To not help a 'friend' out for her wedding.

[MerryGhostMas]

Okay, i am SURe I am NBU- it is a WWYD really. (I have namechanged.... )

Been with Dh 7 years, He is alot older than me, and met and married me within a year of divorcing his former wife. Alot of 'our' friends were their friends, and many of the women have been a bit funny about me - me being so much younger etc. (25 years, give or take.) I was not the 'other woman'.... the ex actually had an affair. Anyway, that is by the by....

One particular friend has always been funny. Refuses to acknowledge me. Sends Xmas cards to Dh only, that sort of thing. She is getting married this year- second marriage. She sent an invitation to DH only. That annoyed us, as you can imagine! But, a few days later she rang Dh and asked if i would be willing to be a waitress on the night, as they were a bit stretched finances wise, and if they got 'friends' to volunteer, then the costs of the buffet were reduced. Dh stammered and said that he would ask me.

Um, NO. NO NO NO. Obviously not. we have a baby, and it would cost me money to go and 'work' as a volunteer, and get a sitter if DH was going to the wedding. Dh says it might be a goodwill gesture (he is not saying it seriously actually... ) but really. WIBU to say fuck you and the horse you rode in on? Should I just decline? Should i throw an almighty strop?

I am fucked off, actually.

Actually, no, this is more a rant. I think I SHALL say fuck you.......

[welshbyrd]

Tell her to get fooked, cheeky cow
Im both angry and laughing at this post, cheeky but almost silly request

[Bogeyface]

I would ignore the request and ask DH to do the same, then when she calls say that it was such an outrageous thing to ask that you assumed it was a joke!

Oh and make it clear that if DH goes to wedding he will be sleeping the shed til doomsday.

What a FUUUHHHHHUCKING bitch!

I hope she gets her skirt tucked in her knickers before she walks down the aisle!

[ChaoticAngelofAnarchy]

I agree with Lulumaam. Your dh should have pulled her up on the way she treats you ages ago. By not doing so he's sending the message that it's okay to treat his wife in such a manner. Quite frankly if he attends the wedding after this he is out of order.

[LoveBeingADaddysGirl]

Mrsf that's probably the plan!

[MerryGhostMas]

Winky no, I am afraid not a joke. At least not on my part. i do feel utterly humiliated actually. I have always been pleasant, nice to her. If i see her about I smile and say 'hi' she sometimes replies, sometimes not. She was perfectly willing to come and accept my (our) hospitality this year. Although she was a little remote. Dh said we had to try and make an effort there.

No, Dh was I think astonished. He is the kind where he will mull things over for a day or so before he makes a decision or explodes.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Write her a letter:

Dear Wankstain,

I am very sorry that you are having financial problems which mean that you are having to beg favours from your friends wives and children. This must have been very humiliating to ask this, and to know that all ypur friends are quite worried about your financial position.

My advice would be to postpone your wedding for a year, then get a job and save up a bit on order to pay for professional catering staff for your big day. This will ensure that your big day will be a lot more enjoyable for everyone all round.

Again please accept my symapthies and good wishes for you in such straightened times.

Lots of love (and LOADS of passive aggressive )

xxxx

[TandB]

Ah, a deep-thinking OH. [nods sagely]. I have one of those. It's really annoying sometimes. There are times when you just want them to get on with the exploding bit.

[ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar]

I'd do it. But I'd wear a long white dress and a tiara. And I'd casually mention to the other guests that you met the bride when you were both working in Amsterdam, entertaining stag parties with ping pong balls. But I am a mischievious cow like that.

[singingcat]

nice one GOML

maybe add 'And of course, I imagine you'll be saving up for a hip replacement in the near future so will need the cash.'

[TattyDevine]

I would just offer your condolences for her "unfortunate financial situation" and tell her you hope things improve for her soon, but that you are unable to help out. Then say, "but dont worry, I'm sure it will be a lovely wedding despite your unfortunate situation"

[TandB]

Ooh! OOH! [jumps up and down] I have an idea!

Go to the wedding and take advantage of the "Does anyone here know of any lawful impediment" bit to get it all off your chest.

Or just stand up and fart - that would get the message across too.

[KaraStarbuckThrace]

My jaw has just hit my desk!

I cannot believe the nerve of this woman!

Not only should you tell her to fuck the fuck off, your DH should do the same!

And send her a big steaming cow pat as a wedding present - just don't put any postage on it

[MerryGhostMas]

I like that Getorf!

Actually, I was thinking about calling her now (while I know she is at work and thus getting her machine) and saying 'Thank you, sorry, I will not be able to get a sitter that day. have a lovely day' (wimp emoticon).

Then telling DH it is a fait accompli, and that is that.

No, I think it VERY unlikely he will be going to the wedding now.

[Aims80]

Good grief!! Lord knows how some people think this sort of thing is acceptable! I'd have very strong words for someone who did this (how rude!!).

If I was your husband I'd not be going to that woman's wedding and I'd seriously consider whether I wanted to know her at all! Is she a "best friend" of the ex or something?

[ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo]

agree with GOML.

[PlumBumandBaublesMum]

OMG She is a cheeky old cow,

I would send a regret we are unable to make it to your wedding card
and say no more as you will only give her something to gossip about to his ex

Like others have said I would be very disappointed if your dh is even considering going

[Scaredycat3000]

She is a total bitch.
Your husband should have already cut all contact with her. She has no respect for your husband or you.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Actually on a serious note i agree with Lulu - your DH should not let you be treated in such a manner.

he should pull her up on her staggering rudeness, in putting you in the same category as her friends teenage children.

[olderandwider]

Of course this is an insult to you, and not even a veiled one.

I would circulate her details to as many silver service and hospitality companies as possible so she is inundated with quotes for supplying staff. Yellow pages is a good place to start...you couldn't possibly be evil enough to pass on her email address to these companies, could you?

[StuffingGoldBrass]

This is probably the most outrageous calculated insult I have ever heard of outside the pages of a chicklit novel.
Mind you, I would rather imagine that your H, if he's as nice as you deserve him to be, will either tell this woman exactly what he thinks of her or (unfortunately more likely) will simply drop her as a friend without any big confrontations because he's not prepared to put up with her behaviour towards you.
If he does say anything along the lines of 'making a goodwill gesture' towards her, you can remind him that you tried that with the BBQ and this is what you got in response.

[TheCrackFox]

GOML

Perhaps add that now she is looking retirement in the eyes you can appreciate why she feels the need to save cash.

[scurryfunge]

Direct her to this site to help with the money matters.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

There is no way i would be happy in letting my husband go to a wedding of someone who was so blatanlty rude to me.

Neither of you go, and send them some Iceland Big Posh prawns as a contribution to their 'buffet'

[curlymama]

Cheeky Bitch!!

If your DH can't quite see what a direct insult this is, show him this thread.

He needs to write a short note declining his wedding invitation. Something like

Dear xx and Xx

'With regret, I will be unable to accept your wedding invitation. I'm sure you will understand that I would of course be unable to attend any function as a guest whilst my beautiful wife has been asked to work. The idea is insulting to both of us.
I wish you all the best for your wedding and your future marriage.'

He cannot allow you to be treated this way, you are his wife!

[AbsofCroissant]

I like all of these suggestions. Go for ALL of them, so passive aggressive letter, wearing white to the wedding (and throwing in a comment about how it's "more appropriate on me than on you"), "trip" and spill red wine all over her dress and disrupt the ceremony with farting and loud, outrageous laughing. And when told to shush just go "but come on, she can't be serious? She should be putting this money towards her funeral instead. Am I right?"