to be annoyed with MIL telling me to send 'thank you' cards...

[CuddlyNemesis]

DD is nearly 2 and whenever anyone from MIL's side of the family gives her a small gift/money as a present, in spite of me thanking them in person for it at the time, she tells me later I must send them a 'thank you' card as well.

I'm 40 FFS! It wouldn't be so bad if she gently suggested it (although I think a verbal 'thank you' for a small gift should be enough?) but she tells me to send one like I'm a child, which is what is really pissing me off!

I know it'll happen again in the next couple of weeks... Obviously, 'thank you' cards were sent to everyone who gave us something before and after DD was born, but this is getting silly! I'm not being ungrateful - I do thank everyone at the time!

GRRRRR!

I feel your pain, my Mum says exactly the same to me and I'm 43 !

do they then send a thank you to the thank you card. how british

luckily our family don't do this

My mother does this to me. I am a grown woman and I know how to behave. Plus it drives my DH crazy and then we end up arguing about my mother AGAIN. Aaaargh

My Mum used to put a pack of 'Thankyou' cards in DCs stockings!

My MIL does the same. I gave up sending thank-you cards a few years ago, when I realised that no other bastard ever sends me one, and I put a lot more thought into presents than most! [self-righteous emoticon with a Santa hat on]

I get DD to write thank-yous to her friends if they give a birthday gift, and we see family at Christmas and I make sure she says thank you very much for the x to them, but beyond that I see your GRRRRR and raise you a BUGGER OFF!

(I put thankyou cards in DD's stocking )

My MIL does the same to me, I dutifully send them but what I really want to say is... 'You see him over there? He's your son. Why don't you tell him to send them, I can't be arsed!'.

To be honest, there's no way DH would send a 'thank you' card - anything like that is always down to me.

Thing are fairly tense between us at times... I think I'll tell her that if she's so concerned about them receiving a card as well as verbal thanks, she can send it!

Thank you cards in stockings bloody hell, that's like getting a speeding ticket with every new car!

Thank you cards are great when you haven't seen the gift giver, if they have given you the gift and you have said 'thank you' that should be (and for me) is the end of it.

As for your MIL - just tell her to fuck off that you were sufficently well brought up to know when it is appropriate to send a Thank You card and when it is not - thank you very much

Her telling you this is ruder than you just not sending a TY card.

My MIL seems to think I should be responsible for sending birthday cards to DH's nephews as well: they were both born before we met, and DH never bothered his arse sending them cards then, so why should I take it on now?

One of them had a birthday recently and MIL asked DD if we had sent a card: DD looked at her like and said "No", and MIL looked like she was going to explode!

I wound her up by saying I would send a greeting on Facebook. MIL can barely work the remote for her TV, never mind understand social networking, so the matter was dropped.

Guac - go for it, I'll be there with you in spirit!! & you too cuddly, tell her to tell her bloody son to do it, if he can write he can send the cards!

I get seriously annoyed when people write me thank you cards.

Email is my first preference, a telephone call second (a long way second, btw).

tell her to mind her own business - you will be the one to decide how you thank people. how completely inappropriate this all sounds, as if she thinks you are a child and she has to keep you in line

also remind her that she has a son. i presume your little one is his too. and she's HIS mother. so actually, forget "mind your own business", instead just go for a "feck off with your double standards", frankly.

The only people in my acquaintance who send hand written thank you notes are also the ones who perpetuate other antiquarian sorts of behaviour that don't sit easily with modern ways.

The only time I have ever seen a discussion about thank you cards is on MN.

Apparently it is etiquette to send thank you cards to people when you have been given something. LOADS of mumsnetters do it, apparently it is rude not to.

I think it is a middle class mummy thing, and as a lumpen prole I don't have to play a part in it.

I am not keeping the card industry afloat (or, worse, the handmade card components industry) by sending cards to people who bought dd an itunes voucher.

A verbal thank you when the present is given, or a text or email is more than enough.

Thank you cards should go the way of Victorian calling cards imo.

Waste o' fucking time.

It made me laugh when my Mum bought DCs thankyou cards for the stockings.
Saved me buying them.
She always brought weird and odd things for us all.
Ornaments of dogs that looked like a spaniel we once had etc.
I hate those sort of ornaments.
She buys us loads of crap that we all say thankyou for then it goes to the charity shop.

Thank you cards are so 19th century. Tell your MIL nobody does them any more cos of global warming. And shit.

"The only people in my acquaintance who send hand written thank you notes are also the ones who perpetuate other antiquarian sorts of behaviour that don't sit easily with modern ways."

Bonsoir I adore you.

I do wonder, knowing a little about how my MIL works, whether she thinks taking the time to write and send a card is a way of ensuring more gifts in the future?!

I only made the DCs write thankyou letters when we hadn't seen the giver..
That is my Mum had delivered them when she came to stay for christmas/birthdays.
If someone hands you a present then 'Thank you' is sufficient.

LeQueen, inclined to agree with you on that, too...

I remember reading in ASndrew Morton that Princess Diana sat there writing thank you cards to her bridesmaids et al on her wedding night. This was evidently laudable behaviour.

This sums up ALL which is wrong with the sebnding of thank you cards.