mum not going to my brothers wedding

[scruffybird]

Is my mum being unresonable to not go to my brothers wedding?
Ok background info, my brother has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who since he was very young has spent most weekends at my parents house with my brother seeing him for a few hours over the weekend.
My brothers current partner wants nothing to do with my nephew and tries to make it as difficult as possible for my brother to see his son. They have two boys together both under 2 and are hoping to get married next year. My mum asked if his older son would be invited and my brother went quiet, to which my mum replied "If he isn't invited then I will not be there".
Also I am then torn because do not want my brother to have no close family there but also don't think its right to not invite his son.

Yeah, i'm with your mum too. Bless your nephew, he hasn't done anything wrong. why shouldn't he be invited to his dad's wedding. If i was your mum i would be outraged. If i was you i would be too.

Good for your mum. And I would say that not only should you not go either, but you must make sure you tell everyone why you're not going. You know, just in case they were going to play the wounded party...

Not only is your mum right to not go, I don't think you should either.

Your brother is terrible father for giving into such emotional blackmail and his gf is a bitch to do that to a little boy :(

I'm a stepmum myself to a 9yo boy, and I would never ever even think about stopping DH from seeing him - as far as I am concerned he is part of our family as much as our 3yo ds. In fact dss was a (very cute!) page boy at our wedding!!

your mother is NBU

your brother is BU

I'd only go if I could make a wedding speech

LOL @ kangeroo - maybe we could all help write it

I know of a family in a very similar situation. The son from the first relationship wasn't invited to the dad's wedding with his new partner. He's never taken on holidays with the new family either. Its heartbreaking.

If I were you, OP, I would not go to the wedding. You nephew will always appreciate that you stood up for him and maybe your brother will wake up when he realises none of his family support him.

I can't believe you've even considered that your mother may be being unreasonable

Thank God your nephew has your mother. She is to be applauded. As for your brother. He should grow a fucking pair.

OP - your brother is a disgrace and your Mum is an absolute star by the sounds of things. No-one on your side of the family should attend the wedding if your poor nephew isn't made welcome.

Mole1 - that's awful, no wonder he's an ex!

Are you impugning my motives, KST??

Nothing so unkind, just a warm welcome to her to OP's brother's and Op's nephew's family and go on a -lot-- a bit about what a special little boy he is and how lucky she is.

His absence might be remarked upon by guest of course [passive aggressive teeth all showing ]

But barring my fantasy revenge speech, no I don't think I could bring myself to attend. My reasons for not attending would be known.

Your mum is not being unreasonable. She is protecting your poor nephew from his wicked father. Your brother clearly doesn't understand that his DS is more important that his new partner and he has now had children with this new partner and tied himself to this horrible new partner forever.

Sounds horrible, I agree with the poster who suggested your mum could take your nephew to Disneyland on the day of the wedding.

Good grief.

Please say you won't be going?

What a pair of twats. Poor little boy.

You mum needs to be told what a brave and wonderful woman she is. Maybe show her our responses.

Can we any of us imagine how it would be if on a 2nd marriage our DF was to tell us that our child from the 1st marriage was not to come to the wedding?

All of us would see that bloody great big red flag for what it is and tell DF to sling it.

There is no difference here, this bloke is letting his flesh and blood, his first born son down. Again and again and again.

I'd be talking to the entire family and instigating a boycott, that if his DS is not attending that not one member of the family will have anything to do with either of them.

Also as this deadbeats parents, I'd be straight round to the pair of them and read the pair of them the riot act.

They don't have the right to deny a boy his father.

This brother needs telling to find his balls and tell her that his son is non-negotiable and if she doesn't like it she can piss off.

My Dad's wife kicked up a fuss whenever he wanted to see us, we were 16 and 14. I don't think that much of him tbh.

LOVING the Disneyland idea!

Your mum is a legend OP.

I'm with your mum too, I think it's bloody disgusting he is choosing that cow over his son. I wouldn't even think about walking down the isle with someone who said my kids couldn't come

poor kid and I hope you will support your mum and nephew too by not going. I certainly wouldn't. Your brother is an A-hole, sorry

Your mum is right!

Are other family members going?

I'd be sorely tempted to at least tell everyone else why you and your mum arent going.

And it may seem trivial but is your mum getting them a gift or money? Because I think it's quite important not to. I'll bet bridezilla new wife will be thinking "oh well even if they don't turn up theyll still give us Stuff..."

It's awful seeing couples like this. My friend is going through similar (though thankfully no kids involved) with her brother, who is marrying a total cow who has ostracised him from his family :(

you should be really proud of your mum op,what a strong and fabulous lady she is,a real role model to us all.I wouldnt go if i was you and yes let them know why.How can grown ups be so fing jealous of a child from a previous relationship,cos that is what it boils down to.Has anyone spoken to them both about their reasons,the little boy should be best mn or an usher,what a shame,makes me feel so sad for him.

text fan my exs new dp was very young too,she has recently been having regular contact with dd8 as she had a baby so obviously siblings need contact.I hate this girl,she split upmy 18 yr marriage but i have to concede she is very kind to dd and dd quite enjoys her visits to the house,equally my now dh would go to the ends of the earth for my children.Very unnecessary to bring kids into adult feelings.

Poor little boy! That's so sad. The new girlfriend is pathetic and immature and he shouldn't allow her to cut him off from his son. He needs to grow a back bane and should not be marrying her until she grows up.

I think your mum is right not to go to the wedding, she is obviously ashamed of her son and future DIL for the way her grandson is treated by them. Good for her for sticking up for what she believe is.

I don't think you hsould go either but make sure he and his new wife know EXACTLY the reason why. They should feel ashamed.

ask your brother if he is a man or a mouse,you'll know the answer when he squeaks