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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mum not going to my brothers wedding

155 replies

scruffybird · 29/12/2010 14:11

Is my mum being unresonable to not go to my brothers wedding?
Ok background info, my brother has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who since he was very young has spent most weekends at my parents house with my brother seeing him for a few hours over the weekend.
My brothers current partner wants nothing to do with my nephew and tries to make it as difficult as possible for my brother to see his son. They have two boys together both under 2 and are hoping to get married next year. My mum asked if his older son would be invited and my brother went quiet, to which my mum replied "If he isn't invited then I will not be there".
Also I am then torn because do not want my brother to have no close family there but also don't think its right to not invite his son.

OP posts:
whatdoiknowanyway · 29/12/2010 14:14

Your mum is definitely not being unreasonable.
I wouldn't go. Your poor nephew.

borderslass · 29/12/2010 14:14

No she's NBU anyone who puts a new partner before their children isn't worth it, a parent and child is a package.

arentfanny · 29/12/2010 14:15

YOur mother is definitey NBU.

sue52 · 29/12/2010 14:16

I can't imagine a father excluding his own son from his wedding. I think your mother is entirely justified.

SkyBluePearl · 29/12/2010 14:16

the nephew really should be at the wedding - why is your brother not standing up for his son?

sybiltherednosedreindeer · 29/12/2010 14:16

Personally I think your brother is behaving appallingly. Thank god your nephew has your mum to love him.

Needanewname · 29/12/2010 14:18

I think your bothers wife to be sounds horrendous, your mum is doing the right thing, good job your nephew has someone to support him seeing as his own father doesn't

BitOfFun · 29/12/2010 14:18

Your brother is behaving like a spineless twat. I don't think you should go either.

usualsuspect · 29/12/2010 14:19

Your mother shouldn't go and neither should you

Original poster
scruffybird · 29/12/2010 14:20

My brother wants him to be there but his partner does not.
She regularly phones him when he is with his son threatening to leave him etc.
I don't think she was like this when they first got together and has got worse now that they have two small children together and now expects my brother to spend any time he is not working with them.
Don't live near them so I get told all this from my mum.

OP posts:
flippinggorgeous · 29/12/2010 14:20

Your brother is a terrible father and his new partner seems a right cow. Why don't you and your mum take his son to Disneyland on the day of the wedding? Poor kid, thank goodness he has you and your mum.

overweightnoverdrawn · 29/12/2010 14:20

I think you should not go to the wedding if his son is not invited. I think he is marrying bridezilla its as if shw wants his first child to dissapear and to have never existed . Hope to god bridezillas kids are nerver in this situation .

lorelilee · 29/12/2010 14:21

I'm with your mum on this one. What kind of 'man' would give up his son for anyone?

APixieInMyMulledWine · 29/12/2010 14:21

YANBU and neither is your mum.

How awful for your nephew.

I have a 9yr old Dss and 2 of my own with dp and I would never dream of leaving him out of something as important as our wedding.

He is family, he was part of the family before i came into the picture and that is where he'll always be.

Your brothers girlfriend sounds lovely Hmm

compo · 29/12/2010 14:21

That is really shocking
your brother and current partner sound horrendous
your poor nephew Sad
how can someone just abandon there own child like that
I wouldn't go to the wedding yourself let alone your poor mum
your brother is an arse

ChaoticAngel · 29/12/2010 14:21

If anyone is being unreasonable it's your brother's current partner Angry

I don't think I would make a good stepmother so I made the decision not to get involved with a man with children. If your db's g/f didn't want to become a stepmother then she shouldn't have got involved with your db. I also think your db is being unreasonable in not standing up to his g/f and insisting that his ds is part of the family.

So, no, I don't think your dm is being unreasonable in not going to the wedding, someone has to stand up for that poor little boy Sad

Btw, I know you feel torn but I don't think you would be unreasonable not to go because your db is an adult while his son is a child but, equally, I wouldn't judge you if you decide to go either.

nickelbabyjesus · 29/12/2010 14:21

I can't believe his new partner would stop him seeing his own son. Confused

i can't understand why any parent would do that to a child?

and no, your mum is not being unreasonable.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 29/12/2010 14:22

No, your mother is not unreasonable.
You should not go either.

If I were you, I would tell your brother in no uncertain terms that if his son is not welcome in his life, then you wont be in his life either.

clairefromsteps · 29/12/2010 14:23

I read the title to this post and tried to think of what possible situation could keep me away from my own son's wedding. Then I read your post and realised your mum is NBU. In fact, I think the question should be not so much 'Is my mum being unreasonable?' as 'Why is my brother being such a complete bell end?'

Poor you - rotten situation to be in, torn like that. Hope it all resolves itself.

sue52 · 29/12/2010 14:23

How can she behave like that to a child? I would stay away from your brothers wedding as well if I were you. He sounds useless.

Lulumaam · 29/12/2010 14:24

so, the new partner, who he is getting married to, wants nothing to do with his son, to the point of excluding him from the wedding? and what does your borther think will happen after the wedding? that she'll learn to love his son.. or she'll carry on excluding him to the point your brother has to choose.. and he sounds like he would choose her.

vile behaviour from both of them.. that he would marry a woman who would deny his son

your brother needs to man up and put his son first

your mother is doing absolutely the right thing and taking a stand, i hope it forces your brother to look at his actions and her behaviour

PinkElephantsOnParade · 29/12/2010 14:24

Poor kid. Glad he has your mum to stick up for him, your brother sounds an awful dad.

My DSIS had a tantrum just before her wedding and banned me from her wedding. I was 16 so not a kid like your poor nephew.
My mum told her that if I was banned then she would not go. And she meant it. DSIS backed down.

Parents should stick up for their DCs. Personally, I think that your DB is betraying his DS by even marrying this poisonous woman, but banning him from the wedding is unforgivable.

compo · 29/12/2010 14:24

I'd ring brothers girlfriend and tell her she's a bitch

SugarMousePink · 29/12/2010 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taintedsnow · 29/12/2010 14:26

Your brother honestly sounds like an ineffective and spineless moron who is incapable of being a decent father. His DP sounds like a jealous, childish, brainless twat. What a dumbass pairing they make.

Your DM is entirely reasonable in taking a stand and if I were you, I'd be standing right next to her. If your brother wants a close family member there with him, the first one in mind should be his DS.

What a horrible situation though. Harsh as my comment is, I do feel very sorry for you and your DM.

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