Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

234 replies

MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 15:59

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 16:21

Thank you so much for making me laugh. I have been walking around in a fuzz of fury all day really. Humiliation, and anger, and wondering if everyone of 'our friends' is laughing at me behind my back. I know they are not.... some of them really like me, I think.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 05/01/2011 16:21

Ask if the local Derby and Joan club could host a discounted wedding for her?

curlymama · 05/01/2011 16:21

Lol @ scurry

TandB · 05/01/2011 16:22

Could we organise a MN bus-trip to the wedding? Is it a church wedding? As someone pointed out recently, it is entirely lawful for anyone who wants to go to a wedding ceremony to do so....

AbsofCroissant · 05/01/2011 16:22

Ooh, or if she wears white comment about how that is appropriate, as white is the colour for funerals in many cultures.

Bogeyface · 05/01/2011 16:22

Or go and start a whispering campaign by the quiches about what a shame it is that they wont have much of a honeymoon thanks to her "infection" and what a saint her OH is to still marry her considering how she got it Shock

Actually you could start that one anyway!

Oooh she picked the wrong lady to have a go at when you have the full force of MN bitchiness at your disposal!

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 05/01/2011 16:22

Oh, I love Abs's suggestion. Do all of that. Especially the saving for the funeral bit.

WkdSM · 05/01/2011 16:23

I wouldn't tell her to F off - she is probably hoping you will be rude so she has an excuse to continue being rude to you.

Write her a 'nice' card saying how sorry you are that she does not have the money to have the wedding she wants - especially as second time around it is so important to make sure it is right.
Also- how sad it must be to have to split couples up by inviting one and not the other - how embarrassing that must be for her and how you TOTALLY understand her predicament and how she must have agonised over it.
To save her money your DH won't attend but you will buy a bottle of champagne and both raise a glass to her and her new DH.

IE - up yours madam!

verytellytubby · 05/01/2011 16:23

I'd tell her to fuck off.

MincePiesForTea · 05/01/2011 16:23

Of course YANBU and really your DH is not going to go, is he? After this?

narkypuffin · 05/01/2011 16:23

It's not worth throwing a strop at her about. She's obviously a bitch and she's done this to get a reaction and stir.

Your DH needs to cut ties with her. Not inviting his wife and then asking her to waitress with the teenage children of friends? I know my DH can be a bit oblivious at times, but that is such a calculated, blatant insult.

You are his wife and the mother of his child. If this 'friend' sees fit to hate you, even though you had nothing to do with his divorce, that is her perogative. He really needs to treat you with respect, and part of that is ensuring that he doesn't tolerate his 'friends' treating you with disrespect.

oohlalaaaa · 05/01/2011 16:24

I am not usually one for airing dirty laundry over facebook, however this cheeky bint is just screaming for goml's fabulous passive aggressive letter to be posted on her wall. (If you are friends with her?) Thus showing all her friends what a total bitch she is. Grin

ChilledChick2 · 05/01/2011 16:26

OK, so she would like you to work for HER benefit volunteer at her wedding, even though she literally snubs you and acknowledges your DHHmm.

You could tell her that you won't be going as she can't expect you to help out when she blatantly ignored you all this time.

Original poster
MerryGhostMas · 05/01/2011 16:26

You see, the thing I have never understood either is why she (and some others) is so wierd about me. People get married, get divorced, re-marry. It HAPPENS. (It is happening with her now!)

I kind of wonder when some of their friends will get over it. Dh and his ex were a bad match, they both moved on. [shrug]

You are all making me feel stronger. I just might call and decline now. I will do it 'nicely' though, no matter what I really want to say. i do not want her to see I am rattled. (thinking out loud).

OP posts:
PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 05/01/2011 16:26

Actually, I think you should send a written reply along the lines of "Thanks, we'ld love to come." and turn up as guests, with baby. All three of you togged up nicely so itsobvious you're all attending as guests. And if there's any attempt at making you waitress simply respond "Why would I/Mrs GhostMas do that? I'm/She's a guest." And if there's any query as to why you are there, "I''m/She's his/my wife. As we are married we assume that the invitation includes both of us."

But yes, she is being utterly unimaginably rude. YANB at all U to be furious.

Bogeyface · 05/01/2011 16:27

Send her this and say that you think it would suit her wedding down to the ground!

Age Concern Bus Wedding

brabbinsandfyffe · 05/01/2011 16:27

Agree with WkdSM that she's prob hoping you'll be rude so she can keep having a go. I think you need to deal with it with dignity, espec if you think others are 'watching', and espec as she's perhaps hoping to be able to say 'oh well, it was only a joke, she's too young/immature/whatever to handle her temper' or something.

I like the card idea too. She is a total cheeky bitch though, and I bet many of your mutual friends are actually thinking how out of order she is and hoping to see you rise above. Hope DH doesn't go.

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 05/01/2011 16:28

Dear Twatface

As you are having financial difficulties at the moment, we felt it only fair that Mr MerryGhost will forgo his opportunity to celebrate your second wedding with you. This should enable you to afford a professional waitress, so you won't be requiring the skills of Mrs MerryGhost.

If you have any future offers of employment, please note that Mrs MerryGhost will not work for less than £30 per hour, and will require child care to be paid for and arranged by the employer.

Yours 'truly'

The MerryGhsots

curlymama · 05/01/2011 16:28

I like kungfu's idea! We could all turn up en masse wearing our own wedding dresses!

Or, you could take the invitation, and call the venue two days before the wedding and cancel the reception. Or the band or something else she has planned if you could find out the details.

TheCrackFox · 05/01/2011 16:28

Bogeyface - arf. Grin

Bogeyface · 05/01/2011 16:30

Dont ring her! Dont contact her AT ALL.
The best way to deal with childish crap like this is to ignore it. IGNORE IT!!!!

AbsofCroissant · 05/01/2011 16:31

Or, before the wedding arrange a party, just invite her, and then ask if, BTW, does her fiance mind "volunteering" as a waiter for the evening, as you'd like to save some money

MardyBra · 05/01/2011 16:32

OMG.

OP - you seem really nice and full marks to you for considering a measured response. I agree she is probably trying to provoke a reaction. Although it is would be so tempting you will have the higher moral ground by politely declining.

warthog · 05/01/2011 16:35

i can't believe anyone would have the gall to do this.

i wonder if it's her way of getting your dh to refuse the invitation.

expatinscotland · 05/01/2011 16:35

She has such a load of cheek that if I were your DH, I'd cut her off.

In fact, I'd have cut her off for not acknowledging my spouse, and anyone else who didn't.

But I've been told I have more balls than a lot of men.

You shouldn't have to ask him not to attend, IMO.

YANBU.

Swipe left for the next trending thread