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AIBU?

To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

234 replies

MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 15:59

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

OP posts:

Report

TheCrackFox · 05/01/2011 16:53

How about getting her a subscription to Saga magazine?

narkypuffin · 05/01/2011 16:54

You have been very mature and should be proud of yourself.

And if in 6 months or so her details happened to be passed on to Stannah stairlifts, those walk in bath people and the ones who make those chairs that catapult grannies, well that would just be karma.

weblette · 05/01/2011 16:54

Oxfam used to do a load of dung as a present. I'm sure it would be the most appropriate present for the old cow.
Seriously well done you

whatkatydidathome · 05/01/2011 16:55

say "yes", smile, and then drop a tray of something containing beetroot all over her.

mamatomany · 05/01/2011 16:56

OMG am speechless

singingcat · 05/01/2011 16:58

I would also be really tempted, if you see her in the future, to speak to her like Basil Fawlty talking to Mrs Richards in Fawlty Towers, i.e. very slowly and loudly because she is sooo old. 'IS THIS A PIECE OF YOUR BRAIN???'

MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 16:59

narkypuffin

and dung.

This is why I love MN- it makes me laugh so often. :)

thank you all.

OP posts:

HaveAHappyNewJung · 05/01/2011 17:02

Wow what a thread.

I have total sympathy at being the New Younger Woman. My DH is 18yrs older and I was only 16 when we got together. His exW (they'd divorced long before we met, I was not an OW) tried to turn his family and friends against us. The ones who fell for it, well, DH just figured that if they couldn't understand our relationship, they weren't worth the bother.

We do occasionally have a snigger about the fact that exW delighted in telling everyone we'd only last 2 months... It's been 8 years now!

Anyway - well done for being so calm. You have given her NO ammunition.

I think I'd still want to make sure everyone knew what a cow she's been - but you do risk making yourself look crazy!

StuffingGoldBrass · 05/01/2011 17:05

Oh well done OP! That was absolutely the right thing to do. Fun as it might be to contemplate acting out some of the suggestions offered on here, actually doing anything, or even having a grand outraged showdown with her, would have made you look sulky and childish, whereas politely refusing to engage with the silly bitch leaves you looking like the dignified one.
I do agree that you and your DH should just drop this particular couple, though.

HaveAHappyNewJung · 05/01/2011 17:05

BTW I second the Saga Magazine subscription as a present... It is utterly useless, but on the surface it is a pleasant gift rather than being overtly horrible.

Plus, she will be reminded of it every time a new issue drops through the letterbox :o

monkeyflippers · 05/01/2011 17:08

Wow what a witch. I seems like it was a dig at your young age. So glad you didn't say yes!

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 05/01/2011 17:09

Speaking of Oxfam gifts, you could always buy her a cow

mumeeee · 05/01/2011 17:09

TANBU. Ju8st tell her you are unable to help her out

theevildead2 · 05/01/2011 17:10

Holy fucking hell. Your dh is unreasonable if he goes and continuues to be friends with anyone who treats you like shit.

MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 17:11

I have suggested to DH a few times before dropping them. I have cited examples like the not addressing me in christmas cards. This year, DH said 'see, she mentions you this time', but it actually said 'To you both', which was not really the same thing.

I am coming off some adrenalin now and feel a bit weepy and pathetic.

I am going to have a glass of wine and am going to not let it get to me.

The saga subscription is a nice one though!

OP posts:

weblette · 05/01/2011 17:13

Here you go and it's only a fiver

MorticiaAddams · 05/01/2011 17:13

I've never heard anything like it, she sounds like a right nasty piece of work.

Take the baby and make it throw up over her dress.

MsHighwater · 05/01/2011 17:14

The only way to deal with bad behaviour like this is to scrupulously avoid any bad behaviour on your own part. Now that you have dealt with the wedding invitation, I agree that this person is no friend of yours and should be dropped entirely. There is no value in continuing to make an effort to befriend someone who is determined to snub you but you would not endear yourself to any of your other mutual friends if you attack her publicly in any way.

MorticiaAddams · 05/01/2011 17:15

Do these friends come as an entire group or could you just see some of them socially and drop others like a ton of bricks.

MorticiaAddams · 05/01/2011 17:15

Or should that be under a ton of bricks!

Katisha · 05/01/2011 17:20

DH needs to really think what he gains from keeping that woman as a friend.

And whether its worth the insult and upset to his wife.

dinkystinky · 05/01/2011 17:21

I was aghast at the original post - MerryGhostMas, well done on being so dignified in declining her studied insult. I definitely agree that your DH needs to prune his fiends friends list to get rid of evil bats like that one. If she makes a similar suggestion again though, I'd accept and turn up with DD and aprons for all the guests to wear on the basis that everyone could then wait on the Bridezilla and her DH

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Mowiol · 05/01/2011 17:22

Poor you - sounds to me like years of this crap have taken their toll?
You were the better person - you rose above it and now cannot be accused of hysteria etc. What an awful woman she sounds.
Please tell your DH how bad it's made you feel.
I get that he maybe was a bit gobsmacked re: the waitressing thing but what a shame he didn't relay his displeasure to her at the time.
Be good to yourself tonight and rejoice in the fact that you are by far a nicer person. Pity her poor new husband - what's he like by the way (nosey!!)

ENormaSnob · 05/01/2011 17:28

I am disgusted that your dh has continued to have this woman in your lives.

curlymama · 05/01/2011 17:29

You did really well making that phonecall, and it sounds like you did it well. I think the fact that you made the phonecall rather than DH will piss her right off, and show her that you are not scared of her.

Then if she askes your Dh, he will back you up, and that should shut her nast little mouth right up.

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