Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

1002 replies

Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 20:18

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

OP posts:
lokaku · 26/01/2011 21:46

YANBU tell her that she'll have plenty of time to get married if she's on the dole.

dittany · 26/01/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 26/01/2011 21:49

I'm wondering about wedding present Grin

Limara · 26/01/2011 22:04

Laquitar - P45 Grin

Laquitar · 26/01/2011 22:06

Wrapped up nicely Grin

CameronCook · 26/01/2011 22:09

huddspur and dittany - where you say she is choosing not to be flexible about this - has the OP not given her reasons in her OP?

"as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me."

reelingintheyears · 26/01/2011 22:10

dittany
Again.

reelingintheyears · 26/01/2011 22:10

Sorry...
missed the Smile

MordechaiVanunu · 26/01/2011 22:11

I have a middle class professional job and cannot take my leave whenever it suits me and have restrictions due to the nature of the needs/demands of my employer.

I knew this when I took the job and it would be the same doing this job with any any other employers.

It's commonplace for nannies and employers to share the leave they can choose. The OPs arrangements are quite normal for nanny contracts.

Of course anyone can request to renegoatiate their contact. But that's not what happened here, and employers can say no if it doesn't suit them.

I agree OP should give her the leave, as it would seem churlish not too. But I can see why she's pissed off, and I don't think she's some slave trader to feel so.

It would rancke would me and I'd keep silently thinking, 'why couldn't you just miss your retreat for one year to get blinking married. Like the rest of the world.'

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/01/2011 22:12

Wtf with all the teachers coming on here talking about teachers' holidays?

OP was unreasonable when she "thought nothing of it" when Nanny first told her she was getting married. Such an odd, dismissive thing to do.

If she'd only said "Oh really? how wonderful? so when will that be then and are you thinking of a honeymoon?" etc, then a dialogue would have been opened and all this would probably have been avoided.

ThatVikRinA22 · 26/01/2011 22:14

maybe the nanny mistakenly felt valued enough to trust her employer to do the right thing by her after 6 years and for something as important as her wedding?

Cain · 26/01/2011 22:16

Do I have to get my spreadsheet and pie chart out again?

Portofino · 26/01/2011 22:19

Mordechai. I heart you!

huddspur · 26/01/2011 22:21

CameronCook- The point I was making that the OP can choose to decline the request for whatever reason she wants and the fact she doesn't have the leave left to do it is more than reasonable but she would be within her rights to say no simply because she doesn't want the hassle.

Portofino · 26/01/2011 22:21

I'd worked for my employer for 7 years when I got married. it still came out of my holiday.

reelingintheyears · 26/01/2011 22:22

Cain...
Can you post it for all to see?
Please? Grin

fairylights · 26/01/2011 22:22

have not read all 37 pages of thread but can't believe the OP doesn't seem to see her nanny as a fellow human being Sadwho may also have important things happening in her life..

Portofino · 26/01/2011 22:23

Cain - I want to see my "Boss Response" Pie chart by 10 am.

Lonnie · 26/01/2011 22:24

Could we do a pol and ask who took annual leave to get married and who asked for additional unpaid leave on top of their annual leave in order to get bmarried?

I used Anual leave

I asked for additional unpaid leave I was not given it.

I gave 5 months notice I worked in a cheese and wine shop (yes could have been replaced)

When my supervisor married later on that year He was allowed anual leave and additional unpaid leave..

(no I was not impresed ) I had left the company by then and was temping they actually had the cheek to phone me and ask if i was willing to return to cover his job for 2 weeks...

I said no

ivykaty44 · 26/01/2011 22:28

I took annual leave when I got divorced - does that help?

CameronCook · 26/01/2011 22:30

This thread is like a spot I know I shouldn't pick at, but I just can't seem to leave it alone

dittany · 26/01/2011 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino · 26/01/2011 22:35

Oh shit

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.