To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

[MerryGhostMas]

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

[scurryfunge]

I would do the waitressing and then promptly drop the ratatouille in her lap.

[TandB]

Yes, she is having a massive dig. Inviting the children of other guests to waitress...and you. She is making a very nasty, pointless comment about the age difference. She should concentrate on her own wedding and butt out of your lives. And if I were you and my DH still chose to attend the wedding he would be sleeping in his car for the next year.

[WinkyWinkola]

What a witch. She is doing it to make you feel servile. Imagine what she'd be like to you if you agreed to it?

And your dh should grow a pair and say, "How dare you, you moose? And if you think I'm coming to your poncey wedding when you've not had the courtesy to invite my wife except as staff, then you've another think coming. Good day."

My word. Is this a joke, this op?

[tulpe]

FFS. I am speechless - absolutely cannot believe someone would treat another person this way. And if you are such a good friend that she could call on you for this favour, why are you not good enough to invite to the wedding? She is treating you like some "younger relative" of your DH, not his wife.

Be the bigger person though by returning her call and taking great delight in saying no. If she has an ounce of decency in her, she will know why.

Cheeky mare.

[MerryGhostMas]

Yes, she was and IS very close friends with the ex wife. Dh is a bit of an innocent, really. No, i meant Dh thought it might be a goodwill gesture if I said 'yes'.

Screw it. I have been fuming all day. When DH gets home from work i will sit him down and we will talk about this properly. i have been VERY accommodating of this woman in the past- hosted a bbq for her and her fiance last year for example.

Thanks. Yes, an almighty strop. Or maybe I could pull off a disdainful dismissal....

[OTheHugeManatee]

Actually, scurryfunge makes a good suggestion.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I tripped over the huge wedding dress train that shouldn't be in white anyway, should it, dear, and accidentally spilled a whole bottle of Rioja all over your dress. Oh well, a thick-skinned old bitch like you won't let that ruin your day, will you? I'm sure it'll come out with a bit of Cif."

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

agree totally with othehugemanatae

she is a cow!! i bet she had a right laugh thinking that up. i wonder if your DH's EXwife is going to be at the wedding, i suspect this is the woman's attempt at humiliating you by having you serve teh exwife.

YANBU

[Ormirian]

"I am surprised and delighted to find out I am now one of your 'friends'. However I will be unable to help out as I don't have childcare, neither to attend the wedding as a friend nor to act as unpaid waiting staff as a 'friend'"

[Lulumaam]

there is no justification for how she has blanked and ignored you and wants to now humiliate you

the fact your DH didn't laiugh and say noooooo right away is a bit troubling

[singingcat]

If she thinks you're just some bit of fluff because of your age, I would be so tempted to make some reference to her age/the menopause/face lifts/pelvic floors etc. Low, but don't give what you can't take...

[InspirationalBreadbin]

Tell her to eff off. Your DH should not go, either.

[TandB]

I would challenge her directly on it. Give her a call and say "Just wanting to clarify something. Why is it that you didn't invite me to the wedding but asked me to work in a menial role longside your friends' teenage children? Is it a lack of thought on your part, or did you intend me to take this as an indication of your opinion of me?"

[LoveBeingADaddysGirl]

What a cheeky fucking cow!

[MrsFeathersword]

So, you would likely be serving his ex-wife at this wedding, if she is a guest?

[TheCrackFox]

Tell her to go fuck herself.

Although, this has reminded me of the time a "friend" wondered if DH (he is a chef and I was a hotel manager) and I would like to do the catering for her wedding as a wedding present. We declined her invitation - cheeky cow. She wasn't even a good friend more of an aquaintance.

[Zondra]

Utter bitch!
I'm truly shocked for you!
Tell her to fuck off!
Btw-hope your dh has nothing more to do with her after this.

[AbsofCroissant]

I would go with kungfupanda's suggestion, and throw in a "or have you got dementia?" at the end, as a nod to her GREATLY ADVANCED AGE.

[storminabuttercup]

MrsFeathersword - i was just thinking the same thing!

[FanjolinaJolie]

I would tell her to fuck off or if you are more polite than me then ask her are you serious?

So so so rude what an awful woman.

[TandB]

Abs - don't you think that is a little too obtuse? Why not just say "Or are you really old?"

Mustn't be passive-agressive about it!

[katiestar]

She's not asking you because she expects you to do it.It's a deliberate put down

[smellmycheese]

I would be telling her to FUCK OFF, and also expecting my DH to do the same. IMO if he stays friends with this woman after she has treated you this way, he is making you look like a mug.

[starfishmummy]

YANBU!!

Why do you call this person a "friend" if they treat you like that??

[TheCrackFox]

I really don't think your DH should go to the wedding.