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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

1002 replies

Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 20:18

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

OP posts:
Iwantscallops · 25/01/2011 20:22

I agree with you. She should cancel the retreat or get married during her other 4 weeks off.

TryLikingClarity · 25/01/2011 20:23

Have you heard of compassion?

You don't want to change your plans due to family commitments and work pressures. That is understandable.

Yet you don't want your nanny to take a quite small amount of time off to get wed and begin her life as a family unit with her new DH.

Sorry to tell you, but IMhumbleO, YABU.

GloriaSmut · 25/01/2011 20:23

Yes. Sack her. Ideally in a snowstorm. Then train the boy currently employed to go up chimneys.

sincitylover · 25/01/2011 20:23

You could find some emergency cover for those two weeks - relations?

I think you are BU

OracleInaCoracle · 25/01/2011 20:23

after reading your OP and your explanation, I have considered your points carefully. weighed it up and I have come to the conclusion that you are in fact, a bit of a twat.

this has to be a spot of light trolling!

reelingintheyears · 25/01/2011 20:23

Bleak House.
Great Expectations.

Poor Nanny works in Bleak House.

RobynLou · 25/01/2011 20:23

YAdefBU

SugarSkyHigh · 25/01/2011 20:23

she'll be leaving soon anyway - presumably will want to start her own family!

And actually, UAB vvvvvvvvvvvv U

Getting married is - should be - a once in a lifetime thing.

Thank god I;m not your nanny Sad

purepurple · 25/01/2011 20:24

If you don't let her have the time off, what do you think will happen?
Do you think she will just shrug, and say, oh well, I won't get married then?
Or do you think that she might just get married and leave your employment? You will then have to find another nanny.
I know which scenario I imagine will happen.

coppertop · 25/01/2011 20:24

Gosh! Next thing you know she'll be wanting time off for her own funeral.

rolandweary · 25/01/2011 20:24

Christ I can't believe there are more of you Shock

I fervently hope there are at least two sockpuppets on this thread

juneybean · 25/01/2011 20:24

You do know she's entitled to 5.6 weeks yes?

FoghornLeghorn · 25/01/2011 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

atswimtwolengths · 25/01/2011 20:24

Yes but none of us who works full-time would book a wedding when we were meant to be in work, would we?

You'd have to be mad to be a teacher who books a wedding in term time, if you want the next week off.

She has a responsibility when she works for you to stick to the agreed dates. It's not on that she suddenly decides to take extra time off.

She could plan to marry on another date, couldn't she?

SoupDragon · 25/01/2011 20:24

Did you go back to work straight after your wedding? FFS, she's going home to another entry to get married and you think she doesn't need time off??

Having said that, she should be prepared to cancel the retreat this year.

Having said that, if you force this issue you will be looking for a new nanny.

blowninonabreeze · 25/01/2011 20:24

I think your nanny is being unreasonable to assume she could have unpaid leave without having discussed it with you.
If you hadn't raised it, when would she have mentioned it?

GloriaSmut · 25/01/2011 20:24

Bleak Expectations. Radio 4.
But now I now where it is recorded.

SoupDragon · 25/01/2011 20:24

Entry = country BTW.

traceybath · 25/01/2011 20:25

Honestly its simple - she goes home gets married on the saturday and whizzes back on the sunday to take care of her responsibilities to you.

As others have said - you just can't get the staff nowadays Wink

Seriously - if she's a good nanny then cut her a bit of slack and work with her so that she gets to have her wedding when she wants it.

Lara2 · 25/01/2011 20:26

Why can't you arrange other cover?

YABU and mean with it. I would go and get married and tell you to stick your job if I was your nanny. Except, she's probably far too nice and would hate leaving your children. Yes, I have had a nanny - full time and yes, she got the time to get married AND have a honeymoon.I made other arrangements.

Original poster
Foreverondiet · 25/01/2011 20:26

I already said, last year DH's parents asked if we could go only holiday with them, so we are, that uses up 2 weeks - its been in calendar for 2 years and she knows about it. My other 2 weeks cover her retreat. DH will not have any holiday left due to other committments he has which can't be cancelled.

She is from Eastern Europe and was born a catholic, its a buddist restreat, her and her BF go each year although they are not buddists.

She is not prepared to compromise on the retreat at all, even though its a pain each year, using up holiday during term time, eg can't go and see my parents as kids are in school.

OP posts:
redpanda13 · 25/01/2011 20:26

She wants unpaid leave. She has gave you enough time to arrange for temporary cover that you can afford as she does not want wages. She is going abroad to get married but you still expect her to work up until two days before her wedding and then be back two days later.
She must be a good nanny as she has been with you for years. Can you afford to lose her? She may well look for another employer who understands that a wedding is a big lifetime event. I don't even believe in marriage myself and I can see how important it would be to someone else.

kayah · 25/01/2011 20:26

You need to sit down with her and discuss it.
If she is upset she may walk off - so be prepared.

I think she is a bit cheeky not letting you know in advance about her plans - she knows you will be unhappy (that's the reason I am sure).
Don't suggest anything - just reinforce rules and repeatr plans which are already in place.

Any workplace would treat her as you have - so don't get upset. (well she will, but as long as you won't be making any suggestions and decisions are hers you will have clear concience).

It is likely that she will give you notice in time to finish when she wants and she will get her wedding in the time chosen by her.

SugarSkyHigh · 25/01/2011 20:26

having re-read op, i see this:

"Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until.."

usually if someone tells me they are getting married rather than thinking nothing of it, I am delighted for them and say congrats.

you are selfish and horrible and probably a dreadful woman to work for Angry

littlewish · 25/01/2011 20:27

Hope she resigns and has her own children to take care of soon and then you'll be stuck!

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