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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let mil take baby out?...

198 replies

mumatron · 16/01/2011 21:13

i had dd2 10 days ago. spent a night in hospital, but every day since mil has called in and asked to take the baby out somewhere.

she lives next door to us and i expected her to call in alot (not a prob, i have always got on very well with her) but why does she feel the need to take her out?

i did let her take her to the shops one day last week but i cried when she went . she has also asked to take her out for the day, to visit family. i have offered to go with her but she seems to want to take her on her own. she wanted to take her into her work place (a hospital) and to the pub for dinner.

dp knows how i feel and he agrees that dd is too little to be out and about without me. she is bf but i do express alot so that dp and others can feed aswell.

now she doesn't ask him, she comes straight to me as she knows i hate saying no.

i find myself making excuses, like i'm expecting mw or my family to call.

it's making me dread her calling, and when she is in i just want to take dd and hide upstairs. everything she does with the baby (holding/talking to) is irritating me and i hate feeling like this.

so, aibu? should i just relax and let her take her out more?

OP posts:
nancy75 · 16/01/2011 21:15

Its your baby so up to you, do you think she might be doing it to give you a break but doesn't want to say in case you take it the wrong way?

FabbyChic · 16/01/2011 21:17

Cant you just say you would rather wait a month or so before she goes out without you?

Just say it woman then she won't ask again for a month.

D0G · 16/01/2011 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 16/01/2011 21:18

no, i wouldn't let her take her out. she is a tiny little baby and she needs to be with you!

what on earth is she thinking, suggesting that she take a breastfed baby away for a whole day????

for goodness sake

i think you need to tell her FIRMLY that the answer will be no, until baby is much older.
use breastfeeding as the excuse if you like? just say that you'll be very uncomfortable, and it isn't good for her to be away from you for so long.

perhaps you could do this with your dp too, so he can back you up?

mamatomany · 16/01/2011 21:18

She wants to play mummy and show off the baby without you getting in the way if we are going to be honest.
How you feel about that is up to you, either see it as a break for you and DP, lovely for you all or else you need to nip this in the bud because it'll do your head in for years.
Start as you mean to go on.

RavenHairedPrincess · 16/01/2011 21:19

YANBU your baby is only 10 weeks old you need time to bond and get used to having your life drastically changed, the last thing your going to want is too be apart from your DD.
She is probably just excited at being a GP and wants to show her off, can you talk to her and gently explain that you feel it's too soon and you want to spend time with her first.
If she feels the need to want to spend sometime alone with your DD could you not ask her to have her in your home while you had a nice relaxing bath or a nap?

parakeet · 16/01/2011 21:19

It sounds time for an honest chat - tell her it's far too soon for you to be parted for so long.

wizzler · 16/01/2011 21:19

You only had DD2 10 days ago,hormones all over the place, so you shouldn't be put in this position. Get your DP to have a straight talk with her. My in laws also live close. When I had DS, my DH once served them coffee in the driveway so that DS and I would not be woken up!Grin.

starfishmummy · 16/01/2011 21:19

I agree with nancy - she probably thinks she is helping you.
But if you don't like it then say so.
Taking your baby to visit family, her office or the pub is a bit mich at the moment IMO; maybe limit it to walks to the park and back by a certain time??

RavenHairedPrincess · 16/01/2011 21:20

FFS I ment 10 days not weeks

allnightlong · 16/01/2011 21:20

YANBU you need to be up front with her telling her not now please stop asking and you'll let her know when you feel ready to be parted from your DD but it's going to be quite awhile.

Greeninkmama · 16/01/2011 21:20

Ahhh that is so mean of her. Just tell her you can't bearto be parted from your baby. Or better still get your DH to tell her she's upsetting you. Nobody should be taking a newborn away from the mother - that is weird. Enjoy your baby. Xx

ilovemyhens · 16/01/2011 21:20

Tell the damn woman to naff off! dd is 10 days old and needs to be with you.

Put your foot down otherwise she'll have her off you and be handing out her orders!

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 16/01/2011 21:22

Raven 10 DAYS ago not weeks!

Mamatron - just say 'No - she's too young and I want her with me for a few months yet' - you are not being too precious, you are being very patient.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 16/01/2011 21:23

Raven x-posts Grin

AgentZigzag · 16/01/2011 21:23

Congrats on your lovely DD2 Smile

The only thing I can think of is that she feels a bit 'scrutinised' when she's with you and your DS.

Is it possible that there's a little bit of your anxiety over your newborn leaking out and being picked up by your MIL?

I think my MIL felt this (she's never said) and I was perhaps a little overanxious when DD1 was with other people Grin

It is very early at 10 days old to be off out and not telling you what time he'll be back, but with another DC it's good for you to have someone who'll give you a breather?

ilovemyhens · 16/01/2011 21:24

Also, taking a 10 day old baby out to a hospital then a pub as a day out is just ridiculous! It's the middle of the winter, she'll pick up a virus and end up being ill.

Your mil is totally unreasonable and needs to be told.

Your baby, Your rules.

Original poster
mumatron · 16/01/2011 21:24

I need to grow a pair don't I?

i just can't cope with the big puppy eyes and 'poor me' looks she gives when i say no.

i know in a few weeks i will be greatful for the offers but i'm just not ready to be away from her. tbh i'm struggling to have a bath without missing DD Grin

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 16/01/2011 21:25

10 days old! She's being ridiculous.

Be firm, say "that's a lovely idea, how about when she's 6 months old". Smile and don't get into discussion about it.

usernamechanged345 · 16/01/2011 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonnie · 16/01/2011 21:26

I would get your dh to have a quiet word with her. you know.. We love how close you feel to dd but at the moment we have decided she is to young to be away from her mother. Hence we wont agree to her being away from her for the next (insert decided time) 3 months when we will reevaluate and when we feel she is old enough for it you will be the first to be allowed to take her anywhere. We know that you and her already share a special bond..

then leave it at that and if she does ask you smile sweetly and shake your head dont answer..

MoonUnitAlpha · 16/01/2011 21:27

Give her a time frame so she'll stop bothering you - tell her you'll talk about it in X weeks.

curlymama · 16/01/2011 21:28

You need to get your DP to stick up for you and tell her to back off a bit. It's lovely that she's proud and wants to show off her new dgc, but she is not thinking of you or the baby here, she's thinking of herself. DP needs to tell her that you both appreciate her, but you will ask her when you feel ready to spend time away from your baby. She really does need to be told straight, or she won't let up.

AuntiePickleBottom · 16/01/2011 21:28

can you be honest and tell her when you are ready then she can be the 1st person to take the baby out.

jaggythistle · 16/01/2011 21:29

holy shit, she wants to take your 10 day old dd out for a day??

yanbu at all. i would tell her to get lost.

nice that she wants to see her and maybe help, but tbh i wouldn't let mine take my 15 month old away for the day, i am a proper sap! Grin

just enjoy your baby and worry less about pleasing everyone else. i couldn't be bothered with expressing unless i really had to, 10 days does seem kind of early to worry about that when you're just establishing bf.

and i thought my Mil was nuts thinking we'd leave DS and go out for lunch when I'd been out of hospital for 5 days after an em cs.

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