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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that DH told me infront of inlaws to go back to work?

510 replies

kanchan · 04/01/2011 11:36

Spent New Years with inlaws.....conversation turned to work and DH started going on about how I should get back to work now the kids are all at school. I stated the obvious.....kids are all under 9, who would take/pick up from school, what about when they're ill and also I don't want the stress of it all now. He suggested I could do some work from home seeing as I must have so much free time on my hands....anyone else feel so unappreciated?

OP posts:
mutznutz · 04/01/2011 11:38

It's obviously something you two need to discuss in private...so no he shouldn't have said it in front of anyone else.

SheWillBeLoved · 04/01/2011 11:40

Well he does have a point to be fair to him. Is there nothing you could do from home in school hours? He shouldn't have brought it up in front of the in laws though, it's a discussion that doesn't need an audience.

finallyfree · 04/01/2011 11:41

my kids both at secondary and i dont work. if u need 2 go back 2 work how about evening shift while DH looks after kids? Think it was insensitive of him to talk about it that way. It should have been a private convo between the 2 of u imho x

TubbyDuffs · 04/01/2011 11:42

Totally out of order mentioning something personal like that in front of his parents.

However, you could get a part time job that could fit in with school hours, its not impossible.

Obviously, you will have to make your husband promise to be the one who takes time off if one of the children is unwell!

coldtits · 04/01/2011 11:43

I think he has the right to ask you to go back to work. He should have done this privately, but seriously, you don't want to go to work because they're under nine???? he has a bloody point!

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/01/2011 11:44

I agree he shouldn't have brought this up in front of the in-laws. It is something you need to discuss in private. How many DCs have you got and how old? He may well have no idea of the implications of you going back to work.

I've been a SAHM for 10 years and it is something I feel sensitive about - not contributing financially, lack of power etc, BUT that message has never come from my DH because he appreciates the different roles we both play.

altinkum · 04/01/2011 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaquiChanWillSparkle · 04/01/2011 11:45

YANBU, private matter to be discussed between yourselves.

Original poster
kanchan · 04/01/2011 11:45

yes, it should have been a private conversation.......but what really does bother me is that he thinks I sit and have coffee all day.......maybe I should go back to work just so he has to do his share of running a house and then he'll see how hard it actually is.

OP posts:
Original poster
kanchan · 04/01/2011 11:45

yes, it should have been a private conversation I can't forgive that, what an idiot!.......but what really does bother me is that he thinks I sit and have coffee all day.......maybe I should go back to work just so he has to do his share of running a house and then he'll see how hard it actually is.

OP posts:
classydiva · 04/01/2011 11:45

TBF you could fit in work from 10 till 2, however that would not work during the holidays, unless of course you got a job in a school.

classydiva · 04/01/2011 11:45

Sorry dear but it does not take six hours whilst the kids are at school to do housework.

You have enough time to watch daytime tv in abundance.

moondog · 04/01/2011 11:46

Oh come off it. Running a house isn't rocket science.
It was insensitive of hime to raise it in front of ILs but not unreasonable to expect you to contribute to family coffers if kids otherwise occupied 6 hours a day.

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/01/2011 11:46

oh dear, knives sharpened again classy diva?

altinkum · 04/01/2011 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 04/01/2011 11:47

am intrigued as to where all these part time jobs that fit in with school hours are. Hmm

I think it is a valid point about going back to work now the kids are at school, however I also think that this is something that should be discussed between the two of you.

I also think that it is nearly impossible to find a job that fits in with school hours so I do also see your point.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 04/01/2011 11:48

I don't want to go back to work when my Lo is 6 months old in a month, but I have to, for financial reasons and also because the thought of living off DH forever more makes me feel like a stepford wife!
Yanbu to not want the in laws in on private matters, yabu to not want to work as a team on all fronts

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 11:49

Running a house is not difficult...especially when the kids are at school. Try working full time and running a house with pre-school kids...that's difficult Smile

iloveyankees · 04/01/2011 11:49

LOL reminds me of my OH, apparently I sit on my arse all day but then the fairies do all the washing, gardening, ironing, cleaning, shopping etc Hmm

plus you have to think about the school holidays :)

JamieLeeCurtis · 04/01/2011 11:50

mutznutz - I agree, but does your DP/DH not take an equal share?

Original poster
kanchan · 04/01/2011 11:50

classy diva...no not rocket science....but I have worked full time when we only had i child and it is exhausting juggling work and home. But it is equally exhausting being at home too, don't tell me it's easy because it's not. We have 4 kids and no help or family living nearby

OP posts:
wannaBe · 04/01/2011 11:51

running the house isn't rocket science.

Let's not pretend that you clean for six hours a day every day...

There I am sitting on my arse right at this very moment mn'ing while my ds is at school. Grin

I am in a position where I want to go back to work but can't find a job that fits in with school hours.

gingernutlover · 04/01/2011 11:52

YANBU to be annoyed he brought this up infront of your inlaws.

YABU to think you can't go out and get a job. Running a house does not take all week, and there are childminders etc. Having said that, has he considered that you would have to earn quite a resonable amount to pay for the childcare before and after school and in the holidays?

I teach 3 days a week and pay my childminder £60 a week (was £550 a month before she started school!), if I had more than one child it would be much less financially viable.

Also, it is worth bearing in mind what happens when the children are ill or the school phone if they hurt themselves, is he willing to take responsibility for taking time off work 50% of the time?

Best thing might be a weekend/evening job. Or working from home could work too, have you considered avon/tupperware/that kind of thing? Or maybe even becoming a registered childminder or doing some babysitting through an agency?

GetOrfMoiLand · 04/01/2011 11:53

I agree with coldtits and moondog - it was utterly insensitive and out of otrder of him to say this in front of in laws, but he has a very good point.

It is not hard to run a house fgs, many people manage it where both work FT. It is easier when you are at work, there is nobody in the house to make a mess all day for a start.

Yes it is difficutlt sometimes to get a job around school hours, however you can utilise breakfast and after school clubs if your school provides the. If you find it difficuly perhaps you could look for a twighlight hours job so you don't have chikdcare problems.

But yes, if he is sick of the financial burden resting solely on his shoulders, you should look for a job.

Litchick · 04/01/2011 11:55

Unforgivable that he brought it up in company, particularly his Mother!!!!!!!

However, has been trying to hint beforehand?

Perhaps he's feeling a lot of pressure being the sole breadwinner. I know I would hate that.
Even if I accepted wholeheartedly that DH was doing his absulte best with the children, I would still find being the sole breadwinner intolerable.

And the current ecomoic climate it making everyone itchy, no?

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