young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

Scurry do you work with abused women/prostitutes on a professional level?

Some of my working friends had been raped , but not whilst at work.

I agree with OLKN, the industry needs regulating to make it safer for all, especially those who are trafficked/co-erced into it.

But the fact remnains that many women who work in the sex industry do it because they chose to and because they enjoy it. They don't feel abused or degraded in anyway.

DMC, yes, my last role was.

I don't think my friends would have used your services as they were/are happy with their work. Surely you can see that you were only ever going to meet those who were abused? And I'm not denying that abuse to does happen to the more vunerable, but that does not seem to be the case with op's relative.

My argument is not that abuse doesn't happen at all in the sex industry, but that it doesn't happen to every woman working as a prostitute/porn star/escort.

ANd many millions more do not have that experience Dittany. I did not read the article. I am MNetting between feeding dogs and managing children who will not sleep. When I get a second I will read it.

I do have sympathy for those who have been abused, but I can have that sympathy and still see that not all sex workers are abused.

I wasn't as a dancer. My friends were not as escorts/parlour girls/dancers.

Believe me DMC, I dealt with women who are in that very position. Many are your common or garden prostitutes, many are other sex trade workers, most are ordinary women who find themselves in the periphery of these "trades". I am not influenced purely because of the traditional seedy side.

If women don't want to be prostitutes, how come the OP's relative made just that choice?

I'd agree many women don't, even that most women don't.

But some women do, and are happy in their work, and are not oppressed, raped and beaten.

would they confide in you if they weren't - Yes, why wouldn't they have? One of them is male and is my best friend. We tell each other everything. He is godparent to my daughter and is now qualified and working elsewhere.

Two others (females) supported me during the breakdown of my first relationship and my pregnancy with dd1. One of those girls lived with me, with her child for a short while after her relationship broke down and she found herself homeless. It was during this time that she told me what she did for a living. I was not dancing at that point, I was a barmaid and had met her in the gym.

These people trust me and have bo reason to lie to me or to hide things from me.

You seem to like to tell people what they think Dittany. I have had debates like this with you over lapdancing, where you ended up telling me I was dellusional (not at all insulting) and abused and did not enjoy dancing at all.

Clearly we are going around in circles here. You are not willing to accept that women can think for themselves and will not always agree with your viewpoint.

You make some great posts in realtionships and I have seen you being a great support to women who are being abused in their relationship, but wrt the sex industry we will never eye to eye and it would be easier just to agree to disagree.

Op - just ask your relative what she tells people and ignore what anyone else thinks. It is not their business.

There is a great deal of abuse, violence and sexual assault inflicted on women in couple-relationships by their husbands/partners. Yet women choose to marry and live with men, and are not generally told (except perhaps by the most headbangingly radical lesbian separatists) that if they claim to be happy with their partners they are lying/deluded/making a choice which harms other women.

It's not "any man who feels like paying", she still has the right to say "no" at any point from the door first opening till she leaves, like any other sexual encounter.

I can't remember what name I was using at the time, I've had a few names.

Why would they want to do it? Money, excitement, lots of money quickly, flexible working hours.

Not every one views sex as a big deal.

Dittany you don't listen at all do you, just because you feel that way about your feeling and yourself it does not mean that the rest of the female popultion share your opinion. This is going around in circles. Dittany the fact is that all the things you think can't possibly happen probably do, there are lots of happy sex workers with other opprions but are happy doing what they do. They don't need your pitty or even your understanding and they also don't view men the way you do, your hatred for them oozes from your posts. It's unhealthy. I give up you only read the bits that suit you anyway. Happy debating ladies

SGB, I think you will find that abused women are often deluded and lying when they claim they are making a choice -that is the whole point of abuse and control. And desist from the homophobia, please.

DooinMeCleanin, did you ever have a "tulip"-related nic? Can't remember exactly what it was, but she'd been a lapdancer.

dittany, she's probably earning £100 an hour after paying her agency commission, and possibly a driver. You can easily afford to walk away from a tosser when you have 2 or 3 of those a day, 3 or 4 days a week, you know?

Where are your statistics for that, dittany?

OP, am not sure why you posted

going back to your original question, you obviously condone your young relative's career choice and don't see any problem with it, so why not just be out and proud about it ?

tell the world !

educate all the repressed people who happen to think that sex should not be for sale !

why ever not ?

No but she was on that thread with me I think, 'pinktulip' or something similar, I could have been using the name shesellsseashellbytheseashore, maybe?

And they do have the right to say no. They make an awful lot of money. One customer is not going to break the bank.

Yes, I like sex dittany, and I'm getting on a bit, hence my familiarity with lube. Or are you suggesting that the thousands of men and women who use lube in sexual play are actually all loathing their partners? You do have some funny ideas.

And more of the vitrol! I am arrogant yes, not o. This matter though, I just find it sad when people have such closed minds that they 'just can't get their heads around' other ways of life, oh well.