Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end it

222 replies

Flojo1979 · 11/01/2011 21:36

My boyfriend came to stay this wkend as it usually the case. I wish he'd stay forever but he "likes his space". On friday he was ill, throwing up, he stayed in bed all day and i looked after my kids whilst checking on him and asking him if he wanted anything etc. By next day i was sick as a dog too. But had to get up and look after my kids and muddle thro. I tutted and sighed along the way, while bf sat on sofa all day not lifting a finger and complaining he still felt ill. In end i said u could at least try to help me, he replied they r your kids stop being a bitch and shut your mouth. I told him i would not be spoken to like that and told him to leave, he replied if he left he wouldnt come back, to which i burst in to tears and begged him to stop being a bully and stay. He left with some sneering parting shot.
I've been with him a year and keep thinking no one is perfect so maybe i should put up n shut up??

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 14/01/2011 12:16

thanx guys, sorry if i sound like i dont appreciate what i've got, i love my kids to bits. I guess some times i just need a good kick up backside to see that i'm feeling sorry for myself and need to get a reality check!

OP posts:
ValiumSilverTongue · 14/01/2011 14:56

Don't be hard on yourself. You just need to remember to value yourself. NO need to hook up with some wwanker just to 'conform'. I did that myeslf 11 years ago and it took me 8 years to get out of the situation....! All is well now. But they should put it in the middle of fortune cookies "stay away form wankers and you'll be better off"

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 14/01/2011 17:21

Oh god i'm so confused, I think i've made a terrible mistake :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 14/01/2011 17:26

I feel bad doing this, cos i know if someone posted my email i'd feel totally betrayed but this is it ....

"I do know that I've made the biggest mistake of my life, I've led awake the past few nights thinkin. The mistakes been made now I'll have to live with it and you'll never realise or believe your part in this, it wasn't all you your fault it was mine. I've always been able to ignore things, let them go, take it with a pinch of salt but with you its been different, I dont know why it just was. This is why I blame myself, I wanted us to work and should have let things go.

You never realised that bringing my xbox was a big thing, a little thing to make me feel at home I'd just got it set up and you walked throught he door turned off the tv and said you're not playin that, I actually wanted to cry. That said to me it would have never been our home, just yours and I'd be "staying" there. Thats just one example there have been many.
These last 12 months have been the best and worst time of my life, I had more fun with you than all the others put together in such a short space of time, I'm so confused I dont know wheteher to be ok or completely destroyed. I'm gonna miss DC2 and DC1 (yes DC1 he actually was the better one) but most of all I'm gonna miss you, you had the best smile ever."

The xbox scenario, chaos was decending around me, a million chores to do, kids crying etc and i couldnt believe he'd just sat down and was gonna play xbox n leave me to do everything, but give him credit he did get up and help somewhat, tho not without sulking.

OP posts:
TurkeyBurgerThing · 14/01/2011 17:26

He's an actual cunt. He'll probably end up living with his mym until he's 50.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 14/01/2011 17:27

Do I reply? Have i made a terrible mistake and forgotten that there were some nice times in between the arsey ones? Or am i being soft n weak and should just move on?

OP posts:
rinabean · 14/01/2011 17:28

He said "stop being a bitch and shut your mouth". Never forget that! He is not worth your time!

rinabean · 14/01/2011 17:28

By which I mean don't reply, obviously! :)

Buda · 14/01/2011 17:29

Right. I have not read all of it but if him bringing his Xbox was a big thing to make him feel at home then you are well rid. Is he a bloody child??? FGS.

He is trying to make you feel guilty. He told you to shut your mouth. He didnt help with the children as he is still one himself. You deserve MUCH more.

Anonymousbird · 14/01/2011 17:34

Flojo - he is a twat of the highest order.

Jeez, go back read everything you have posted and the replies again if you have to.

Do NOT let this man back into your life.

Move on, girl, remember what he said and how he treated you.

Oh, and what Turkey said so well. Her first sentence just up there ^^^^

QuintessentialShadows · 14/01/2011 17:39
Shock What a juvenile waste of space.

Dont know what you could possibly reply to that?

Has he NO insight? Clearly not.

Just think long and hard before you reply. Between one and three sentences should suffice. Short and to the point.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 14/01/2011 17:39

And what do u make of the comment "I'm gonna miss DC2 and DC1 (yes DC1 he actually was the better one)"

Its just sank in, i'm furious that he can favouritise my kids, poor DC2 she def better off without him. What was i thinking. And he meant by DC1 being better one, that he is 5yrs old and DC2 is 2 years old and has some good tantrums.

I'm gonna slap myself for even thinking about replying, how dare he chose one over the other. They might not be his and he and DC1 havent always got along which is no doubt why he said it. Grrrrrr

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 14/01/2011 17:43

You could reply along the lines of,

"Clearly your mistake was not as big as mine, I should have realized before now that you are a big juvenile kid, and as I already have two, I don't need a third. Do not contact me again."

BuzzLightBeer · 14/01/2011 17:45

I would reply with 2 lines:

"stop being a bitch and shut your mouth,
and never contact me again"

SaggyHairyArse · 14/01/2011 17:49

He sounds like a right fucker. They are your kids, yes, but he needs to be a positive influence on their lives and speaking to their mother like that is appalling.

Don't bother dumping him, just don't contact him again and don't respond to any communications he sends, you will get reeled in again.

cookingfat · 14/01/2011 18:06

Quintessential has the correct response (if you send anything at all). You deserve much more... Onwards and Upwards!

Shimmerysilverglitter · 14/01/2011 18:21

PMSL at "You never realised that bringing my xbox was a big thing" how old is he 14?! What a tool.

If I had been wavering the comments about dc 1 being the better one would have have strengthed my resolve somewhat. I could have been with someone for ten years and I think I would go off them on the spot for that little gem.

However I may be unpopular for saying this but personally I would not request or want help with my dc. He is not their Dad and I hope I would set up any relationship so that he didn't really have any responsibilities with regards to them, who wants that kind of headache? But I am aware I am probably alone in this.

ValiumSilverTongue · 14/01/2011 18:30

Excellent buzzlightyear, perfect response. Says it all really.

Shimmerysilverglitter · 14/01/2011 18:39

Just read my post back and and when I say "who wants that kind of headache" I don't mean for the bloke btw, I mean for ME! I want to enjoy my kids not worry about all the stress that goes with introducing someone new into the equation.

Grandmar · 14/01/2011 20:20

He won't have any respect for you, until you have respect for yourself.

Kick him out.

MadAboutQuavers · 14/01/2011 22:24

FloJo, by sending that email he has just attempted to play you like a fiddle.

Well done for not falling for it. He really is a selfish little boy, isn't he?
Hmm

dittany · 14/01/2011 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 15/01/2011 15:09

Thanx, I havent and wont.

OP posts:
Toastiewoastie · 15/01/2011 15:32

" you'll never realise or believe your part in this" "it wasn't all you your fault" - notice how he is subtly putting the blame on you.

"I've always been able to ignore things, let them go... This is why I blame myself, I wanted us to work and should have let things go." - here he is trying to say "you made me behave the way I did, if I wasn't out of my mind in love with you I would have been calm when you were horrible to me"

"I actually wanted to cry". Really? Over an xbox game? How old is this guy? Hmm

"That said to me it would have never been our home, just yours and I'd be "staying" there."- Confused er, no! In fact the opposite is true. When people live together they both take responsibility for helping round the house. The way you behaved showed that you considered him a part of the family, not a guest with privileges. He just wants a mummy to do everything for him while he 'played' like a little boy.

"I'm so confused I dont know wheteher to be ok or completely destroyed." big puppy dog eyes...How could you be so cruel!!! Hmm

"I'm gonna miss DC2 and DC1 (yes DC1 he actually was the better one)" Shock O...M...G! Nuff said!

ValiumSilverTongue · 15/01/2011 15:57

Yeah, big of him ey, 'it wasn't ALL your fault'. Hmm and he 'nearly cried when you wouldn't let him play with his xbox'.

Let him blame you, let him play his xbox without needing to cry.....

Swipe left for the next trending thread