To wish people would just shut up about the amount of kids I have?

[AngelicaDemonica]

I'm pregnant with our fourth baby in four years (Been together 8) and I wonder why friends, family and aquaintences seem to think it's appropriate to constantly ask me and OH when we're going to get sterilised!

It's really beginning to grate my cheese tbh. We decided right from the start that we wanted a big family and although this baby will definarely be our last for quite a while I can't honesly say that it will be the last. Not to mention how I feel about being sterilised in the first place.

Where do people get off telling me in the middle of Iceland to get my tubes tied? Personally I find it's more of a reflection of themselvews. Like, they would never have a big family or kids so close together and can't imagine why we would so they just feel te need to spout off thoughless crap.

End rant lol

DNmummy both me and OH are self employed and work from home.

I've just been plain ignoring the Iceland bashing. They do a great offer on large boxes of Cheerios that I can't ignore. Shoot me lol.

Morning :) Imarriedafrog (LOVE your talkname!) Due April 25th. Also getting married at the end of next week! Thanks for the congrats :)

Whether someone is on benefits is really neither here nor there. I would not DREAM of asking someone with a large family if they were on benefits or not - how ignorant would that be!

What about people with a large family who loose their jobs, you know, that is happening quite alot, do you propose they surrender their offspring to the workhouse?

Honestly, the mentality of "well i manage to support myself etc etc" "i'm alright jack" bla bla bla, its really tiring. Some people fall on hard times and that is what the benefit system is for - of course there are those that take the piss and they infuriate me as much as the rest of you, but i hope i try not to judge people simply based on their current financial position.

And NO i am not on benefits and i have two children, one grown up.

brightlightsandpromises VERY well said. Some people just jump on any old excuse for a good old benefits bashing. I try to ignore the presumptousness of such people becauise it says more about their narrow little minds than anything else IMO.

I've had a LOT of people who don't know me very well and look at the size of my faily who automatically assume that we've living on beefits all of our days. Especially because our jobs allow us to pick and choose our own hours so we're out and about with the kids when many others who work would be AT work.

I guess folks just love any reason to flash a light on someone else instead of focusing on their own flaws.

I think that about sums it up angelica, people like to look down their noses at others because it makes them feel better about themselves.

Going back to your original point though - i would probably infurriate you because i would watch you walk down the road with your brood, count them outloud to my DP and say "wow, shes a good catholic" I woudlnt dream of saying anything to your face though, not the first time anyway - i am in awe of mums with lots of children, i would have loved to have more but i know i simply woudlnt have coped :(

To be fair, I do tend to assume people with larger families are on benefits. Or are very wealthy. Because for the most part, they're the only people that can afford it.

I certainly wouldn't comment though. But that doesn't stop people commenting on me only having one. Which is really fucking rude, not to mention an absolute minefield.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar It sucks either way, huh? I guess that if you don't fit into society's little box (which I never really have anyway) then fingers start pointing your way. Can't win for losing lol.

brightlightsandpromises LOL I had that one too- "Your priest must be so pleased!" I'm as religious as a monkey nut :)

Jenai - i know what you mean, i have two only children (one is 20 one is 5!) and people will ask me all the time if i am going to have any more - no, im not i'm 40 years old and whilst that is ok for some to continue breeding, i have had my first child when i was 19 and then again at 35 which means i have been a mummy for a loooooooong time! Would quite like a break before the grandchildren come along!

My friend however only has one child and desperately wants another but she can't. It breaks her heart when people ask :(

CONCLUSION: You are on very dodgy territory commenting on the dynamics of someones family, full stop.

Perhaps if your shopping in Iceland they think you can't afford four children!!

[runs and hides]

BTW I have four and noone has ever asked me when I'm getting sterilised except the consultant when I had my last cs.

I'd never comment on someones financial situation, but I may make the weak joke about the telly just in an attempt to make lighthearted conversation and as I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Frg: I answered your question sometime back: because larger families are more likely to be on benefits. It's just a fact.

However Angels I made an assumption that was wrong. I don't know whether to apologise, because being on benefits isn't exactly something to be "accused" of, but this is my acknowledgement of a mistake.

Thats probably because you shop in Waitrose Margaret!

MargaretGraceBondfield - I shop everywhere from Iceland to Morrissons. Gotta follow the bargains- it's how I afford four kids lol :)

I got it again last night on the phone to my Aunt. I went a bit mental at her for it. It's getting really, really old...

I haven't read all the thread, however, I don't thin YABU at all. My sister has eight children, I have one. You do whatever suits you and your circumstances best. I would hate another child and asked to be sterilised when DD was born, the consultant declined my request so we are super careful.

YABU - people need to say something and four kids under four is kind of nuts. It's not a race, you know.

Op...I was joking! However you should tell the older more easily offended protesters of your larger family that you just can't stop having sex! And to the younger ones that you're thinking of at least four more.

We run our own small business. The reason I have 5 children is not to claim endless benefits but rather because of contraception failing and having sex once without using any and ending up with a little blue line.
One was planned. We love our children more than anything and we wouldn't be without them.
Are we well off? NO! We just have to watch our pennies and prioritize who needs what. Most months we have no money left at the end but the bills are paid and the children are feed and clothed.

DiscoDaisy - you had four contraception failures?

I've had three contraception failures (one termination, one baby, one MC), but I only have myself to blame for them really. And they weren't proper failures, more fuck ups (forgotten Pill and boozey "It'll be fine" bollocks).

Which is pretty crap of me, I agree. But I'm glad one ended well, and the one that ended in MC would've been nice I reckon.

And the termination was the right decision, too.

Belgo
2 - I was on the pill,
1 - the condom split and the morning after pill didn't work
1 - we had sex once without using anything and got a little blue line as a result.
1 was planned but that only came about because I became pregnant while on the pill again and then m/c so we decided to try again.

tryingtoleave- It's not nuts to us. It's not like there was no thought put into any of the conceptions. And I'm not racing anyone. All of our children were concieved because we wanted them. I'm just tired of feeling that people expect me to apologise to them for my kids without knowing anything of why we had them if the first place. I really don't understand why people "need" to say anthing at all about it to me. Especially when I never asked them.

Maragret- LOL

Daisy- being sensible witrh the monies is indeed what it's all about :)