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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end it

222 replies

Flojo1979 · 11/01/2011 21:36

My boyfriend came to stay this wkend as it usually the case. I wish he'd stay forever but he "likes his space". On friday he was ill, throwing up, he stayed in bed all day and i looked after my kids whilst checking on him and asking him if he wanted anything etc. By next day i was sick as a dog too. But had to get up and look after my kids and muddle thro. I tutted and sighed along the way, while bf sat on sofa all day not lifting a finger and complaining he still felt ill. In end i said u could at least try to help me, he replied they r your kids stop being a bitch and shut your mouth. I told him i would not be spoken to like that and told him to leave, he replied if he left he wouldnt come back, to which i burst in to tears and begged him to stop being a bully and stay. He left with some sneering parting shot.
I've been with him a year and keep thinking no one is perfect so maybe i should put up n shut up??

OP posts:
Undertone · 11/01/2011 22:05

I dare say he has been pretty instrumental in undermining your confidence. When you've hoofed him out you will suddenly realise that you're actually a million times too good for him.

What a cock. Oo I could smack some of the guys I read about on here.

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 11/01/2011 22:06

Nope, not the guy for you - or indeed, anyone at all perhaps. Close the door on that person.

Merlotmonster · 11/01/2011 22:08

i agree with smallsherry .... be brave and take that step... good luck

BringOnTheGoat · 11/01/2011 22:13

I totally identify with that feeling of not wanting to be alone - but you already are - he's no help, totally selfish and a twat. You couldn't be more alone love Smile

ILovedYou · 11/01/2011 22:17

Bin and win!!

Do not text him or call him or speak to him ever again

Have some pride

Wish i had kids

fairtradefloozy · 11/01/2011 22:44

Flojo, don't be scared of being on your own. ?You're never alone with MN .

curlymama · 11/01/2011 22:56

Get rid. If you stay with him he will only destroy your confidence further. Think about what a lazt selfish bastard he was and get angry with him. Write a list of all the things he does to piss you off, and focus on it.

CatFlaps · 11/01/2011 23:44

Get rid pronto! I had an ex who started out like that but then got physically abusive. Pls get rid for yours, and your childrens sake.

QuintessentialShadows · 11/01/2011 23:46

DUMP THE FUCKER!

outnumbered2to1 · 12/01/2011 00:17

dump the arsehole. delete his number. don't answer his texts or calls.

outnumbered2to1 · 12/01/2011 00:18

just out of curiosity why does he only stay with you on the weekend? does he work away?

Feelingsensitive · 12/01/2011 00:19

Read your message again. And then again. And then again. It says all you need to know. He is a loser.

ThinThatch · 12/01/2011 00:29

"I know what i have to do. I'm just so weak and scared of being on my own"

It sounds like you are on your own even when he's there! He won't help you when you're ill even though you've looked after him. It doesn't sound like he's very kind or loving towards you and by telling you that he "needs his space" even though you want him with you "forever" it doesn't sound like he enjoys being with you more than being away from you which isn't a good sign.

You know you and your children deserve better. Smile

dittany · 12/01/2011 00:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 12/01/2011 00:32

end it end it end it NOW!!!

far betetr be happy alone than miserable in an abusive relationship.

he called you a bitch and told you to shut your mouth. that is all you need to know. accept it now and he will always do it. end it now and it stops. you are not a bitch are you? no you aren't so don't ever let anyone treat you like a bitch.

dittany · 12/01/2011 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stac2011 · 12/01/2011 00:42

he may only have been verbally abusive now but that generally leads to physical abuse so next time you say something he doesn't like you get a slap. Its all about control. You and your kids deserve better why settle for a shit when you could have a happy life. Also doesnt seem like he has any intentions of staying if he's only there at weekends and doesnt interact with your kids. I'm sorry hun but you know the answer to your own question. Get rid x

Jumpty · 12/01/2011 05:00

Would you want your kids to be in that kind of relationship on either side? Cos that's what they're learning if you stay with this loser.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 12/01/2011 05:06

Ask yourself this, how would being on your own have made this weekend any more difficult? The truth is it can't. This is not a man that lives you and your dc. Genus a man who takes what he wants and leaves you to get on with it. You should thank your lucky stars ge does not live with you because that is what your life would be like. He takes to you like that because he can, stop it now and dump him.

MadAboutQuavers · 12/01/2011 05:40

You ARE on your own, FloJo

He sounds delightful Hmm

You can always find another useless, commitment phobic, abusive waste of space to share your bed at weekends. They're ten a penny!

Treat him as just a really bad habit you've got yourself into, and cut him out of your life.

You, and your kids, don't deserve to have someone around who is quite prepared to treat you like this

Gemsy83 · 12/01/2011 05:44

Yet again im astonished at the lack of self respect some women on here have and the jerk offs they will put up with. Dump and run, you know this though and no doubt have been told countless times in RL

Emo76 · 12/01/2011 06:20

It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose by telling him to never come back. Alone or not you'll feel better about yourself for taking control of the situation.

YeahBut · 12/01/2011 06:22

Tell him to take his dog and his barbecue and fuck off (fave Aussie slang for sling yer hook).
Seriously, he's a knob and not someone who deserves to be around you or your kids.

MsKLo · 12/01/2011 06:48

Flojo

Please do not stay with someone who is such a twat. Please do not donthis to yourself and think about your childre! Do not expose them to such a vile person - you are their mother and you need to protect them and having such a nasty toxic man around is not protecting them.

Do not give in and if you feel like you will think about your children. His attitude towered them says a lot and they do not need that - please do not expose them to that again

In time you will meet a person who will treat you and your children with love

Do not see him again - you and your children deserve better

Mishy1234 · 12/01/2011 06:52

Get rid of him.

Of course you will be upset, but over time you will realise what a negative impact he had on you. You also have a responsibility to your DC's to get him out of their lives.