mum not going to my brothers wedding

[scruffybird]

Is my mum being unresonable to not go to my brothers wedding?
Ok background info, my brother has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who since he was very young has spent most weekends at my parents house with my brother seeing him for a few hours over the weekend.
My brothers current partner wants nothing to do with my nephew and tries to make it as difficult as possible for my brother to see his son. They have two boys together both under 2 and are hoping to get married next year. My mum asked if his older son would be invited and my brother went quiet, to which my mum replied "If he isn't invited then I will not be there".
Also I am then torn because do not want my brother to have no close family there but also don't think its right to not invite his son.

[YeahBut]

Your mum is sooooooo NBU. How wonderful that your DN has one person who will stand up to your D(!)B and SIL.

[earwicga]

How awful. Your mum is NBU, but she has three grandchildren and you have 3 nephews. The oldest of who is being badly treated. Do you or your mother have any relationship with the two younger children of your brother? I have no idea how I would decide what to do in this situation.

[ChippingIn]

Your brother needs to get a spine not a wife.

How can you even consider going to the wedding?

Your brother is a disgrace and if he was my brother I'd be reading him the riot act.

He should tell her it is over, apply for shared parental responsibility, get CSA sorted and be a DAD to ALL of his boys!! he needs to grow the fuck up.

[onmyfeet]

I agree with everyone! Your mother is not being unreasonable, and your brother is a horrible father. Shocking he hasn't been to his fathers house, has he met his half siblings?

[Pancakeflipper]

I like the sound of your mother.

Can you say to your brother " has mother got the wrong of the stick? She says your son isn't invited to the wedding. That's sheer nonsense isn't it?"

If he says he's not invited, inform them no need to invite you either.

It's doomed this marriage. Save yourself the cost of an outfit and present.

[TyraG]

sorry CheerfulYank I was in a colourful mood yesterday.

[MadameCastafiore]

God your future sister in law sounds like my stepmonster - I still visualise her starting to choke to death on the blood from the stomach cancer that she hasn't realised is growing and has ruptured in her stomach!

Can;t believe you even had to ask if your mother was BU! She sounds like an absolute stella woman.

[gorionine]

I am in total ageement with your Mum! I would not go either.

You mention earlier that your brother wants his son to be there? He has got to put his foot down then! What sort of mother (I understand your SIL is the mother of two boys herself) would think it is OK to to ask her DH to forget he has got a son. If I was your brother this would worry me a lot as if things went wrong with her, she would probaby think it is OK to cut him off his other sons too. very strange attitude she is having, and very worying. Human selfishness knows no limits!

[JeezyPeeps]

Your brother needs to grow a pair and tell his 'partner' (more like boss!) that he will be seeing his son and if she doesn't like it she can do one!

[Ormirian]

Moths? Moths? I hope your mother eats her dress

[monkeyflippers]

what obscentities? what you talking about?

[ChaoticAngel]

The obscenity is the bitch aka as the gf

[StayingFatherChristmasGirl]

I'm sorry, but it is your brother too - for allowing his girlfriend to do this. He should have put his foot down and said No, the very first time she tried to exclude his son. He has put her and their children way ahead of his own son, and that is worse than what she is doing, imo.

[lochnessmumster]

If anyone ever deserved to be called a bitch, the bride to be does!
Altinkum- cover your eyes my lovely or prepare to be disgusted!
Any woman who would try and keep a father from his child is a giant great fucking cunt!
And any man that even considers marrying such a vile excuse for a human being is an even bigger giant great fucking cunt!

[lochnessmumster]

I should apologise to the OP for calling your brother a giant great fucking cunt, perhaps he's more of a giant great fucking numpty.

[TandB]

I think Altinkum was probably referring to one particular post which did make me go a bit

OP - your mum is doing the right thing. It would be great if you felt able to make a stand with her and, ideally, ask all other members of the family to consider doing the same.

I suspect we may be having a slightly watered-down version of this issue in our family in the not-too distant future, ie step-children likely to be excluded from a wedding. I am not sure how we will deal with it yet but my gut instinct is not to go.

[lochnessmumster]

'm curios, which post made you go a bit ?

[lochnessmumster]

Sorry, the spelling on that last post is why I shouldn't watch tele, drink vino and type at the same time!

[bumpsoon]

Why does your brothers son stay at your mums at weekends ? has he always done this ,or did it only start when your brothers new partner had a baby ? Was there animosity between the new partner and your mum from the beginning ? Whilst i cannot condone what is apparently happening , perhaps your brother really is that much of a useless father , cant be bothered with number one son on a weekend , perhaps doesnt bother too much with the other two and his current partner is riled and needs help with their small children ,who she looks after all week , surely your brother should take his two chgildren to your mums when he visits his son , that way they get time together ,partner gets a break and your mum gets time with them all too . Or perhaps curent partner really is a complete cow .

[SnowyGonzalez]

Scruffy, what is wrong with your brother? Why is he planning to marry someone so horribly controlling? Why is he allowing her to dictate to him like that? This is not what I would call a relationship! I'm guessing that your mother doesn't want him marrying her. I would tear my hair out if one of my kids settled down with someone so awful.

I think your brother must have a very low opinion of himself if he thinks she's the best he can do and that he has to kow-tow to such appalling demands. I feel sorry for ALL three children, being so closely connected to such an awful woman.

[sincitylover]

Unfortunately I think this type of situation is more common than we think. I have experienced various permutations of it at least three/four times with people I know.

And it causes untold hurt and damage to the original dc (s)

What I can't get my head around is how the new w/p can do this and live with themselves. I have absolutely zero respect for a woman that can do this.

Is it insecurity on their part? Jealousy of their partners previous life.

It really beats - I just can't comprehend it.

[CheerfulYank]

I don't feel sorry for the brother at all in this situation. It is his child , and he is damaging him God knows how much by allowing this to happen. The kid is 9, he knows what's going on, and how would it feel to know that your dad is allowing some crazy woman to say he can't see you?

If the B is worried he won't be able to see his younger DC if he breaks it off, take it to the courts.

This makes me want to sell a kidney, buy a plane ticket to the UK, find the OP's brother, and slap him in the ear.