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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's about time we could choose the sex of our babies..

227 replies

Articulate · 07/01/2011 16:38

Provided we already have one of the opposite sex. Horrible story in the DM (yes, I know)..about an Australian woman aborting healthy twin boys because they wanted a girl.

Yes, utterly vile and unnacceptable, but couldn't this have been avoided if she could have chosen the sex?

Like I said , only if you already have one of the opposite sex (or two maybe)...

OP posts:
flossymuldoon · 07/01/2011 19:52

naughtymummy Where i live it is 1 free IVF per couple and ONLY if you don't have any other children. If you have another child, and even if you have adopted or if one of you have a biological child from a previous relationship who you have legal guardianship of then you get nothing. We got 1 free cycle and $18,000 of debt!! Sad

You arguement is like saying that just because some people get free cosmetic surgery because they've been injured in a car crash, then anyone else should also be able to also have free cosmetic surgery just because they might fancy a nose job!

TheButterflyEffect · 07/01/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheButterflyEffect · 07/01/2011 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 19:54

'Sick service'??? Get over yourself Eartha..Dumping baby girls in the gutter is sick ffs.

As you are very happy with your girls then consider yourself truly blessed and stop jumping on the very real emotions of others. Selfish woman.

OP posts:
ragged · 07/01/2011 19:55

yanbu. I don't need to read the thread to know that's an opinion in a tiny minority.

Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 19:57

"As you are very happy with your girls then consider yourself truly blessed and stop jumping on the very real emotions of others. Selfish woman."

I'm selfish because I think there's something sick about not accepting your children for who they are?

Take a look in the fucking mirror.

cory · 07/01/2011 20:00

MrsPennySworth Fri 07-Jan-11 17:50:20
"minipie I don't know for sure but I know that my reasons for my slight preference to having a girl the third time (and I say slight because I honestly would have been happy with a boy as well!) was not to do the 'girly' things growing up but I always thought about when my children would be adults and, with my boys, I would be the dreaded MIL !!! (Although obviously not on purpose !).

It just seems that more often than not, when girls get married/have children they turn to their own mums to help them and involve them more. God forbid the MIL should get involved !"

If it's any consolation MrsPenny, my Mum had 3 boys and one girl (me). Out of her sons, one lives with his family (including DIL) in the same house as them, looks after all the practical things and pays a lot of their bills- they have a very close relationship with the DIL and the children; the other two sons look in regularly. Their daughter otoh emigrated and sees them twice a year.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:00

Jesus Eartha...are you deliberately misunderstanding me? Re-read the thread.

And the swearing is just crass.

OP posts:
Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 20:00

And why have you decided that already having one (or two) of the opposite sex is a good enough reason? What if you already have one of one sex and want another of that sex? Why is that not valid?

Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 20:01

I've read the thread, your posts make me feel sick to my stomach.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:06

Well obviously the already having one or two is open to debate. It was an opener, a suggestion..Obviously people are welcome to reasonably discuss their thoughts on why that wouldn't be such a great idea and why.

I guess more of one sex would be fine, but if I was running a clinic..I would probably want to discover why that was, and decide whether or not to treat them accordingly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:07

Eartha, seriously, you're being a drama queen now. It's not big or clever.

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 07/01/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:10

Where did I say that TheButterflyEffect? I never said they were inherently different at all.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 07/01/2011 20:11

YABU OP. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. This couple have conceived 3 healthy boys so far and have failed to have a healthy girl. Maybe that's how it was meant to pan out? Yes it's easy for me to say, I have a lovely healthy DD of my own and another baby on the way, both conceived naturally, but honestly I do think that.

It makes me sad to think of all those people who have struggled to conceive, still struggling or were forced to give up without success because I'm sure they'd sell their souls to be pregnant with one baby, let alone 2, and this couple have as good as thrown this oppurtunity down the toilet. Sad

Earthakitten · 07/01/2011 20:11

Articulate, I know you're feeling brave, because you're posting under your AIBU namechange and all.

But really, you seem to be protesting a lot. Selective pregnancies are not the answer to the problems of people like you who can't accept their children for who they are.

WindnRain · 07/01/2011 20:13

Oh for fucks sake.

TheButterflyEffect · 07/01/2011 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WindnRain · 07/01/2011 20:15

That was to the original post by the way

heymango · 07/01/2011 20:17

All-girl families are more prized on Mumsnet - how many threads do we have saying 'please console me, I've just found out I'm having another boy' - never ever seen that in reverse.

Just because you don't have a yearning for a particular sex, doesn't mean to say that no-one does. I admit I really wanted a girl - can't particularly explain why, just a very strong feeling. I don't think I want her to grow up in my image (am a tomboy myself!), or for her to be anything in particular, I just wanted a balanced family, and to experience parenting a girl.

There was the test case years ago where a family of 4 or so boys had lost their daughter in a fire, and wanted to conceive a girl - it was refused, and that law still stands in the UK.

The problem is, that although a case such as that may seem worthy, where do you draw the line? I think that's why there is a blanket rule of it not being allowed.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:18

For the last time, I am happy with my boys.

Eartha, I'm done with you, you have nothing constructive to say.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 07/01/2011 20:19

Can you imagine if this was possible, only girls in Europe, and boys in China.

It would change the world.

heymango · 07/01/2011 20:22

In answer to the OP, it may have been avoided if they had been able to choose the sex, but I really have a problem with people like that having ANY children.

To be that extreme in their desperation for one sex, is surely a recipe for disaster even if they do end up with the 'right' sex - the poor baby would surely have some pretty high expectations laid on them.

Original poster
Articulate · 07/01/2011 20:23

I see what you mean Butterfly, good point.

I guess I'm thinking about the families who have 2 or 3 of one sex and yearn for a son/daughter.

I think wanting gender selection is fair enough in that case. I don't think boys and girls are so different, and I don't really see a problem with wanting a 'balance'.

OP posts:
TandB · 07/01/2011 20:24

This is an interesting issue, but in my opinion YABVU, OP. I don't buy your arguments at all. Particularly not sure why Eartha is selfish for disagreeing.

This issue was discussed on another forum I used to be on, after some program about gender disappointment. Someone linked to another forum specifically about gender disappointment and it was horrific. People were discussing aborting children of the "wrong gender" repeatedly until getting the "right" gender. People were speaking about those who had the "perfect" family in unbelievably spiteful ways - eg my friend has got her girl and I haven't and I want to spit on her. People hoping others had miscarriages so they wouldn't have to see them with their "choice" of gender. That sort of thing.

Gender disappointment is clearly a real issue for some people, but having seen some of the things written on that forum, I could never, ever advocate giving some of these women what they want as an answer to the issue. I don't think anyone should be embarking on a pregnancy in that state of mind. What if the child disappoints in some other way? What if the gender selection goes wrong?