have had enough and gone back to bed

[VivaLeBeaver]

They can sort fucking dinner out. Was doing the veg and dd hit the dog. Dog screamed, ran into the table and screamed again. Dd is nine and terrorises the dog for no reason. Am at my witd. End. It'll bite her one day. So i start yelling at dd and dh who saw everything yells at me for yelling at her. Merry fucking xmas.

The dog doesn't go in her room so DD could go and play in there and be undisturbed, but she'd rather be downstairs. We don't have any doors downstairs so I can't keep the dog out of anywhere.

I don't think I am all for the dog but obviously do love the dog. I just feel sorry for the dog when she's doing nothing wrong and I'm cross with DD when she's been so badly behaved.

So far thsi afetrnoon DD has been best friends with the dog and they've been playing nicely so fingers crossed......

And I do say to DD if the dog's annoying you go upstairs but then get the stroppy rant of "why should I etc, etc"

Actually I think if people in your family aren't happy it would be worth seeing what the family dynamics were like without your dog ( ie. re-homing him )

What I'm saying is I'd always put the children first, before a dog. ( Of course this doesn't mean I'd condone any cruelty to the dog )

I just don't completely get the dog/ pet thing.

We don't have any pets, we just enjoy seeing other people's sometimes when we visit them. And enjoy wildlife and birds.

Most pets seem like quite a lot of hassle to me !

Is there anyone in your wider family who would be happy to have/ look after your dog ?
My parents adopted my sister's cat when things weren't working out that well, and everyone was happy.

Get the daughter rehomed and keep the dog, sounds like the dog is more loving.

I dont feel one bit sorry for the child because she is being "disturbed" Is she going to carry on through life beating up everyone/thing that disturbs her? If she is, then she is in for a shock, someone will bite back, either the dog, or another child

That poor dog is being beaten up by a stroppy selfish child, what do you think goes through its mind when its being physically attacked? It must be terrified, its an animal and all it wants out of life is fed, walked, and loved.

What if one day the dog decides to defend itself?

I wouldnt get rid of the dog like its some old bit of furniture, keep it, get some baby stair gates for your doorways and teach that child the consequences of her nasty behaviour

I've told DD that if the dog bites her I won't be blaming the dog. Even DH who isn't a dog lover said he wouldn't blame the dog if it bit her. DD says she doesn't want the dog rehomed and that she does love her.

I really don't want to rehome the dog, I want to sort DD out. If she had a genuine reason for not getting on with the dog or if the dog was vicious of course I would put DD first but thats not the case here.

Oh don't be stupid, don't wait until the dog bites her. Discipline your child for goodness sake, she needs to learn that she can't take her anger out on animals or others who can't defend themselves. If you aren't able to teach your daughter the fundamental fact that cruelty is not acceptable, then rehome the dog without delay.
Re-read your thread, you don't take responsibility for anything, you're trying to turn the blame elsewhere. Your daughter is 9 years old, it is your responsibility to deal with this.

OK - I'm trying to put myself in the dog's shoes here - I'd be so bewildered and scared if I was that poor animal.
If you have children and/or dogs you need to "bring them up together" in a way. Children must learn to be kind to pets - "terrorising" the dog sounds awful.
I'm absolutely not having a pop at you Viva but I think you need to bluntly make a choice here (which we had to do years ago with a working dog that bit our DD).
We had to re-home said dog who was a "worker" ... long story short but we inherited her after she had been a working dog. She bit our DD (and we knew she was nervous) so we arranged a new home with lovely experienced owners.
It was very hard to do but we did not want to risk another bite and the poor dog didn't understand children.
Sounds like your DD doesn't understand how anxious and "desperate to please" pet dogs can be ..... she could be bitten then the dog will be the "criminal".

I'm getting the sense of a house filled with drama. it doesn't have to be that way. Your DD doesn't have to swing between hating the dog to the point of physical violence, then spending the day draped all over her.

You need to normalise things, take the heat out - and this will not be achieved by threats or emotional blackmail.

Your DD will feel you are in control when you feel you are, and behave accordingly.

That is when she will feel secure and stop acting like Scarlett O'Hara.

I don't think either you or her deserve the dog, tbh; it shouldn't have to live in a home like this.

That's the thing, isn't it? The dog desperately doesn't want to bite; it goes against generations of breeding and everything in a dog's nature.

The dog will be devastated if it's pushed to that stage. Tragically, it will also be PTS.

Do you have any other, younger children, or just the one princess?
Because I'd feel sorry for younger siblings if that's how she relates to creatures she professes to like.

Oh dear, it all sounds very stressful, hope the rest of the day was better.

I agree with the person though who said you MUST discipline your daughter over this. We don't have many rules in our house, but not hitting other people (or pets if we had any) is just a fundamental one. YOu can't let a nine year old hurt a dog, I would send her to her room, take away a treat/present, whatever it takes to stop her doing that. She really shouldn't be lashing out. Rehoming is obviously a solution, but I would worry about a child who was hitting a living thing, why does she not empathise with the dog and see that it will be distressed? I don't suggest you keep the dog as a living educational tool in empathy, perhaps it should go, but you need to say that she NEVER again hurts the dog. Really, it's not ok.

Believe me I have being disciplining her over this. Obviously I'm not getting through to her but I am trying. She's been sent to her room, she's been banned from tv/dsi, I've talked to her about how sad it must make the dog feel.

Like I said in an earlier post it isn't all the time and if it was more frequent I think I'd be considering rehoming the dog more seriously as it just wouldn't be fair for the dog. I doubt it happens once a month, maybe once every 6 or 8 weeks. So maybe talking to her works for a bit but then wears off.....and yes I am worried about how she thinks its acceptable to behave like that towards an animal. I don't have other kids but the CM has a lot of toddlers and babies in the house and apparantly she is an absolute delight playing with them, reading to them, helping them with shoes, etc. She's never any trouble at school and she isn't any trouble at home apart from this one area.

Is your house big enough for a large dog ?

My friend had a boxer in a tiny house and the poor thing was pushed from pillar to post, constantly shouted at etc, and then she kicked off when it snapped at her dd who thought it was fine to hit it over the head with a toy hoover

We seriously considered taking it in at one point but simply didn't/don't have the space, and she died not long ago. Dogs need place to bound around, especially boxers.

You need to be much much firmer with her OP, I`d give the dsi to a charity shop next time.

She really will end up pushing that poor dog too far.

Think about stair gates for your doorways, Ive got them to separate my soon to be born baby and my huge slobbering hound.

Can you sit her down and talk to her when she isnt being mean to the dog, in other words when shes behaving not having a strop? So you`re both calm and not in the middle of a row.

She really must not be allowed to hurt the dog again, I couldnt bare the thought of anyone hurting my big smelly slobbery boy.

I hope you dont feel like everyone is picking on you OP, obviously theres lots of us animal lovers around tonight, but it does sound like your daughter is a bit spoilt, (I was an only child too, I know what its like to be treated like a perfect princess) and likes to be the centre of attention etc, it needs nipped in the bud, cos it seems clear that she could quite easily grow into a very unpleasant adult.

If you do decide to re-home the dog, then I would also re-home her other pets too, she`ll learn that her actions have consequences.

I hope you get it resolved so that the dog gets to stay and live in peace, and your daughter learns to be kind to it, although sadly its probably just waiting for its next beating and on edge when your daughter is around.

Again, I hope I dont come across like Im having a go, but something needs to be done

OK, if your discipline isn't working, the dog has to go. I can't believe that it happens maybe once a month, or even 6-8 weeks, and you still have the poor animal in the house. If your daughter is upset about the dog going, then that's great because she may learn the lesson you have failed to teach her, which is that cruelty to animals is never acceptable. From your posts I don't think that you believe that yourself to be honest.
The bloody dog can't help itself, you need to help it. Don't wait until the poor animal bites your daughter and ends up being put to sleep. Don't you ever wonder about the story behind some of the stories about dog attacks? You say you tell your daughter that if she gets bitten it will be her fault. Are you prepared to live with the consequences of that if the one time the dog sticks up for itself it scars your daughter for life?

No I don't think space is the issue. I ahve a small house with two kids, two dogs and a cat. I am currently trying to MN over the top of my cats head as he has taken refuge on the PC desk from the house full of toddlers we had and discovered the monitor gives off heat. He is in my way. I have put him down several times but he just gets back up there. I have not and never would hurt him in anyway. The child needs to be taught tolerance.

I grew up tripping over large dogs/cats/wild birds/lizards/rats I never hurt any of them.

Im sorry to say viva but even if your daughter hits/beats the dog once a month thats once too often for my liking although both you and your DH say it'll serve you right if you get bitten to your DD trust me if that dog bites your child and there's blood/screaming and stitches needed (god forbid) you will be quickly looking to have it pts rather than see it as a 'learning experience' for your DD. I have worked at a well known dogs home and trust me people have had dogs re-homed/PTS for a lot less reasons than a bite! . There is strong research to suggest that people who abuse animals at an early age can go on to hurt/kill people later in life. I hate to sound harsh BUT your DD needs to learn tolerance to animals if you are to have them in the house the poor dog mast be so confused..being 'beaten' one minute and hugged the next . Please private msg me with your address and I will contact my animal rescue friends who will ensure your poor dog gets the home and love it needs.

I wonder if your DD feels a bit second best sometimes tbh. Of course she should never hit the dog, but the message seems to be "if she doesn't like it she can go upstairs, the dog does not have to go anywhere". She's 9, and a lot of 9yo prefer to be around the rest of the family not hidden away because the dog wants to roam around freely. So you have to discipline your daughter, but maybe find a way to keep the dog separated occasionally too.

Lovely the dog is also part of the family and likes to be around people. Would you be saying to shut it away if it was a younger sibling/friend?

The girl needs to learn to be tolerent. As another poster said she is in for a big shock in the big wide world if she doesn't.

Is dd involved in any of the training of the, walking (not alone, obv) or feeding of the dog? In what way does it annoy her i.e is it trained to stop, drop, sit etc so she can control it if it steals her things or tries to engage her in play while she is busy?

I think you are a cooking up a tragedy in not sorting this out. Both of them are going to end up horribly injured. If she pushes too far one day and the dog is a big dog, she could even end up dead if the dog gets in one unlucky bite.

Your daughter is 9 it isn't normal behaviour for a child of that age to be attacking an animal, especially something she claims to love, you need to get her proper professional help.

If she was 2 and whacked the dog that would be one thing, but at 9? There is something wrong, you need to do something about it.

To be honest your daughter sounds disturbed. Get the dog out asap because it will end in your daughter being bitten and, through no fault of the dog, the dog being PTS. As someone else said people start by abusing animals then move on to people.

Actually, MadameD, I know this thread may seem to be filled with dog-lovers, but I'm a bit like yourself, in spite of being a dog owner.
DP was the one in our house longing for a dog and I reluctantly agreed to it as I see it as a hassle I could do without - but I can still feel for this dog and see the injustice of its existence and if the likely outcome of it being in the care of this family.

Tolerating wilful cruelty is disgusting whether you're a 'dog lover' or not, as you say.

is your DD the youngest or an only child? is she having trouble getting her frustration out and taking it out on the next think down the pecking order?

i think you need to supervise ALL her contact with the dog. she should not be alone with it and she needs to learn how to care for the dog properly. but i think this is more than just not knowing how to behvae around it. it seems like she is picking on something that can't fight back (or doesn't..yet). sounds like she needs to learn how to vent.

poor dog.

I don`t think its about being a dog lover/non dog lover its really being about a decent human being and not wanting to see cruelty/abuse to any living thing.