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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to stay home in bed with my 2 week old?

152 replies

Mirabelle77 · 04/11/2010 00:18

Got mil staying at moment been out shopping , coffee etc for last 3 days been good to practise getting out with pfb.

However we struggled to bf and I am using shields as he would not bf without and have been expressing for all these trips and sometimes when he flails and screams at breast have expressed and given bottle.

Bf got off to a poor start as had to go to another hospital after birth as retained placenta and also lost a litre of blood so didn't spend first few hours together then was very weak and hospital gave him formula in a cup. I kept trying to bf , next night went back to mlu and they helped sooo much. He lost nearly 12% of his weight but has put on at last weigh in.

So the question is finally mil wants to go on yet another trip out tomorrow but my left boob seems to have dried up and I have no expressed milk saved , feel like staying at home and feeding. I feel like she will just think I am being lazy but we never seem to have cuddle time or snooze time in the day since she got here as she seems to have him most of the time.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissingFirecracker · 04/11/2010 00:21

Let her go on her own.

Bugger what she thinks. you have only just had a baby and need to rest.

Just say you don't want to go.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 04/11/2010 00:23

YANBU!! Stay in bed all day with a good book and your ds! find an excuse, any excuse. It sounds like a really good idea to get your bf better established (and let you have a break!)

Is your mil supportive of you bf?

TheFallenMadonna · 04/11/2010 00:23

You aren't being unreasonable at all. You must be knackered!

Do you have to express for trips out btw? Is it too difficult to bf when you are out?

StayFrosty · 04/11/2010 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joyjac · 04/11/2010 00:25

Babymoon all the way, next few days in bed, never mind tomorrow. You've had a rough start, and MIL's social needs aren't helping. Get your DH to say you won't be going. End of.

And congratulations! Enjoy your little boy as much as you can Smile

beakysmum · 04/11/2010 00:26

Follow your instincts!

All you say sounds perfectly reasonable. Have you talked to MIL? Will she listen?

Don't worry about being seen as being lazy, having a 2 week old baby and BF is hard work and will be for a few weeks yet (prophet of doom!). It's great that you're getting out, but all things in moderation?

(I speak as someone with 7 week old baby 3! Also lost a lot of blood after baby1, and didn't realise at the time how much that puts you at a physical disadvantage. Baby 1 also given formula from a cup. I don't think that had too much of a negative effect, but setting up BF is hard work whatever.)

zoley · 04/11/2010 00:27

Stay at home, bfeed and enjoy your baby! My milk took 5 days to come in after an emergency c-section and I was told to do as little as possible, make sure I was eating and drinking enough to improve my supply and establish bf it was nice to be instructed to take it easy Smile. Insist to MIL that it's such early days that you can't be out every day and that you need some quiet time with your little one and enjoy your new son.

BookcaseFullofBooks · 04/11/2010 00:27

Definitely not unreasonable. DD was hardly out of my arms for the first 4 weeks, if not more. This is a time for you and your baby.
Sounds like a really good idea to stay home and feed. Maybe she feels that she is helping you. Perhaps she will understand if you explain it to her.

FunkyCherry · 04/11/2010 00:33

YADNBU
Your MIL sounds really selfish.
I have a 18wk old and regularly stay in bed with her (and I'm not even breast feeding.)
Congratulations on your little one. Enjoy your snuggles.

cryhavoc · 04/11/2010 00:42

Definitely not being unreasonable. Huddle up in bed with him and enjoy it.

Congratulations.

StayFrosty · 04/11/2010 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 04/11/2010 00:47

Say no. Where's your DH?

canyou · 04/11/2010 00:48

Def not being unreasonable, being cuddled up in bed with your LO is exactly where you are supposed to be.
Also I assume you MIL was able to stay in hosp for longer then you did and had more bed rest when she had her Dc so maybe remind her of that [My Mum has2 weeks in hosp for her eldest Shock ]
Congrats on your PFB Enjoy every moment Grin

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 04/11/2010 00:55

Mil had twins and was in for 10 days after difficult birth.

Dh went back to work mon , I had finished feeding at 7 tonight when he back from work so I made us tea mil got her own. At 9 ds needed feeding so went upstairs as he was crying so much and that was our night as we both fell asleep after feed then dh came to bed and now asleep, ds is asleep on me as typing this on I phone!

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 04/11/2010 01:01

Bloody Hell - when I first left the 2 weeks after an uncomplicated birth I was completely knackered after an hour and spent the next day and a half in bed/on the sofa...
Take it easy! Get into bed, get yer shirt off (or get skin to skin in some way) and let your darling baby nuzzle, feed, sleep, and do all the lovely newborn things on you so that your supply is boosted and you feel gorgeous....

rest, rest, rest. Remember in Japan you wouldn't be allowed to do anything for 40 days, and you'd be waited on hand and foot and fed special treats. Rest!

Original poster
Mirabelle77 · 04/11/2010 01:15

I'm crying now because all your messages have made me feel so much better. I have been having headaches every night awful , awful headaches and I feel so drained I have lost all the two stone I put on in preg in 2 weeks as don't have as much time to
eat. I seem to only struggle to feed him then it's time to do the washing / cleaning etc get food/ drink then it starts again and never seem to have him apart
from the feeding times anymore so don't feel as close.

OP posts:
oranges · 04/11/2010 01:34

your dh and mil should really be giving you meals and doing stuff round the house while you rest and feed the baby.

nellieisstilltired · 04/11/2010 01:41

Your mil seems to think she on holiday. Give her a shopping list and tell her the mw said you had overdone it. Suggest dh tells her you now need to get into a rourine with lo. As i remember tbis is the time when things start to become overwhelming. Look after yourself.

winnybella · 04/11/2010 01:52

What is your Mil there for, then, if not to help you out? Hmm

Tell her what nellie suggested, and spend some lovely time in bed with your baby. You need it and it will be great for your bf.

Congratulations on your lo!

CultureMix · 04/11/2010 01:58

At barely 2 weeks it's no wonder you're exhausted. While it does help to get some fresh air only do so on your terms when you feel up to it. You are perfectly entitled to stay in bed snuggling with your little one, all the more so if the weather is bad.

I'm worried about your comment that you're never getting to hold the baby. What!!??! It's your baby, not your MIL's! Sorry but she's had her chance with her kids, now you're the mother and it's your territory. These are incredibly precious first days, you are bonding with your baby and MIL needs to step out of the way - and ideally leave the house altogether while you settle into a new family routine. I assume she's been there two weeks already, that's long enough.

From your last post it sounds like you're ending doing all the housework while MIL cuddles the baby. Wrong wrong wrong! Should be the other way around. Forget the dirty dishes, you go admire and feed your baby and give both of you a chance to sort out the breasfeeding. Doesn't matter what state the house is in frankly, you should just be in a happy little cocoon with your newborn. The first 6-10 weeks is all a fog anyways, just go with the flow and don't worry about it.

I'm really serious about this, you will resent it later otherwise. Speak to your husband and explain how you feel so he can support you in this. Sounds like MIL needs some talking to and will help immensely to have him backing you up.

FunkyCherry · 04/11/2010 02:08

BTW, I found paper plates, plastic cuttlery, cans of drink for guests (fanta sprite etc.)great for getting by without having to clean up anything.
Oh, and I lived on cereal bars that I could grab in the middle of the night.

AllGoodNamesGone · 04/11/2010 02:42

Totally agree with what everyone else has said. MIL should be looking after you, not the other way around and it would be such a shame if you end up stopping breastfeeding sooner than you want to because of all this.

I really, really wish someone had told me to go to bed with my baby to help get BF established. I didn't know to do this and ... long story but ended up stopping BF at seven weeks which was so not what I had planned or wanted.

Do you have a midwife visit due soon? Try and get her on side to tell MIL (and DH) you need to rest and that MIL is to look after you (or go home!)

You are most definitely not being lazy in the slightest.

It can be tricky for a MIL to know how to help. Whereas my own mum would just come and take over the kitchen etc, MIL didn't find it easy to do that, but if I asked her to do things she would and I think it did help her to feel useful. Perhaps you could give MIL a shopping list and ask her to bring something back for you all to have for dinner.

(lol, just remembering asking my MIL to get some green veggies and she came back with two huge bags of frozen peas (we only had a tiny freezer!) but at least she tried!)

AllGoodNamesGone · 04/11/2010 02:45

PS. and tell your DH he is on dinner making duty for at least the next fortnight Grin

elvisgirl · 04/11/2010 03:07

The headaches could be hormone-related as lots of hormone stuff still going on post-birth, and/or due to dehydration whilst bf-ing, so get loads of fluids & if you need to, take a painkiller that is safe for bf-ing, don't suffer!

Explain to MIL you are grateful for assistance etc whilst declining. Maybe think of some things she could pick up for you when she is out so she still feels useful & encourage her to go out giving you some peace.

It takes ages to recover from birth, plus losing blood & retained placenta - been there & done that! Don't think I went out properly for the first 5-6weeks. Are you taking an iron supplement, esp if you are not finding time to eat much (which you must, esp if bf-ing) - get a liquid one like Floradix or Saptone which is easy to absorb & won't cause constipation. You should not be doing any cleaning etc at this stage -just keep yourself & babe clean.

You will never get these precious early weeks again so do take the time with baby just "being".

buttonmoon78 · 04/11/2010 06:24

Congratulations!

Stay at home. From experience, bf problems don't just 'go away' and certainly don't if yr flitting about. You need at least a couple of days to just chill and build your milk up.

Enjoy your scrummy newborn. Am just a tiny bit Envy!