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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to not 'do' santa?

441 replies

jmt2211 · 30/11/2010 21:27

I don't believe in Santa and refuse to lie to my child about it. The first year he could ask about it was when he was 3 and I just said that lots of people liked to believe in Santa but really he was just pretend.
I have yet to find a single person who has done the same, even if I can get them to agree in principle, no one will agree in practice. I'd love to hear what others think (other than that I am a Scrooge) and see if anyone agrees with me....

OP posts:
RudeEnglishLady · 02/12/2010 11:02

uuuurgh...

wie zoet is krijgt lekkers! Sorry!

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 11:07

I haven't actually heard the rhyme.
My father once put up a stocking when we were small and he got a lump of coal! We thought it was funny, but it didn't occur to us that it might be a possibility for DCs. I suppose it depends on how you are brought up. Christmas is a joyous time for me and I don't think you want anxious DCs-it spoils it.
I don't think the amount matters-they don't tend to know. Some people have just a stocking from FC,some have a big present too, and some have the entire lot so it depends on the household as much as income-bearing in mind that people with lots of money often get small things and people with little put themselves in debt.

Kewcumber · 02/12/2010 11:17

We do a moderate sized stocking with no expensive presents in it and not a huge pile and don;t emphasise the "being good" aspect of it.

As a parent who has to negotiate the minefield of telling a child about abandonment by a birth parent in an age appropriate way through their life, I am experienced in negotiating the difficult line between being honest and allowing my child to have an age appropriate degree or carefreeness and wonder. I feel massively strongly about DS being able to trust me and still we celebrate FC coming as part of our Xmas traditions. Perhaps those of us who you are so scathing about OP have the emotional sophistication to deal with children changing perceptions over time.

No need to sound so smug about it - my DS currently believes I know everything and that I am "the best mum in the whole wide world". I don't currently feel the need to inform him that he is completely wrong and that I am rather incompetent most of the time and that there are better mothers than me out there. He will work it out in his own good time.

I don't feel the need to tell him that his friends parents and teacher are lying to him about God existing - particularly as I am pretty sure his teacher doesn't beleive but is obliged to participate in religious worship in school. It's no concern of mine what they think if (rarely) he asks I just say that I don't celebrate XXX (as appropriate) because I am not christian/hindu/jedi knight etc.

Why don;t you care what anyone thinks Confused - your OP said you wanted to hear what others thought Confused or was that only if they agreed with you? (Which pretty much you don;t seem interesting in engaging with either Confused

Why no Xmas Confused?

Kewcumber · 02/12/2010 11:17

Oh there is a Xmas Confused! Xmas Grin

Mum2HarryandBen · 02/12/2010 11:24

I am shocked this thread is still going, you are not going to change op's mind from the sound of her posts, she has made her mind up, maybe as she was new to this she made an error in posting this thread here!

Kewcumber · 02/12/2010 11:25

I'm not trying to change her mind - she wasn;t to know what otehrs thought so I told her. Am always happy to pontificate about my views.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/12/2010 11:28

I knew I shouldn't look at this thread because it would annoy me, but I did, with the predicted result.

DS1 was actually afraid of the idea of a man coming down the chimney, even if he did bring presents! I had to tell him the truth to calm him down. For the rest of them, I did just what my parents did with me. I was brought up on a whole heap of fairy stories, fantasy and later on sci-fi. FC was just one of those great stories which I enjoyed but didn't believe were literally true. Besides, I was a cynical little so-and-so pretty much from birth, and if I was supposed to believe that a young man with a patently false beard really flew into the shop on that cardboard sleigh drawn by animatronic reindeer I would have felt quite insulted, and why would we have to pay to go in? (Oh yes, I was watching.) But I still heartily enjoyed going to "Santa's Grotto" even though the presents themselves were nothing to get excited about. My dad would read The Night Before Christmas to us every Christmas Eve - he was great at reading aloud - and we'd all collude in pretending we hadn't heard my mother rustling and grumbling as she filled our stockings and occasionally dropped one with a big thump (would Santa really have said "blast"? Grin We hung up my dad's bristly old cricket socks and it was really exciting to see what was in there, a little bit at a time, even though I knew my mother had been buying things all year and squirrelling them away in her "magic drawer" in the linen room. She was pretty good at not letting us see the things early, but really crap at lying, I could always tell when she wasn't being strictly honest because it made her so uncomfortable.

Pretending is the magic when you're little. Nearly every kid loves "let's pretend" and I would never advocate taking that away from them. I am just totally aghast that so many people think it's EVIL and sucking all the magic out of a child's life not to do this Santa thing in exactly the way they do it. IMO a child doesn't have to believe the real fat guy really arrives with real reindeer to enjoy the whole thing. Oh, they probably will forgive you for lying to them in a good cause, but they will also be disappointed once they find out the truth, whereas if they were in on the story from the start they can enjoy it as a participant. Like watching magic tricks and sort of knowing it's sleight of hand, but still being amazed at the magician's cleverness. There are one hell of a lot of amazing things in real life too.

FWIW my DCs have grown up as excellent storytellers with an avid interest in fantasy, film, cartoons and writing. Maybe they're compensating for something I robbed them of, who knows? Hmm Only one of them insisted that FC really was real, in the teeth of the evidence and all his school friends and brothers telling him differently, until the age of 8, and he's the one who had most difficulty engaging with the real world as a general rule (it was suggested at one time that he might have Asperger's, NOT because of the FC thing I hasten to add).

So: those accusing the OP of bringing up joyless little automatons, GET A GRIP. It is not child abuse or neglect not to tell your child a charming untruth. I told mine the same story, I just didn't tell them it really happened. I doubt very much whether your way will scar your children for life, but then again, the signs are that my way didn't either.

Kewcumber · 02/12/2010 11:32

annie - DS does not beleive that those santas are the real one but in teh summer we went for a ride on a steam train and the driver was absolutely FC on his summer job white curly beard and all... DS asked if he was FC and very sweetly man said. Ooh I'm asked that a lot, what do you think? Then winked, wouldn;t confirm or deny eitehr way.

RudeEnglishLady · 02/12/2010 11:35

Yes, I noticed that also. Its a bit like the new versus second hand baby stuff thing. If you are secure you don't feel the need for a big show I guess.

Believe it or not - I'm not all damaged about Christmas! I did have good Christmas's as a child although I did stuff like cross-questioning different adults and then presenting the case for it being a load of rubbish. Searching out the gifts. Santa's handwriting analysis. Gift comparison across the family. Telling younger cousins Santa wasn't real. Actually if DS is anything like me then I shouldn't deny him this opportunity for devilment! He is the youngest though so I think the older ones will nobble him first.

Well, I've got Sinta Klaas on Sunday, and then nothing until Christmas Eve then its Christ Kinder and Christmas Angel. Christmas day is English Santa and Kerstmann (basically same person). So I'll do a 'dry run' this year whilst DS is too young to remember and see how it hangs together!

Anniegetyourgun · 02/12/2010 11:38

Ah now, Kewcumber, I like that.

BonniePrinceBilly · 02/12/2010 12:14

I can't believe that people are trying to argue that Santa, fecking Santa, is a harmful to the minds of small children, and setting them up for a lifetime of lies! Shock

You are quite, quite bonkers. You don't have to do it, but don't try and suck the joy out of it for the rest of the normal people.

maryz · 02/12/2010 12:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 02/12/2010 16:49

Yay! 2 messages deleted

Rollmops · 02/12/2010 16:59

OP, you sound very dull and ..eer... dull really is the word.

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 17:17

Who would have guessed that FC was such a contentious issue and got so many messages deleted! It is odd-I see so much swearing, even in titles,and it gets passed by and yet calling people pompous rather than or seems to be a crime too far!

piscesmoon · 02/12/2010 17:19

I never seem to manage asterisks-you will have to use your imagination!

Jumpty · 02/12/2010 17:26

It's not FC, it's the rude, sanctimonious smuggery and thin-skinnedness that's the problem. Someone whose trigger finger is hovvering over the report link.

maryz · 02/12/2010 17:29

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkySnowSkeleton · 02/12/2010 17:35

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MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 02/12/2010 17:38

We do FC, the Tooth Fairy and Jack Valentine. I am a BAD mother Xmas Grin.

Acanthus · 02/12/2010 19:18

It's a bit off though, a first time poster reporting such mild stuff and getting it deleted. Not good netiquette really.

Jumpty · 02/12/2010 19:30

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usualsuspect · 02/12/2010 20:03

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missmoopy · 02/12/2010 20:05

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JoBettany · 02/12/2010 20:09

I don't agree with the OP and think she was BU. However I think some of you are really crossing a line here.

Sorry but I think what you are doing is pretty nasty.