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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my DDs shoes back?

216 replies

purplewednesday · 07/01/2011 17:58

DD, aged 13 months goes to nursery. Another child there has an identical pair of shoes, and when her Dad collected her mid afternoon he took my DDs shoes instead of his DDs.

This Dad/ Mum won't bring them back until the child is there again on Monday. It doesn't bother them apparently because they have another pair of shoes they can use.
They would have had time too as it was mid afternoon they were taken. They are going away for the weekend which is why they can't return them, but they have only gone to Grandparents, it's not like they were catching a plane. Hmm

In the meantime, my DD has to go without shoes.

I hope they are MN and read this.

Not Happy.

OP posts:
LittleWhiteSnowWolf · 07/01/2011 18:26

I would have taken them back, but I live 2 minutes from nursery. However were I halfway to family who live hours away...well, then I wouldn't.

I'd be annoyed if DDs shoes were mistakenly taken, though. She also only has one pair of shoes, but she does have wellies which means it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Am shocked at the poster who's daughters shoes were taken and wrecked Shock Disgraceful behaviour!

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 18:28

It is just one of those things, he probably did not realise until he got home, by then packing getting ready to go would have come first.

Generally you think that a child would have more than one item of footwear, wellies at least.

LIZS · 07/01/2011 18:29

I'd have been mortified if dh had done this and made an effort to return if possible, but it may simply not have been for all you know, by the time nursery contacted them.

We had similar when ds went into school on a snowy day. They'd all taken off their snow boots , gloves etc to dry out. A much younger child was collected first by car and by the time I arrived ds' boots disapppeared . When the staff called the dad he said that his ds had said he could take them (several sizes larger and in addition to his own Hmm). Said dad was asked to return them asap, despite snowy roads, as I was waiting to walk dc home ! In his case commonsense was definitely lacking but I can understand in yours it was a genuine error (in fact I'm impressed the dad even recognised what shoes his dd has). Are they different sizes ? I'm sure you could manage over the weekend if you put your mind to it though.

mutznutz · 07/01/2011 18:29

How could an identical pair of shoes with no name on them be 'carelessly picked up?'

What if the other parent also couldn't be bothered to label his daughter's shoes...there would be no way of telling would there?

Imarriedafrog · 07/01/2011 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmReallyFabNow · 07/01/2011 18:30

I would have taken the shoes back as soon as I realised. Apart from it being the right thing to do, I wouldn't have wanted my child's shoes being worn by someone else.

skydance · 07/01/2011 18:31

It could easily be a half hour journey or more for them to return them, it's fairly standard for items from school or nursery to be returned next time the child is in.

Label everything, this will happen a lot once at school, most things are never seen again, at least you will hopefully get shoes back on monday.

Bogeyface · 07/01/2011 18:33

I dont get why people are saying that a child of that age should have more than one pair of shoes! They are expensive and they grow out of them so quickly that mine only ever had one pair until they were older. Sometimes they grew out of them in 6 weeks if they were having a growth spurt! As for wellies, well you tend to buy them when you need them and the OPs dc has only just started walking so it probably hasnt come up! She is 13 months ffs, not 13 years!

I would return them and expect them to be returned if it was done to me. You dont keep something as important as a childs shoes for a weekend when you made the mistake just because it is inconvenient! If you make a mistake, you rectify it, regardless of the inconvenience to yourself. If you dont you are just compounding the cock up!

I hate this "I'm alright Jack" attitude some people have!

Imarriedafrog · 07/01/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humanoctopus · 07/01/2011 18:38

My older children never had backup shoes as they would be growing out of them quickly and I stupidly thought that a cheap asda/tesco pair would do irreparable damage to their feet.

Scroll forward a couple more kids and several trips to a child podiatrist. She told me that as long as the shoe wasn't too tight or too loose, then always getting clarks, etc was silly. I took her advice, and my children's feet are in great condition, no evidence of being abused at all Grin

There are a number of qualities to look for in children's shoes, such as lightweight, flexible soles, etc that you can find in cheaper shops.

It is a mistake to assume that clarks fitters get it right each time. Its also a false assumption that cheap shoes will be ill fitting. Lidl regularly do excellent, leather lined toddler shoes, for example, these come highly recommended.

So, my advice is go and see what's available for small money (shoesforkids do an excellent home measuring guide), and be enjoy the weekend.

Original poster
purplewednesday · 07/01/2011 18:38

bogeyface - thank you.

I get the feeling that not everyone buys "proper" shoes for their toddlers and some people do have more than one pair of cheap supermarket shoes instead.

I am more concerned about getting the shoes back in their original condition to be honest.

OP posts:
earwicga · 07/01/2011 18:38

I doubt a 13 year old would have a pair of wellies either.

BodleianBabe · 07/01/2011 18:41

YANBU to want your shoes back. Anyone would. However you don't really know the situation of the other family. Unfortunately if you hadn't labelled the shoes it's not entirely the Dad's fault for picking up the wrong ones.I don't think men necessarily notice the finer grain detail of their children's clothing.

When my DS was at nursery my dad went to get DS whilst Mum waited upstairs chatting to the manageress. When she saw the coat DS was in she knew it couldn't be his as it was so filthy and she knew there was no way I would have sent him to nursery in that state (Light grey in colour which DP bought. Not a sensible colour choice but that's a whole different thread).

Anway nursery knew who's jacket it would be so they rang them up and my parents went round to their address to recover our jacket which I thought was a sensible solution all round although obviously not an option in this case.

humanoctopus · 07/01/2011 18:42

purplewednesday What exactly do you mean by "proper" shoes?

mutznutz · 07/01/2011 18:42

I'm sure people buy what their budgets allow OP? Anyway, I hope this will teach you to label everything as us parents should.

Bogeyface · 07/01/2011 18:43

Mine does earwciga!

activate · 07/01/2011 18:45

but if your dd and his son have the same shoes, surely he took your dd's and you took his son's and have them for the weekend

what is the problem then?

Louii · 07/01/2011 18:46

13 months old and only recently walking, yabu to spend £30 on a pair of shoes.
Clarke sale is on at the minute, alternatively the little flexible pram shoes, the leather ones would prob be better for a newly walking toddler.

Acanthus · 07/01/2011 18:47

That'll teach you - you can buy your Cash's name tapes now and begin your years of sewing, like the rest of us!

Imarriedafrog · 07/01/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earwicga · 07/01/2011 18:49

Louii - why? Properly fitted shoes are the best thing for children's feet. I was lucky in that my local thrift shop there was a seller with twins the next size up for my children in the early years, it was a bloody godsend. Now it just costs a fortune.

Original poster
purplewednesday · 07/01/2011 18:49

I haven't got someone elses childs shoes!

Why on earth would I?

Urgggh!

And yes, lesson learnt, I will label the bloody shoes when I get them back.

OP posts:
sparklerainbowglitter · 07/01/2011 18:50

Good practice for schooldays - by the time she is 13 years old (like my DD) you'll have lost countless shoes/ coats/ PE kits or had the wrong ones brought home many times!! I would just use the other childs pair for a couple of days TBH

earwicga · 07/01/2011 18:51

Cash's do shoe labels to put in the heels of shoes as well and the name doesn't wear off. Bit of a faff to put on but work well.

Acanthus - I still have tons of the buggers, the biro seems to have taken over after 8 years of sewing them on.

ScarlettWalking · 07/01/2011 18:51

I would have brought them back to you immediately but that's me

YANBU