To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

[MerryGhostMas]

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

[thereistheball]

OP - how was the pub with DH? Would love to know how he feels about it all having digested it a bit. Would he be interested in reading this thread?

Have a wonderful time in Paris. Well done.

[olderandwider]

In case there is any chance the old bag missed the OP's phone message, may I suggest the following message is sent on crisp Basildon Bond written with a classy fountain pen:


Mr and Mrs MerryGhostmas regret that they will be unable to attend the wedding of Mr (groom's name) and Miss (old bag's name)owing to a prior engagement.


That's it. Nothing more needed.

Wedding present - WH Smith gift tokens are about as dull as it gets.

[NorwegianMoon]

id just turn up as a your dps date without telling her dressed in the most beautiful white wedding dress and then slap her.

or do the waitress thing and put laxatives in her drink. ha ha ha

im evil, i know.

[ajandjjmum]

What's quite interesting is that the problem seems to have arisen due to your DH's second marriage, and yet she's now entering her second marriage - doesn't that make her pretty two faced?

Glad it's sorted and in such a positive way.

[Needanewname]

I couldn't actually read the whole thread, I'm so outraged on your behalf.

WTF was your DH thinking even passing the message along and contemplating going to the wedding?

In fact why is he even friends with this woman when he can see she's not excepted you?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Numberfour]

Brilliant thread.


Have fun in Paris, OP.

[FindingStuffToChuckOut]

Mirro her behaviour & send a Christmas card to her DP telling him to tell her FU!!!

[OTheHugeManatee]

Aaah. The end of this thread has given me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling.

[WordOfTheDay]

Hear, hear - Bogeyface, well said.

[GreenButton]

Bogeyface well said

[Grumpla]

FOOD FIGHT !!!!!

[NotActuallyAMum]

Glad you've managed to talk about things, and even more glad that DH has agreed to back off her. I still think though that instead of stammering and saying he'd ask you his answer should have been "NO MY WIFE WILL NOT WAITRESS FOR YOU AND HOW DARE YOU ASK" but it seems he's realised that. Do make sure he drops it out to others that this was an insult too far though won't you?

I think you should tell us when and where this wedding is so we can turn up dressed as waitresses and all drop ratatouille on her lap

[Bogeyface]

I find it rather wonderful that this vile womans attempt to humiliate you has actually made your marriage stronger! Thats the ultimate revenge :)

[pippitysqueakity]

Have a lovely time away, whenever it is. Enjoy your family, do not give this person any more headspace. She obviously has very little in her life and thought this would be 'fun'. What you have done, and congrats to you, is take this negative experience, and turned it into a positive. You and DH will be stronger for it
Well done you!

[blinder]

I love it when a thread comes together .

[MerryGhostMas]

An update, and again a thank you for people being so kind and supportive! I had a long talk with DH about this last night. He agreed that the 'friendship' had really run its course, and also he does know that the insult this time is too big to ignore. It is hard to withdraw completely, but we will be polite but remote with this woman. We will say that we are in Paris to anyone who asks, and DH (not me, so I cannot be accused of saying anything negative about her - it has always been a policy when I have been snubbed to not say a word, so that I cannot be accused in turn of being a bitch)will quietly drop it into the ears of some other more sympathetic mutual friends that this is why. That this is an insult too big to ignore.

Part of the antagonism is that the divorce ended up being really acrimonious, and then Dh took up with me so quickly, and of course many people are cynical about age gap relationships, as Petsville knows too!

DH does know what an utter insult this is to us both. Once he has mulled things over and is angry then that is completely the end of things.

We have also agreed that it is not really fair on me to have so much of our social circle bound up with his friends, when there are a few who just barely tolerate me for reasons beyond my control. So, we will consciously foster other friendships too.

This may have been a bit of a turning point actually. I have been biting my tongue for quite some time on things.

Thank you for letting me rant on this board ! And for giving me fresh perspective of how outrageous it was!Thanks Abs too for the Paris hotel link- it looks very very beautiful, and exactly the sort of thing we like. :)

[SlightlyJaded]

Sorry should say best man will be 'pissed'

[SlightlyJaded]

But you will be sending a telegram from Paris to be read out at the wedding. Non?

Perhaps something along the lines of

Mrs Twat

Congratulations on your special day. STOP. DH and I are so pleased for you - just goes to show that you are never too old to find love. Inspiring! STOP.

Hope you managed to make the best of your budget situation. STOP. Sorry we couldn't staff your wedding and hope you didn't have to rope too many friends and family in to waiting tables! STOP

Enjoy your day and raise a glass of Prosecco on us. STOP. We will think of you all whilst drinking our champagne later. STOP

Best man will be d and bound to read it without thinking.

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

sorry petsville, meant to add, but very sane, but i feel this "friend" does not deserve any "loyalty" given this outrageous insult.

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

dear dear petsville that is rather boring...

glad you were dignified OP but agree DH needs to cut her out now. such insults cannot be forgiven. can you imagine what she could come up with next if he stays friends with her???

[outnumbered2to1]

sorry i've had to read the OP 3 times to make sure i understood it properly.
She is a friend of your DH from his previous marriage,
she has never acknowledged your presence in his life either as his girlfriend or wife or mother of his child
and now she is re-marrying she has invited HIM to the wedding and only him.
Then has the bare-faced cheek to call up and say "oh by the way could you possibly "volunteer" to waitress at the wedding you haven't been invited to?


Seriously? The phrase more cheek than an elephant and more neck than a giraffe spring to mind. Tell her to f@ck right off and tell DH he's not going.

[Lovecat]

Your DH really should have told her where to get off, and needs to let her know I'm no uncertain terms what a bitch she's been.

As a matter of interest I just read DH, another one given to mulling things over, the initial request and his immediate reaction was 'fuck off!', which for him is strong stuff!

[McHobbes]

I rather like the answer of whoever it was that said 'do it and drop the ratatouille in her lap'

Hehehe I like that thinking!

[oldraver]

OMG as far as I would be concerned if you are not good enough in her eyes to be invited then I certainly would not be waiting/serving on the cheeky mare

You DH needs a kick in the ass for even thinking of going without you

[QuintessentialShadows]

OP, does your husband not realize what a big insult this is to him?