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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's about time we could choose the sex of our babies..

227 replies

Articulate · 07/01/2011 16:38

Provided we already have one of the opposite sex. Horrible story in the DM (yes, I know)..about an Australian woman aborting healthy twin boys because they wanted a girl.

Yes, utterly vile and unnacceptable, but couldn't this have been avoided if she could have chosen the sex?

Like I said , only if you already have one of the opposite sex (or two maybe)...

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 16:38

Should it make any difference what sex a baby is so long as it is healthy.

Sassybeast · 07/01/2011 16:41

Vile , horrible and indicative of our 'I want I want' society.

People who have such issues with the gender of a child need counselling, not the ability to chose if their baby has a penis or not.

Ewe · 07/01/2011 16:41

You already can but it is invasive and expensive.

I think YABU as it is a very slippery slope, if you're choosing gender why not choose eye colour, hair colour etc.

Serendippy · 07/01/2011 16:42

So a couple who desperately want a boy would have to have a child. If it turned out to be an unwanted girl, they could then choose to have a boy. What about the girl who was never wanted but they had to have her on the path to getting their boy?

It could have been avoided if she had gotten pregnant for the sake of having a child, rather than a girl.

AFAIK you can pay shedloads of money to go to the USA and choose the sex.

Maybe one day we will be able to choose the sex of our babies. Until then, don't purposefully get pregnant if you are after one sex or the other because you may be disappointed.

SirBoobAlot · 07/01/2011 16:43

Agree with Sassy and Ewe.

Didn't Hitler suggest something similar?

mincenmash · 07/01/2011 16:44

i think nature should take its own course. Can't believe that story, so shocking, how could she do that?

mincenmash · 07/01/2011 16:48

Just found that story online. She already had 3 boys and fell pregnant with these twins through IVF. But they wanted a girl so aborted the IVF babies. That makes it sound even worse to me. Some people try so hard just to have 1 by IVF and don't always succeed.

Pompoko · 07/01/2011 16:54

People should be greatful for their babies wether they are girls or boys.

If you are so desperate for one or the other that you are willing to abort healthy babies because they are 'wrong sex', why not adopt? Then you would have the girl/boy you want desperatly, a motherless baby/child will have a family AND there will be no unwanted boys/ girls born or aborted

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 16:58

Serendippy..that's an extreme way of looking at it. There are many people who dearly love their children, but would love one of the opposite sex.

There are extremes for everything, but you can't second guess everyone's motives.

OP posts:
Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 17:00

Pompoko...there are not an endless supply of adoptive children, why do people always say this!

Adoption can be a painful, lengthy route, and not everyone wants to adopt.

OP posts:
TwinklePants · 07/01/2011 17:01

What a sad story, and partly why for my own sanity I try to keep away from the Daily Fail.

I had IVF and am 18 weeks pregnant with a little boy, I had cervical cancer in 2009 and am frankly very fortunate to be carrying a baby at all. On top of this my pregnancy is "high risk" (I have hardly any cervix so in theory at risk of a late m/c or premature birth) and I thank my lucky stars every night before I go to bed that I have made it through the day and am still pregnant. I couldn't give a stuff what flavour my baby is tbh, I just want to get to hold him safely in my arms in about 20 weeks.

I am firmly "pro choice" but don't understand why someone would go through such an invasive process such as IVF to then abort their child or children. I am sure that there are women who do do this, for example if their baby is likely not to survive after birth due to medical reasons - IMO 'not getting what you want' regarding gender is not a good enough reason.

I used to think I would prefer a girl myself, it's funny how a change in circumstances can alter your perceptions!

minipie · 07/01/2011 17:02

I don't understand the OP. How would parents choose the sex of their child, except by aborting?

Or do you mean only in cases of IVF?

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 17:03

*there is not

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 07/01/2011 17:04

You can do sperm selection, which is much less invasive, but it's not 100%.

The worry I have about sex selection for non-medical reasons is what happens to chlid of the "wrong" gender in the small % of cases where it doesn't work.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 17:06

I mean people should be able to choose the sex prior to the actually pregnancy..

OP posts:
Eglu · 07/01/2011 17:07

YABU! A lot of people before they have children have a preference for girls as boys are so villified in everyday life. Even in t-shirts. Girls - "little angel" Boys - "little devil" "here comes trouble"

It is an appalling idea, and as other have said people who have that much of an issue need counselling.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 17:07

Trillian, valid point...there is always a margin for error I guess.

OP posts:
TwinklePants · 07/01/2011 17:09

Pompoko the 'why don't you just adopt' line is a major bugbear for me and for many infertile couples - I find that it is most often bandied around by people who have no problems getting and staying pregnant and usually have not adopted themselves so don't understand what is involved with the process.

Adoption is a wonderful thing to do IMO but not for everyone for a number of reasons that I would rather not get into here.

amberleaf · 07/01/2011 17:09

YABU

trixie123 · 07/01/2011 17:10

no Hitler didn't say this and using the Nazis as a short cut to arguing something is wrong is lazy. The slippery slope argument is also weak as it assumes a progression from one thing to the next for which there is no evidence and causes all sorts of things which might be useful to be ruled on the basis that we are unable to exercise restraint. "Family balancing" is a serious issue for some - I just spent the afternoon with my son trying to rampage round my friend's living room while she looked on in bemused horror because her two girls just don;t behave like that. I know numerous people who have had two boys and are reluctant to try for a third because they just couldn't cope with 3 boys but would dearly love a daughter. Its not just the presence or absence of a penis but the generally quite marked differences in behaviour (though I know this is a generalisation) and also the prospect of grown up sons and daughters. I think it is something that deserves consideration, though hard to make an argument for it on the NHS and then you get inequality issues.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 17:10

But many, many people DO have that much of an issue Eglu...you can't dismiss it just because it doesn't apply to you.

It doesn't apply to me either, but I can see that babies are being aborted because of it.

OP posts:
TwinklePants · 07/01/2011 17:10

As an aside, I think that it is possible to select gender as part of IVF in America - I think its called pre gender selection (PGD). I am sure I have read about it somewhere.

Sassybeast · 07/01/2011 17:11

Twinklepants - agree. And the whole notion of selecting what gender a baby is is usually only bandied around by the same people - those who get and stay pregnant easily.

minipie · 07/01/2011 17:15

Ah, understood Trillian

I think there would also be a concern that people wanting a girl only do so because they have certain expectations about what a girl will be like. So what happens if they get a girl but she's not naturally a very girly girl? Do they try to make her girlier?
(Same applies with those wanting a boy of course)

TotorosOcarina · 07/01/2011 17:15

I think the couple in the article HAD a daughter but she died, so they were trying to have another girl to replace her.

Very sad actually.

:(