young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

Why tell them anything? I'm with you btw. It's her body, her choice. If she is happy with it, who are we to judge?

I know of plenty of sex workers and ex sex workers who are not traumatised by their choosen 'careers'.

If anyone asks just say you are not sure, but think it maybe dancing or some sort of entertainment work. Be vauge. Or ask her what she tells people.

It sounds to me like you are more concerned about what people might think about you or your family as a result of her 'career choice' than you are about her. You said it yourself, she is an adult and this is her choice. If it were me I probably wouldn't like it either but I don't really see that there is anything you can do to 'stop' her.

There's been allsorts in my family (bad drug addicts, depression, teenage pregnancy, suicide attempts) but at the end of the day that's life - and you'll find most families have their own tragedies and problems. You can't choose your family, and you have to accept that people make their own choices and sometimes they are not the same as yours.

Agree with DMC but I think people perhaps make assumptions with escorts that aren't necessarily true - i.e. she is not necessarily a sex worker by being an escort as many agencies are pretty strict on that I would imagine!

Seems sensible to ask her what she tells people, although if she's brave enough to do those jobs she's probably brave enough to tell people about it.

It is hopefully her choice and she is not being exploited. Though to totally avoid exploitation in the sex industry is virtually unheard of.

I would check on her welfare and help her address any issues of possible debt problems, addiction or mental health and hope that she understands the implications for her long term self esteem. Prostitution is unhealthy for her but she probably knows that at the age of 20.

It is no one else's business if anyone asks.

The problem is that people are interested in how she is getting so much money - it is pretty clear from her clothes etc that she is well off now :). She is reasonably open about it (I think) to her friends but being about 20 years younger than me we do not exactly mix so am not entirely clear what she tells them. However as she is family our paths cross fairly frequently and everyone knows she exists so they ask - some more so than others. I've tried the fob off but some are quite insistant as in "well what sort of entertainment, I can't see how she can make that much dancing" etc etc. I think that they basically know what she does, but want me to admit it so that they can disapprove of me for not "doing something" :(

Can't you just say that you don't really know and stick at that? If you're not her legal guardian or mother I don't really see why people should expect you to "do something" about it anyway. She is not your responsibility and how she makes her money/ chooses to live her life is entirely her own decision.

some are quite insistant as in "well what sort of entertainment, I can't see how she can make that much dancing" etc etc. I think that they basically know what she does, but want me to admit it
Those are the friends you need to let go of.

First of all it doesn't reflect upon you as well you know, except...

what sort of society sets up the ideas that it is an acceptable way for a young adult to make money by prostituting herself

dreadful that you actually would consider this a decent career choice for anyone let alone a family member

money motivation does not end up at the full stop that is prostitution. I notice that when a young man is "money motivated" no one suggests he sucks cocks for a living

have you questioned this career route? does it often move onto better things?

she is a young adult and therefore takes her direction from those who know more of the world and therefore should know better

at some point she has been railroaded to believe that this is a viable route toward making money and that all her person is worth is a few pounds and the ejaculate of strangers
I suppose that these might be some of the questions levelled at you as a family and toward you personally

Good for her. Hope she's happy and healthy and not exploited.

Friends and aquaintances probably all have their own ishoos in their own families and shouldn't throw stones. Who is perfect anyway?

I agree - check on her welfare. Be someone she can talk to and be honest with without judgement.

If anyone asks she is working in London in the events industry. No-one knows wtf that is and it's close enough.

She is 20 and earning a living.

I would have loved to have done that when i was younger, just not quite enough body confidence...

Why should you have stopped her doing something she wanted to do and is doing well at? and i also no reason why she should be ashamed of it, or you of her.

i dont see the problem wiith doing what you want to do, not hurting anyone else, and being happy...but i recon this thread is going to go downhill quite quickly. Women cant do things just because they fancy it it must be because of men/porn/donkeys at blackpool (insert random thing to blame of choice here)

Well ask them what they propose that you do. She is an adult. You cannot confine her to her house or threaten to take away her pocket money.

Or if they are that uptight ask them how do they know how much a dancer earns, did they used to do it?? I used to dance and on busy nights could make upwards of £400 easily. It's not that hard when the club is busy and people tip well.

If it was me I'd be looking for new, more tolerant friends.

I don't think you need to discuss it with other people, sounds a lot like gossip to me.
Asking you directly about her finances is a bit rude anyhow, tell them to mine their own business. Or at least just smile and nod, agree she seems to be doing well for herself and isn't that nice.

Babydubs....bemused that you say you didn't have enough body confidence to be a prostitute? The mind boggles.

TeenageWildlife I agree in principal but in fact it is not that easy as everyone knows everyone so it is not so easy to drop half your friends and there are a lot of DM readers out there who love to disapprove.

Twinckepants "It sounds to me like you are more concerned about what people might think about you or your family as a result of her 'career choice' than you are about her." that is sort of my point - she has made a choice, it appears to be working for her, I am more concerned about me and my life than her and her life. She is a grown up and appears to be doing this of her own free will and appears comfortable with it so why should I be more concerned about her than I am about me and mine?

Why is it up to you to account for what your relative does? Surely the answer to 'How is she getting so much money?' is 'I don't know, why don't you ask her?'

If you're concerned for her welfare then by all means talk to her about that, but it sounds as though you're being treated by your family as a kind of responsible older person to this young woman and being asked to take on responsibility for her, whether you like it or not, through a kind of family catsbumface onslaught.

Its nobody elses business but hers. So long as she is doing it because she wants to, and nobody is forcing her, then good luck to her.

dreadful that you actually would consider this a decent career choice for anyone let alone a family member

I'd be concerned for her safety but as she's an adult it's up to her what she does.

Flummoxed as to what your cousin chooses to do has anything to do with your friends and aqauintances. I'd leave it up to her to tell other people if she chooses to. If anyone wants to know how she maintains her lifestyle they can ask her themselves.

I cant see the problem, Ive know quite a few who have worked in the 'entertainment industry, in varying degrees, Stippers, dancers, escorts, escort who will sleep with a few select customers, who they would have slept with anyway. Whats the problem, it was all consented and agreed, no one was being expolited, they had a lot of fun and took what they needed and moved on to something else once qualified, got bored whatever.

My exsil in particular did really well, coming from nothing with no chance of bettering herself with a conventional job, started dancing, raised my nephew single handed and bought a house outright - no way could she have done it any other way unfortunatly. but then again not unfortunatly, she made some great friends, had a laugh, we went clubbing everynight. was a blast.

And yes i would have loved to have joined her, but with my huge ass and two left feet it wasnt meant to be. Would have loved to though.

it's up to her and nobody else. your friends aren't friends if tehy judge you by what she does.

yes I am positive that prostitution isn't a sound career move

I am also certain that the OP isn't against her family member's prostitution as she isn't saying

My family member has become a prostitute. I am devastated, How do I persuade her that whoring herself for money is a bad move?

she's asking a question about potential gossip regarding herself and couching her relative's career choice in terms of money motivation, superficial wealth and apparent happiness

Babydubs.....

If anyone asks nosy questions, tell them you don't feel comfortable discussing your relative behind her back.

There are plenty of young women who go out on the town at weekends, on the pull. They get a willing bloke to buy them drinks, take them for a meal, and they sleep with him at the end of the night.

No difference really IMO.

There is a big difference though between a woman who stands on a street corner, selling her body for sex, and really putting herself at risk, and a woman who gets paid to accompany men on dates (etc...) through a registered agency.

Why the sad face, it was fun!