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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

have had enough and gone back to bed

219 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 25/12/2010 10:55

They can sort fucking dinner out. Was doing the veg and dd hit the dog. Dog screamed, ran into the table and screamed again. Dd is nine and terrorises the dog for no reason. Am at my witd. End. It'll bite her one day. So i start yelling at dd and dh who saw everything yells at me for yelling at her. Merry fucking xmas.

OP posts:
VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa · 26/12/2010 00:11

Salsmum has the right idea. I'm loathe to suggest rehoming as a rule because I know all too well that rescues are overrun already but that dog does NOT deserve to have to live with your daughter. I'm eally disgusted that she's got away with it for this long tbh - I have 2 daughters and have had since before they were born at least 2 large dogs. Let's put it this way - my kids would only have abused my dogs once. Infact they wouldn't even dare do it once because they'd get the same treatment back and more.

Please contact Salsmum or I and allow one of us to help the poor dog find a new home through our respective rescue contacts before either the poor dog gets hurt again or she is PTS for biting your child.

Mowiol · 26/12/2010 00:28

Children (well little children anyway) do tend to bite/hit/scratch etc.
But, but they have to learn that this is just not on whether it's pets or people.
I can't bear to think of a poor dog being "terrorised" by anyone - young or not, and I'm not being ridiculous here. I think it would be tragic if this poor dog was confused by your DD and ended up biting.
I have 2 offspring who were brought up to respect animals and encouraged to look afer pets.
Please spare a thought for the poor dog here - it must be so wary and nervy most of the time.

Eurostar · 26/12/2010 00:30

Has your DD been exposed to violence? Rough bullying at school? Shouting from either of you or a carer? I say this as it is known that children often act out on animals what has been done to them.

RumourOfAHurricane · 26/12/2010 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

greenbananas · 26/12/2010 00:47

Hope the rest of your day has gone well... Smile

Stair gates for the dog? As a previous poster has said, maybe your daughter feels it's unfair that she is always the one that has to move out of the way.

In the final analysis, who comes first, your DD or the dog? With me, it's always the children - and I really do respect the rights of animals, honestly! It's great that your DD has apologised to the dog - shows she is capable of understanding how the dog feels.

My very young DS went through a very brief phase of bugging the cat (cuddling her when she wasn't in the mood, pulling her tail, trying to make her wear his bobble hat etc.) and eventually she scratched his hand - not hard, just enough to show him that she minded. Of course, he cried! Rightly or wrongly, that was a risk I decided to take - but she is not a big dog!!! I don't think I would like to take a risk with a creature with teeth that size. If you suspect the dog might bite her, I'd find it a loving home as quickly as you can.

Could you ask your DD whether or not she wants the dog re-homed?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 26/12/2010 00:51

I've just read the op again, 'the dog screamed, ran into the table and screamed again'

Bloody hell, that's pretty awful, she's 9 for gods sake, this needs to be seriously taken in hand or she's not going to make a very pleasent adult is she ?

Very, very disturbing.

greenbananas · 26/12/2010 00:53

yes apocalypse, perhaps I didn't read carefully enough - the idea of a dog in that state is very disturbing, for both child and dog...

VivaLaBeaver, please resolve this soon

MadamDeathstare · 26/12/2010 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

salsmum · 26/12/2010 00:55

A friend of mine that I hadn't seen in ages moved near me following a divorce, she relayed stories to me about how her cruel xH used to treat animals. Knowing that she loved her cats following a row one night he sellotaped the cats legs together and threw it out for the night AngryI wanted to kill him and I'd never met him. Animal cruelty starts when the person is young and if not addressed can only escalate further for you to say that the dog screamed that must have been some slap/punch/poke she gave the poor animal Shock and as others have stated there must be harsh consequences for such cruelty.

Morloth · 26/12/2010 01:28

I agree that children outrank dogs hands down and tbh but concern here is not really for the dog, my concern is that OP's daughter is acting in a very disturbing and dangerous manner.

daisydotandgertie · 26/12/2010 09:44

Ranking or position in the house is irrelevant. No-one in any household should be abused. By anyone.

Your dog is being seriously abused. By a 9 year old. The dog screamed - with fear and pain. And then seriously hurt itself again trying to run away. From your daughter.

And you say it happens EVERY MONTH or so.

How can your daughter have learned that's acceptable behaviour? It's unforgivable.

Your dog needs to live somewhere else. With someone who made a decision to have a dog and followed that decision up by actually protecting and caring for the dog.

Myleetlepony · 26/12/2010 09:56

I think that you and your daughter need to also realise that apologising to an animal after you've abused it is pointless. The animal doesn't know what the hell that is about. I don't think you or your DD should own a dog until you understand more about them to be honest.
I'm not a dog lover either by the way, but I feel angry at the thought of an animal living in an atmosphere where one minute it is treated well, then another it is abused and in terror. A human babbling meaningless words and making a fuss of it after the event isn't going to make it feel better is it?

crockydoodle · 26/12/2010 10:21

I think you're all going a bit OTT here. SOmetimes my kids hit each other. Yes they shouldn't but they do. Op's dd is an only child, the dog is the nearest thing to a sibling. Yes she shouldn't hit it but everyone lashes out sometimes. Especially as she's 9 and at an age where puberty is not far off and emotions can be a bit uncontrollable.
Tell me none of you ever lash out at your husbands or children.
You're making it sound like the dd is a problem child when she sounds perfectly ok.

Goblinchild · 26/12/2010 10:24

Let's wait and see what she's like at 13 them.

clam · 26/12/2010 10:35

"You're making it sound like the dd is a problem child when she sounds perfectly ok."

Perfectly OK? You think so?
Shock

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 10:50

crockydoodle

my children (youngest 18 months) all know that any sort of violence is wholly unaaceptable. any sort of aggression or attempt to terrorise another person or animal would end in severe punishment. i would be disgusted.

if you tolerate your chidlren hitting because tehy are children and "that's what kids do" then that is your own doing. it is up to you to set the boundaries and rules in your house but violence should not be tolerated in society and the teaching begins at home. what sort of society are you helping to create?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 10:51

and no, i have never lashed out at a partner or my children. i have never in fact hit anyone.

faverolles · 26/12/2010 10:54

Crockydoodle - my dc's will occasionally lash out at each other, but last time I looked, that didn't involve the potential of badly damaging/scarring the other child if they lashed back, and it certainly wouldn't result in one of the dc being pts for retaliating.

I have dogs. My dc have been taught from the word go not to mistreat the dogs, and by the age of 2 or 3 know that taking any frustrations out on one of them is not OK.

The dog shouldn't have to be shut away when the dd is 9. The 9 yo should know by now that hitting the dog is not ok.
OP - you say that you and your dh have agreed that it wouldn't be the dogs fault if it bites her, but in all honesty, what would you do if the dog badly hurt your dd?
You need to up the discipline with your dd, or rehome the dog before it bites back.

crockydoodle · 26/12/2010 11:54

I do not tolerate my children hitting each other - they know it is wrong but that does not mean they never do it.

Morloth · 26/12/2010 11:59

But do any of your children have a mouthful of Sharp teeth and a high relative bite force?

differentnameforthis · 26/12/2010 12:03

You're making it sound like the dd is a problem child when she sounds perfectly ok

Is it not perfectly OK to bash a dog just because it gets in your way/you don't like it etc! Just like it would never be perfectly OK to hit a sibling.

Yes, siblings do hit out at each other. BUT my 7yr old knows not to hit her 2yr old sister, as she knows not to hit her older sister. As the 2yr old knows it is not perfectly OK to hit our dog.

Our children also know that when the dog goes under the dining room table, or lies by the front door, that this means that he wants to sleep, so you don't approach him.

It isn't hard to teach a child respect for others and animals. Hitting dogs is not the same as hitting a sibling, because rightly or wrongly the sibling can hit back/let mum/dad know what happened. And hitting a sibling isn't likely to lead to a vicious attack that could lead to death.

Someone isn't perfectly OK if they taunt/tease/beat/harass an animal. The dog will snap....and then what?

Laska · 26/12/2010 12:06

The daughter is 9 - she should absolutely know that it's wrong to hurt anybody or anything. 'Beating' (not even hitting which would be bad enough, but 'beating' - how is that permitted?) a creature more vulnerable than herself reflects very badly on her - and the OP too to be honest, as she's the one who should be protecting everyone in the house.

How does the dog 'annoy' her? Is the dog pestering her to play? If so, it's the OPs responsibility to ensure that the dog is well exercised / stimulated and thus calm in the house.

Regardless of the dog 'annoying' her, she needs to know that violence is not acceptable. Torturing a dog - whether in anger or not - is a very worrying trait.

We had 2 large dogs in a 2 bed garden flat when I was growing up, and the dogs didn't come ahead of me (as people are suggesting is happening here) but woe betide me if I ever teased or hurt them. It wouldn't have been tolerated and rightly so. I was taught from a young age to be kind to all creatures.

I am torn between thinking the dog needs out of this situation asap before it eventually runs out of patience (I'm amazed she's not bitten already TBH - what a good-natured creature she is - don't presume too much on this, she will eventually bite. If your daughter loses an eye for example, the dog will be PTS and it won't be the dogs fault here, it would be yours and your DDs). And alternatively thinking that you need to be the adult here and make this situation work - don't let your daughter 'drape herself' all over the dog, or hit it - both are extreme and inappropriate behaviour. Teach her calmness and kindness. But if you can't make this work then you must get the dog out of there.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/12/2010 12:07

"Yes she shouldn't hit it but everyone lashes out sometimes. Especially as she's 9 and at an age where puberty is not far off and emotions can be a bit uncontrollable"

you say you don't tolerate it but in this post it sounds like you excuse it with justifications- 'lashing out, puberty, emotional' hitting is not ok. there are no excuse where it is ok. puberty is not justification. it sounds like the rule in your house is no hitting but when some one does do it you make an excuse for why. meaning really, it IS ok.

crockydoodle · 26/12/2010 13:43

No, read my post, i don't condone it, but it doesn't mean they don't do it. And by lashing out i didn't necessarily mean hitting. I also meant the use of harsh words.
Where did i say it was ok?

Eurostar · 26/12/2010 13:52

I don't think OP came back after my question about what DD might have been exposed to?

Just looking at the OP again..."So i start yelling at dd and dh who saw everything yells at me for yelling at her. Merry fucking xmas." - is this sort of anger, not based around the dog but around other things normal in your house?

If there's nothing in the home that is influencing this behaviour - then do have talk with your DD to find out if she is getting rough bullying from anywhere.

Really do think she is acting out patterns learnt elsewhere. She needs help.