to not want to perpetuate the Santa myth?

[WriterofDreams]

I know this might seem totally weird, and I am completely open to being told IABU, so do your worst!

My first baby is on the way and DH and I have been talking about the whole Santa thing. We're both a little ambivalent about it. I hate hate hate lying to children as I was lied to a lot as a child, not necessarily in a nasty way, more in a dismissive, "none of your business" sort of way. It made a big impression on me. I was a very intelligent and horrendously serious child (I see that now) but the Santa thing was something that hacked me off big time. From about the age of 4 Santa stopped making sense to me and I bombarded my mum with questions which were responded to with lie after lie after lie.

I know she was trying to keep the "magic" alive for me but it was truly baffling to me as a child and really annoyed me. For example, I thought, if Santa can get around the world in one night, why does it take 24 hours to get to Australia? Why doesn't he sell his technology to people who are in disaster areas and help them rather than giving out plastic crap to children? All this got me was "because he's magic." That just didn't wash at all with me, and Santa actually became this scary figure who had huge power but wouldn't share it with anyone else. The whole elves and toy workshop thing just confused me more, as I was aware toys were made by toy companies who sold them for profit. Yes, I know, I was a ridiculous child.

I had hugely mixed feelings when I discovered Santa wasn't real. This happened when I was about 6 but I didn't let on as I thought I wouldn't get presents if I didn't pretend to believe (another negative thing). On the one hand I felt relieved he wasn't real because it answered all my questions. On the other hand I felt annoyed at my mum for not just telling me he wasn't real when it was clear I was so hung up about the whole thing (I realise now she was trying to protect my older sister, who still believed).

I just know I'm going to have a hard time pretending to my LO that Santa exists. I hate that perplexed look on children's faces when you can see they know you're lying but they're trying to believe because they trust you and don't think you could lie to them :(
At the same time I know that not having the Santa thing would mark him out as totally different from other kids and could make life really hard for him, particularly if he feels left out.

Any opinions?

Bah not vague! Grr

We don't do Santa - all gifts that are received in this house are bought by someone and that someone is duly thanked.

Not so much an issue with the myth, as can understand the role of mythology but hate the materialism of it.

DS is aware that people believe all sorts of different things (we are atheists, so have taught him that although there is no such thing as a god really, people are entitled to believe whatever they want) so the fact that some children at school believe in father xmas and others don't doesn't seem to be an issue.

We do have a nice ritual of decorating a tree and having a nice meal at xmas. We have explained it as celebrating that the days are getting longer again.

His birthday is only a few days before xmas so presents again would be totally OTT.

I didn't have any trouble with my DC's when they learnt FC wasn't real, Althouigh in our family FC only bought Stocking presnts all other presents were from us and relatives, In fact they are now 23,20 and 18 and still love to have stockings and pretend they believe in FC.

OP, I think you're massively overthinking it and, btw, I don't mean to be nasty but I wish you wouldn't keep speaking for all Catholics. I'm Irish Catholic, I also don't have any shame around baby making. Neither does my mother, my aunts, my cousins, my friends or indeed any Catholic I've come across, at least anyone under the age of about 60 anyway. Catholic isn't another word for repressed.

DD will be three just after Christmas so this is the first year she'll get the whole Christmas thing. I have the reindeer dust, mince pies and carrots all planned. We will also be going to mass on Christmas morning and she will be learning all about the Nativity in her liturgy classes. Religion and Father Christmas aren't mutually exclusive.

It's up to you OP. You obviously had a bad reaction to being lied to about Santa. I have very fond memories though of listening out for sleighbells on the roof and am still absolutely in love with Christmas. I don't think it would have felt anywhere near as magical to just be told that my family would be buying me some presents. Maybe wait til your child is here and try and guess what she would prefer. It's not going to be an issue until their 2nd Christmas at the earliest. Maybe just keep it for when they're very young and when they start to realise it doesn't add up just tell them?

edam, bit late but your DH's doing Father Christmas made me cry. So lovely.

Writer, as others have said, you may want to wait until you meet your baby before you make any firm decisions. There were all sorts of things I was never going to do or things I would definitely do before DD came along. I look back with a .

FWIW, DD was highly unamused by the thought of a man coming down the chimney to deliver presents last year. Now she's 3, she's quite amenable to the idea of someone randomly delivering presents. I have been using the "we'll see what Father Christmas brings" routine to stop her continually asking for everything she sees on tv (which, by the way, she was never going to see until she was much older ).

Sorry about offending you re the Catholic thing Rockbird

Yeah I suppose I'll just wait and see if he's a little scientist like me. I'll know from that beady look that I used to fix on my poor mum when I suspected her knowledge wasn't up to scratch!

Writer I was a bit like you... I knew it was rubbish but I liked the stocking presents (was only told those were from FC - the rest from family/friends) so much that I kept quiet about it.

Actually, we kept up the FC myth until I was well into my teens. My mum used to "sneak" upstairs doing the "ho ho ho" voice from the Green Giant Sweetcorn ad when I was about 16 and I'd be nearly choking trying not to laugh. I bet the bedclothes were shaking too... If I stay at mum's for Christmas now, I still get a stocking

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we all knew it was pretend but all kept the myth going as it was fun.

You are really over thinking it. I wouldn't deny DCs the magic that I had. I found out when I was 6 yrs and I didn't feel that I was lied to and I didn't think for a minute that the presents would stop. My DCs didn't feel lied to-they asked questions and when they eventually asked outright I told them the truth. I am glad they had it-and nothing can take away the magic.

Everyone needs magic in their lives.

The best comment I've heard on "is he real" was by a teacher at my old school. She had a class of 7-10 year old's ,so some believed and some didn't but the cool older ones were really spoiling the whole thing for the younger ones.

She sat them all down quietly looked them in the eye and simply said 'he may be real he may not, do you want to take the risk?"

Brilliant as the older ones loved the concept of being daring and the younger ones thought better of being gobby in class...just in case.

Must be hard for teachers.

i dont think my post came acreoos very well, i have no shame around sex and will talk about it with dd as and when there is a time she understands and asks but 2 is very young to know about intercourse so telling a vertion they understand is not lieing.

I dont think encouraging the fc myth is lieing either.

version

Children need magic in their lives and santa provides that...

I do think is a bit odd to say that FC brings the big presents, or even odder still, all the presents. That is more like lying, because at some point they realise those presents actually come from people. They still get presents though but the explanation is revised, a lie is exposed.

If FC only fills stockings with little things it is more like a game. At some point the kids decide they've grown out of it and you don't play it any more.

Ugh justonemorethen honestly that response from the teacher makes my skin crawl, it has such a threatening tone. Take what risk exactly?

I'm a teacher and if a child asked me about Santa I'd just say that's something they should talk to their parents about. I'd never tell a pupil of mine the truth for fear of upsetting the parents.

The risk of not getting presents of course, if you don't believe, you don't receive everyone knows that.

My poor Aunty has had a nightmare with her daughter in law who insists that all presents come from FC and my aunt is to bring hers around on Christmas eve and add them to the huge bloody big pile all from FC.
Well she decided she'd had enough one year and wanted the 2 DC's aged 5 and 7 to know that grandma had bought them. She got told to shove her presents if she wouldn't play DIL's game :(

Presents shouldn't be used as a threat. That's not the point at all.

I still belive in santa now... parents just help him along the way a bit

to encourage belief in the impossible encourages belief in the abstract and in tangible. 'Justice' might be a good example

I agree with the threats aspect Writer. I was always 'joked' with that I hadn't been good enough and would receive rubbish - specifically used tea bags and fish heads- instead of presents. My pressies were put in black sacks every year. I cried every time and was told off for being 'silly'.

If DC need threatening I will do it myself not with presents or mythical creatures.

Having said that I will probably do santa.

We do not push Santa on our DC - DH and me both remember going along with it for the sack of our parents. Presents are clearly marked from us and no leaving mince pies and carrots out.

However they know who Santa is - films, stories ect school gets them to write lists to Santa - and before school Nursery did Santa grotto for eldest DCs ( terrified them though they liked the presents) and before that their grandparents push idea of Santa at them.

We do not do the Christian side either (DH atheist, me agnostic) but they go to a C.E. school and they learn about religion and its relation to Christmas there. We have had no problems so far- eldest two DH have worked out we put the presents in loft for Christmas.

What ever you do about Santa - IME others will push they concept at the DC.

I was a bit taken back when one mother I knew said next year her DD would be to old to believe in Santa so she could spend less on presents - could not see the logic there and was more taken back when another claimed her 14 year old still believed.