To wish people would just shut up about the amount of kids I have?

[AngelicaDemonica]

I'm pregnant with our fourth baby in four years (Been together 8) and I wonder why friends, family and aquaintences seem to think it's appropriate to constantly ask me and OH when we're going to get sterilised!

It's really beginning to grate my cheese tbh. We decided right from the start that we wanted a big family and although this baby will definarely be our last for quite a while I can't honesly say that it will be the last. Not to mention how I feel about being sterilised in the first place.

Where do people get off telling me in the middle of Iceland to get my tubes tied? Personally I find it's more of a reflection of themselvews. Like, they would never have a big family or kids so close together and can't imagine why we would so they just feel te need to spout off thoughless crap.

End rant lol

I remember when, years ago, I worked in a shop where we had many 'regulars'.

One lady came in, and (can't remember how it came about) mentioned that she was pregnant. Now I knew she had a fairly young baby already, and said in my oh-so-worldly-wise way..

'OMG you must be mad ha ha'

NO idea why I said it, I really didn't have much of an opinion really, I was about 20, no kids, experience or anything. It was just something to say.

She was very nice, smiled and explained that actually the pregnancy was planned, they were delighted and wanted children close together in age.

I felt a right idiotic twat, I still cringe now.

I am so jealous of you - the only reason I'd ever comment on big families is to marvel at it!

DH and I would love to have a big family but we can't afford it, and much as I love the idea of lots of children, I just don't think I'd cope with it :(

Do people actually say YOU should get sterilised? As opposed to the father? I wonder if they realise what a big procedure female sterilisation is compared to a vasectomy.

I hope all the people making comments about "as long as the taxpayer isn't paying for them" themselves:
? don't claim child benefit
? don't claim tax credits
? will be entirely privately educating their own children
? gave birth at a private hospital and will not be using any NHS facilities or taxpayer-supported services, not even a dentist or optician

Otherwise STFU.

There's nothing wrong with having 50 kids if you are able to financially support them yourself. If you are relying on the tax payer to fork out for them that is a different scenario.... one that allows taxpayers to comment on the number of children people are producing and the taxpayer are supporting

Rubbish Cage, what balls you write.

GreenEyes I can top that. My DH and I bumped into one of his colleagues in the street with her 2 kids aged 10 and 1. I made a comment about the large age gap and she said 'Well that's just the way it panned out' - we chatted for a bit then she went on her way and DH turned to me and said, "It's a big age gap because her first husband died."

I have never commented on any kind of age gap between kids since!

OP - I might think OMG! - purely cos I'd be jealous that you can cope with that many - I find 1 hard enough work - but I certainly wouldn't say so. Enjoy your new LO.

This Is a Nice cage

Most people pay National Insurance for NHS facilities, dentists and opticians.

I pay tax and no I dont claim child benefit, tax credits or any other benefits you can mention. I would also prefer not to have to support other peoples children!

I have no problem in helping to support people in crisis but I have no desire to support people who choose a benefit lifestyle. Particularly those who give birth every year to avoid going to work to support their offspring.

It is usually the children of such people who I foster. The children I would die for. Their parents?

hi im from big family seven of us i regret not having more children tell them to mob and enjoy your family

I get comments from people because i'm single, have 3 and am having AID to try for my fourth (but final!). It's worked fine so far, don't know what they are worried about! Mine are 25, 14 and 5 :)

I met a girl the other day who was one of 10 - and I thought that being one of 6 myself (with a mother one of 8 and a father one of 5) was pretty impressive.

hi im new to this i thought the ethos was mums sticking together not taking pot shot because they dont approve remember we are all in different circumstances

softy hahahahahahahaha. Welcome to the crazy world of mumsnet.

Maybe her friends know and that's why they're commenting. I'm sorry, I made the presumption because of the style of OP. Come back and surprise me

Well I am having number 6 atm and I have heard them all. Being asked when I am being sterilised the first time did shock me, but my sister said I should ask what contraception the asker was using, so I do now and it soon brings them up short!

"Dont you have a telly, are you religious, is your central heating broken, was it planned..." YAAWWWWWWNNN

The one that has really pissed me off was recently when DH was told that he should put me on the pill, that really fucked me off

But yes I wish people would mind their own sodding business. And as for the whole benefits thing, well DOUBLE YAAAWWWWWNNN there is always one smug self satisfied twat who will insist on bringing that up on a thread like this. Booorring!

Yes Frog. I have 3. All home educated and now adults with well paid jobs and paying lots of tax to support the children of people who choose the benefits lifestyle.

As well as those who place their numerous children in care and then seek out the taxpayers money to go through the court process to have them back because thier current partner has kicked them out and they find themselves in financial difficulty because they are no longer in receipt of benefits for the kids they rejected.

When you grow up you may see that some parents have lots of children because they want them, love them and are able to financially support them. Others have them for financial gain - when it is convenient for them!

Nobody is denying that Fish, but for every one of those type of parents there are hundreds if not thousands, who arent like that. And if a family claims tax credits or child benefit that they are entitled to then who the hell are you to judge? The op is pissed off at people judging the size of her family, not her income source.

And making yourself out to be a non claimant for tax credits and CB etc doesnt really work when you children are grown up so you arent entitled to it! Its hardly a moral choice is it?!

I think in general a very much larger family means two possibilities

1.frightfully, frightfully posh
2.other end of the scale inc benefits

Obviously there are exceptions but I would reckon that average working middle class = 2-3 and otherwise it's as above

Frog. You claim you are a teacher? Are you sure about that? Not very well educated for a teacher are you? I was also teaching before I left to foster 3 of my pupils who were horrifically neglected and abused.

Most teachers have the utmost sympathy for the children they encounter who have had the most unfortunate start in life. Most teachers do not empathise with the parents who bring their children into a world when they rely on the goodwill of others to support and protect their children.

Most teachers recognise that the most neediest of children are mostly those of large families who claim benefits.

There again you may live on a different planet to most child care proffessionals.

Well i am having 6 and we work (DH out of the home and me freelance) and are neither of those things!

That is a very insulting generalisation Apple, what information is that based on exactly?

Fish, who said that Frog hasnt got sympathy? You seem to be arguing with fresh air here as no one has mentioned anything you are ranting about!

I agree, it's rather a chronic generalisation, but I think it does obtain. You would be one of the exceptions!