely uncomfortable.
With regard to the frocks, at that age my daughter would have loved a dress like that. If it maked them happy, which it seems to, good luck to them. Hellbore1

cantspel · 27/01/2011 10:09

But it is your minds who see it as sexual. All those girls were not trying to be sexy. They were just copying moves they had seen on mtv. The clothes were tacky but kids like tacky clothes whether it be a Bella princess gown or glitter and sparkly bits of lycra

screamingskull · 27/01/2011 10:50

Very well said redpanda13 agree with your post 100%

blametheparents · 27/01/2011 11:08

Wonder how much those dresses cost?

PigValentine · 27/01/2011 11:09

It isn't sexually provocative to anyone who sees them doing it though - they stay within their own community largely, and you could see the nanna's watching them dancing and smiling. THey obviously watch pop videos and practice a lot - some of them looked like very good dancers.

It is interesting that all the gypsy families so far have been irish travellers. I think romany gypsy communities are even more secretive and closed off maybe?

turkeyboots · 27/01/2011 11:11

I watched that, and when the little girls were asked where they learnt the dancing from, they said off the telly. They were all trying to dance like pop stars.

bestmamaderwelt · 27/01/2011 11:47

Im a traveler and although slightly more conservative than the rest i aint gonna judge. Girls aint allowed out on their own and certainly know how to look after themselves.

If someones gonna have sexual thoughts about a child there gonna do what ever there wearing, there problem not mine. And were such a tight community that aint nothings gonna happen.

If people have sexual thoughts about children what should we do dress them in hijabs?

bestmamaderwelt · 27/01/2011 11:53

and by the way it is cultural of course it is. We show our wealth through our clothe and are always immaculate as are our homes. Maybe because we have to prove something due to being badly treated.

iismum · 27/01/2011 12:42

To me, it seemed to be consistent with the misogynist attitude that seems to be prevalent - in that girls cannot have a life of their own but must be chaperoned everywhere (to avoid being 'ruined'), denied education (apparantly leaving school at 11 is common, though surely illegal?) and allowed no expectations at all apart from being a housewife. If your main aim as a girl is to be married as soon as possible, then presenting yourself as sexual object as soon as possible will further that aim. I shouldn't think this was a concious 'displaying of wares' on the part of the parents/grandparents, and certainly not on the part of the children, but it seems to come out of a mentality that only rates girls in terms of their ability to attract a mate as soon as possible.

iismum · 27/01/2011 12:45

It is also interesting to see how people seem in general to be tolerant of the argument that the treatment of women is ok because it's their culture, whereas I think that people would be less quick to defend, for example, more extreme Islamic cultures that prevent female education.

iismum · 27/01/2011 12:51

Also - sorry to be posting so many messages - I think that the paedophile argument can be a bit of a red herring, in that, as many people have pointed out, paedophiles are often interested in children who seem like children rather than children dressed as adults, and that no child can be assumed to be safe. For me, the problem is much more to do with how young children are being taught to view themselves.

As redpanda suggests, there probably isn't a correlation between children who wear Lelli Kelly boots and teenage pregnancy (which can sometimes come out of rebellion against a strict upbringing too), but nevertheless, I think encouraging girls to see themselves as sexual beings long before this is appropriate, and encouraging the idea that success and happiness comes through physical perfection is harmful.

bestmamaderwelt · 27/01/2011 12:54

I have lived out side my community for years now having had a relationship consequently a child by a 'gorga' or non gypsy. I'm now a single parent expected to work and look after my son. Yes i am more educated that my traveler pears but were has that got me? I'm feel as if I'm living in some sort of feminist fuck up. Were it is no longer OK just to keep house and look after children. But i now have to fulfill the both roles. If i had stayed i my community i would be supported by all the other women and there isnt a hop in hell i would be a stugling single parent

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