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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's about time we could choose the sex of our babies..

227 replies

Articulate · 07/01/2011 16:38

Provided we already have one of the opposite sex. Horrible story in the DM (yes, I know)..about an Australian woman aborting healthy twin boys because they wanted a girl.

Yes, utterly vile and unnacceptable, but couldn't this have been avoided if she could have chosen the sex?

Like I said , only if you already have one of the opposite sex (or two maybe)...

OP posts:
Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 21:08

"I feel that aborting a child based on it's gender is plain wrong, and there needs to be a solution."

I agree!!! I just think that your suggested solution is vile!

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 21:08

My OP yes, your point?

OP posts:
Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 21:11

I posted your OP in response to Valium's assertion that it had nothing to do with abortion:

ValiumTinselton Fri 07-Jan-11 20:59:44
wow, you're fucking nuts. In the posts I read, and in the OP, her original scenario didn't suggest abortion.

earwicga · 07/01/2011 21:11

'I feel that aborting a child based on it's gender is plain wrong, and there needs to be a solution.'

The only solution in this case is that the IVF clinic acted responsibly. They didn't. And they didn't abort a child(ren), they aborted foetuses.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 21:17

How are the clinic supposed to know that the couple would abort if they had boys. I'm sure they didn't inform them of their intentions.

How did the clinic act irresposibly?

OP posts:
muminthemiddle · 07/01/2011 21:19

New to the thread.

I feel tremendous sympathy with anyone who loses a chid and I can really understand the need to "replace" that child as I think I would want to do the same in that situation.
However this doesn't necessarily make it right.
I do think that some people would then progress to the selection of height, weight eye and hair coulour. after all if you could buy the desired genes then what would stop you if it were available?
Difficult situation tbh. Also agree that the couple need counselling.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 21:19

They aborted twin male foetuses because they were the 'wrong' gender.

And MY thoughts are sick!

OP posts:
Caboodle · 07/01/2011 21:27

Of course it's vile to abort based on gender, but it's also vile to select gender imo. An earlier poster made a valid point - the answer is not to allow gender slection but to try and prevent abortions based on gender.

HalfTermHero · 07/01/2011 21:28

YABU, op. It has been suggested in studies that attractive couples/beautiful people have a greater chance of having female offspring (one study cites that a very attractive individual is 26% less likely to have a son). If people start picking and choosing at will then future generations of women will get uglier! The Style & Beauty section on MN will get quieter and quieter until eventually the board will have to be shut down.

WinkGrin

TheManWhoSoldtheWorld · 07/01/2011 21:42

Completely disagree with being able to select gender, unless for a medical predisposition.

I can't believe people would abort healthy male twins because of their sex.

jellybeans · 07/01/2011 21:46

I can see how it must be hard to lose a baby and have a different sex as it is another 'finality' that your previous baby, the baby who would/should have been is not here. I have lost 2 babies who were stillborn, both girls. In each subsequesnt pregnancy afterwards I had boys, in one case twins.

It's very hard to explain and not the same for me as we already had 2 older DDs but I can understand that it is hard to get different the next time especially if it is a longed for son/daughter BUT I was never ever devastated and I was so grateful for having another baby, boy/girl was irrelevant, also in a way it was easier being the opposite sex to what i lost so i was happy every time for what i got. I have 5 DC and it is personailty more than gender that counts.

There is a website somewhere called In gender or something and there is a message board called 'extreme gender disapointment' where people outwardly admit they will abort if they get the wrong sex and people sympathising. Usually it is mums of boys who want a girl but occasionally it is the opposite. Can you imagine how people would react if it was a man wanting to abort girls until he had a boy? I find reading that kind of thing hard but I try to see things from others points of view but that won't happen with someone like me who has lost babies probably.

So overall, I am sad for what they did. Those babies, whatever the sex, would probably have brought joy. A daughter may not be what they hoped. Any child is a blessing.

jellybeans · 07/01/2011 21:51

'But I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who suffer 'gender disappointment.'

Same with me. I find it hard when people comiserate and say i am so sorry when someone doesn't get what they want...Like that programme about lots of boys and wanting a girl, that was awful. Those women were shocking. They have lots of healthy lovely boys, why is that something to be sorry for. Yes it is fine to be abit sad for the daughter you maybe dreamt about but you ACTUALLY have lovely sons right in front of you!! They actually think they have a medical condition..

Newgolddream · 07/01/2011 21:57

jellybeans - you said "it is personailty more than gender that counts."

Now that I totally agree with, as a Mum of 3 boys I to got the "so you will be hoping for a girl through my last 2 pregnancies" and even after DS3 was born - "thats a shame" ffs!!!

I also dont get this "balanced family" thing - Ive seen it mentioned in this thread about having at least 1 of each sex as being a "balanced family" - patronising guff - does that mean my family "isnt balanced"??

My 8 year old has just left the room after telling me how much he loves me, my 17 year old is growing up into a well balanced and nice young man and my 3 year is an absolute joy to me as we didnt think we would have any more children - so yes personality is much more important than gender.

I know a woman with 2 boys and a girl, and its never the boys you see pics on FB of or that she talsk about - its alwsy her "little princess" - god how I hate seeing that phrase, she will be lucky that her boys dont go off the rails thats for sure knowing they are second best to her little princess.

cupcakebakerer · 07/01/2011 22:02

No of course not!!!! I pray for a healthy baby - regardless of sex. My baby is more at risk of defects and stillbirth and so people with that opinion totally confuse me.

TheManWhoSoldtheWorld · 07/01/2011 22:03

jellybeans, I think your last line says it all. Any child is a blessing.

We had DD1, she was born severely disabled with a very rare syndrome. She died at just over 2. We then had genetic CVS testing on DS and DD2, thankfully both healthy.

All I wanted was healthy children, their gender had no interest to me. I know I am coming from an extreme point of view, but I just think that they had little to worry about and should be thankful for whichever sex they got.

FWIW DS 3.7 is more cuddly/loves pink etc than DD2 who at 22 months is a brute.

jellybeans · 07/01/2011 22:06

'You clearly are not a fan of boys. I know many like you sadly.'

Sadly I have noticed on mumsnet too that there are more threads of people 'devatstaed' when finding out it is another boy..Even a horrible one about a gloating mum of girls saying how boring her step son (age 7) was and she was so grateful not to have one :( and he bored her to death about lego and such things..there was no joy in him at all..but the posters girls were so wonderful of course..I felt so sorry for the poor lad and never forgot that thread.

I have both boys and girls and can honestly say I was abit 'fearful' of boys because all my friends who were mums of boys were 'desperate' for girls and I had enjoyed my 2 girls and didn't really see the appeal of boys as was too wrapped up in my girls (and had no brothers etc). But i was never that bothered due to having many losses, I was just nervous..

Well, when i had my own sons my eyes were opened to the joys that are little boys and sons!!! Now I see the joy and appeal of other little boys and see what i was 'missing' and that some of the people negative about boys who only have girls just have no idea that boys are every bit as scrummy, if they had their OWN boy they probably would! If i had another baby i would honestly be thrilled to have another boy, in a way i find them easier as my teenaged DD is a handful!!(and she is at the easier end of what I see my friends, her friends mums, deal with).

swanandduck · 07/01/2011 22:08

Just because that couple did such a revolting thing does not mean that medicine should pander to it. What happens if they then decide they only want blond haired children or children with a high IQ? People should welcome their children whatever the gender.

2shoes · 07/01/2011 22:09

yabu
if you can't accept that you might not get the sex you want, don't have a baby......simple.

vanitypear · 07/01/2011 22:10

Well I agree with your view Articulate. Can't see the harm as you say, where people want a balanced family.

I read that hoary old book and did OV sticks, ate bananas, plotted my cycle and banned DH his hot baths because I wanted a boy second time round. Is this sex selection and therefore vile (or old wives' tales, depends who you believe).

I don't think it makes anybody "vile" to quote someone else to want a gender-balanced family. I wouldn't have loved a second girl any less than my son.

Couldn't it also help with overpopulation - surely plenty of people who go in for another baby 3 because they have two, three or four of one sex and would really love the other to balance things up a bit. I cannot see the harm, so long as it is all pre-conception.

cupcakebakerer · 07/01/2011 22:11

Agreed 2shoes

1944girl · 07/01/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vanitypear · 07/01/2011 22:15

2shoes - I don't think OP's saying at all that she can't accept the sex she gets. At all. I think she's saying sometimes people might prefer to choose.

This development is surely going to happen - it's just a matter of when, I'm sure. I don't feel strongly about it I just think the way society evolves, it is almost certainly going to come about for those who want it.

Lamorna · 07/01/2011 22:54

I hope that it never does! I think that we should do our utmost to stop any selection.A baby is a precious gift, not a commodity for people to say 'I would like one but only if it is a ......'!!!! People are far too used to having choice, which is OK for a car or a handbag but not for a human being!
If you only want a child of a certain sex then you should question whether you want a child at all.

Lamorna · 07/01/2011 22:56

What would you do if you get a girl who can't abide shopping with her mother? Send her back? For every girl who is her mother's best friend there is a girl who isn't on speaking terms with her mother! Love the child you have however imperfect you think thy are!

WidowWadman · 07/01/2011 23:13

I've got another 5 months left before child no 2 of unknown gender is to be born and already people have asked whether we would go for a third if this one turns out to be another girl.

They might be joking, but I find that attitude rather scary and annoying. Really really don't get gender preference at all.

Also, if you could select the gender of your second child to ensure that it's not the same as the first, doesn't it kind of tell your firstborn that it wasn't good enough?

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