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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be speechless at this behaviour?

216 replies

Smuddy81 · 17/01/2011 14:54

My DH and DS (15months) were visiting the church where my father is vicar yesterday and as it was his 60th birthday there was fizz and cake after the service for all the congregation. My dad was having a great time and loved showing off his only grandchild to his flock (it was so lovely actually) but as he was talking to a couple of ladies from the church one of them had been coo-ing over DS and all of a sudden shoved a huge chunk of cake into his mouth!

I was at a distance looking on and wasnt able to get there in time to ask her what the hell she was doing but to say I was shocked was an understatement! I actually shrieked!

I have a few issues with this and tell me if IABU but surely having food shoved in your mouth when you're not expecting it (and even if you are) is a basic human rights violation! Also, what if he had an allergy she wasnt aware of. I let him have a bit of cake every now and again so thats not an issue but she even ask my dad if he was allowed any, she just shoved it in!

I'm sure DS didnt really mind although he was a bit taken aback! (He's BLW'd too so never really has anyone put food in his mouth for him!)

Maybe I've blown it out of all proportion but I was so shocked! She was an older lady if that's relevant? Is this just what they do!?

AIBU?

OP posts:
twirlymum · 17/01/2011 17:26

Maybe the old lady had dipped her fingers in Holy Water.

Bucharest · 17/01/2011 17:26

Grin @ Santos.

I agree. I sometimes make my daughter eat rubbish just so she eats something. I'm the mad mother at the party running round after her with frankfurter sausages and crisps shrieking "have a crisp, go on"

Lamorna · 17/01/2011 17:26

My feeling is that anyone who gives ricecakes as a treat is going to end up with a child who stuffs junk food at every opportunity. I may be biased because I hate rice cakes they are cloying. Does anyone like them?

MrsDeidreIppy · 17/01/2011 17:27

Shocked to my very core I am

Ormirian · 17/01/2011 17:27

monkey - does your child feed him or herself? Or even just stick his fingers in his mouth for the hell of it? I suspect that 9 times out of 10 an old lady's fingers are going to be cleaner than the average small child.

Bucharest · 17/01/2011 17:27

As much as I like eating ceiling tiles.

SantosLHalper · 17/01/2011 17:27

As a heathen I don't give a fuck if its a vicars tea party...as said already, people are ridiculoua about germs. You included by the sounds of it.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 17/01/2011 17:30

Oi! Lay off the ricecake bashing please.Grin
It's the only shop bought snack DD can eat, poor love. She spits the plain ones back at me, but loves the apple or raspberry & blueberry flavour.

twirlymum · 17/01/2011 17:33

MrsDeidreIppy are you related to Yoda? Grin

roomonthebroom · 17/01/2011 17:34

It's been said many times before, but a "human rights violation"? Hmm

When I worked as a teacher kids used to say this sort of thing over total trivia. It often led to an abandoned lesson which was repalced with a discussion on what human rights (and their violations) actually are, often with the assistance of Amnesty and UNICEF's excellent websites. I suggest you look at them: you will discover that giving a 15 month old baby a piece of cake at his Grandfather's birthday party does not even come close. Actually, I think using this sort of language to describe what the lady in church did trivialises the concept of "human rights" and what they actually are.

mumto2andnomore · 17/01/2011 17:39

Poor woman did she hear you shriek ?

blackeyedsusan · 17/01/2011 17:42

mmm cake

ILovedYou · 17/01/2011 17:50

The child shall no doubt be psychologically and emotionally damaged for life!

How will you ever get him into Greggs for the sausage roll at lunch?

There are cakes in there, Mum Noooo please..........

OldMumsy · 17/01/2011 17:59

Santos, and they knit their own tofu, ban ice cream and ketchup and think they lurve their kids more than everyone else. Just a teeny bit controlling I think.

Lamorna · 17/01/2011 18:13

A good point roomonthebroom, when people around the world suffer appalling violation of human rights it really shouldn't be mentioned for pushing some cake in a toddler's mouth. I think that comes under slightly annoying and easily dealt with, in a polite manner.

Psammead · 17/01/2011 19:53

Oh my.

YABU unless she grabbed DS by the back of his head and squashed a huge handful of sponge into his face. But I doubt it.

SantosLHalper · 17/01/2011 19:56

OldMumsy, they must love their children more than we do because we feed our children poison. I bet you even let yours play with plastic toys! Oh the shame. Wink

sotiredandfedup · 17/01/2011 20:07

I actually think YANBU. How dare she shove cake in your child's mouth. It would have annoyed me too.

monkeyflippers · 17/01/2011 20:25

SantosLHalper - actually no I'm not ridiculous about germs, you're just being stupid now.

Lady goes toilet, we don't know lady, lady might not be a very clean lady, lady doesn't wash hands, lady feeds toddler cake with poo remnants on fingers, toddlers eats poo, toddler gets sick.

Ormirian - yes my children do feed themselves and yes their fingers (just like all fingers and surfaces) are covered in germs. But I don't let them practically lick the fingers of complete strangers which is what this toddler was forced to do.

And I stand by what I said about everyone being more alarmed if this had been a woman on the bus or in Morrisons or something. Just because she is member of a church and is friends with the vicar doesn't mean she doesn't have hygiene issues. She could have that morning been feeding her dogs with those fingers, done some gardening, cleaned her loo, picked her nose/bum/ears (delete as applicable) and still not washed her hands.

OP - I for what it's worth don't think you are being unreasonable. Your post seems to have attracted a bunch of mentalists, most of which haven't taken any notice of the fact that you weren't being serious when you talked about human rights.

twirlymum · 17/01/2011 20:29

I can't imagine the old dear 'shoving' it in Hmm

A little perspective?

thederkinsdame · 17/01/2011 20:40

TBH, if that's the biggest thing you need to worry about with your child, you need to take a step back and get a bit of perspective. It's a piece of cake, not crystal meth.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 17/01/2011 20:44

What's that I can hear???

Ahhhhhh

It's the sound of serious back peddling

Mayqueene · 17/01/2011 20:51

Hilarious!!

{and I speak as one who took cucumber sticks to toddler group 17 years ago because I wouldn't allow Precious to be soiled by a Nice biscuit!!!!) Lol Blush

Catsmamma · 17/01/2011 20:54

Was it homemade cake or shop bought??

The EU have legislation about stuff like this!

and save your shrieks until you catch pfb feeding grassclippings to the not quite so p2nd baby.

hth

twirlymum · 17/01/2011 20:56

monkey I take it you never eat home made cake? Because with your rationale, how do you know who made it? Did they wash their hands first? Is their kitchen covered in mouse droppings/cat hair/ants?

On that basis you would never eat anything. Anywhere.