to want to stay home in bed with my 2 week old?

[Mirabelle77]

Got mil staying at moment been out shopping , coffee etc for last 3 days been good to practise getting out with pfb.

However we struggled to bf and I am using shields as he would not bf without and have been expressing for all these trips and sometimes when he flails and screams at breast have expressed and given bottle.

Bf got off to a poor start as had to go to another hospital after birth as retained placenta and also lost a litre of blood so didn't spend first few hours together then was very weak and hospital gave him formula in a cup. I kept trying to bf , next night went back to mlu and they helped sooo much. He lost nearly 12% of his weight but has put on at last weigh in.

So the question is finally mil wants to go on yet another trip out tomorrow but my left boob seems to have dried up and I have no expressed milk saved , feel like staying at home and feeding. I feel like she will just think I am being lazy but we never seem to have cuddle time or snooze time in the day since she got here as she seems to have him most of the time.

Excellent news :)
Do you know what, the most important thing you can do to establish supply in the first few weeks is feed lots, and certainly every time your baby gives even a hint that they might fancy a feed. I bet given all the travelling round you have been doing, and the fact your MIL holds your baby a lot (to 'settle' him??) that this hasn't been happening and it has had a bit of a detrimental effect :( Not saying this to make you feel bad but it is reversible and it's important!

Yes sparkle I know this has been happening ,
and I must stop it today. So today we will cuddle
and feed , cuddle and feed. Mil is lovely but I think to ask for him back more often.

OMG you poor thing. Stay in bed. Eat. Rest. Gaze at your baby.

I can't believe you have lost all the weight you put on in pregnancy- I do believe you, just shocked!
YOU MUST REST.

My first was addicted to nipple shields and I thought I'd never feed without them. Then suddenly he refused to feed with them and all was fine.

EAT. Eat. Eat. REST.

Tell mil you are tired and that you are staying in bed.

Right, if your MIL stays, the condition is that she helps you, not put more pressure on you. That means loading/unloading dishwasher (bet you're doing that), chucking washing in/hanging it out/putting it away, cooking for everyone - making sure you are eating properly (very important when you're bfing), hoovers, shops, does other odd jobs. Then she can have cuddles with her precious GS.

There is absolutely no point in having someone to stay with you when you have a newborn if they end up being a hinderance and not a help.

I remember with DD1, it was such a shock to the system (and don't forget that pysically you have been through a trauma). I don't think I got over the utter shock of having a baby until she was at least 6 months old

Many, many congratulations on your beautiful baby boy. Use these precious early days to enjoy him

Schiike I was size 16 when got preg but didn't really
seem to get bigger only belly now weigh 1 pound less than before preg size 16 jeans are fallin off so maybe a 14 now but still fading away to an elephant! Do eat but just quick breakfast sandwich for lunch then little tea and no time for snacks.

I think you need snacks when bf. I was always really hungry and thirsty in the early days.

have a lovely sleepy day.

YANBU.

Stay home and cuddle and feed. Tell her you suddenly feel exhausted and have overdone it. Hopefully she will feel guilty and start doing stuff. But def don't go out.

My MIL would have done this given half a chance!

Did you have a blood transfusion? Have your iron levels been checked?

You must rest, and you need to tell your DH to look after you and he needs to tell MIL to do the same or go home. He should leave you a packed lunch in the morning and water by the bed, snuggle and sleep all day.

YANBU at at at all

your baby needs you- a happy, nourished, cosy, relaxed you, not your MIL.

stay in bed, wallow in lovely baby-ness and enjoy.

I like the idea of saying the midwife said you overdid it, though depends on how you can communicate with MIL.

ENJOY!!

Tell her to go out alone, in fact, if I were in your position, I'd be letting her know it was time to go home (unless she is unbelievably helpful with lots of stuff).

You need time alone, you are tired, you need to concentrate on feeding - for days if necessary.

She is being ridiculous.

YANBU AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Mirabelle

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread so might be repeating what others have said but I just wanted to say YANBU at all but, more that than, if MIL is staying she should be helping - doing washing, cleaning etc and encouraging you to rest and get to know your new baby in bed, on the sofa, wherever but not dragging you out for coffee when you are feeling too exhausted. Can DH speak to her about this so you can just get on with resting?

Are you still having headaches? Have you spoken to your MW/HV/GP about them - it is important you have them checked out especially after a difficult delivery and blood loss.

Have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor? There should be a clinic at your hospital or they may even be able to see you in your own home. Again, your MW/HV/GP should be able to put you in touch with someone.

You may also be able to get smaller nipple shields - the ones you find in the shops tend to be quite large (try www.amazon.co.uk/Medela-Contact-Nipple-Shields-Small/dp/B001UFB52G medela) and use them under guidance of a breastfeeding counsellor. Also see: www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/tips-and-solutions/112/nipple-shields

Congratulations on the birth of your lovely baby x

Oh, it really makes me cross when grandparents think they they are visiting just to hold the baby.
You really need to be firm I'm afraid. Can you get DH or a friend to have a word?
You should be snuggling most of the time, especially if you are having problems breastfeeding. You certainly should not be doing any cleaning. If MIL/DH don't do it, just leave it for now.
You must eat, frequently, and have lots of drinks too.
I would set yourself a goal of staying in your PJs until the weekend (at least). You can get out of your bed if you want, but stay cosy and comfy.
I can't believe MIL hasn't been cooking for you. If she won't, DH should, or get takeaway for a few days.
Your sole priority at the moment should be snuggling. Rest, eat, feed, sleep. That is all.

I just wanted to add a recommendation to help you eat - Heinz snack/soup pot things (look at the bottom of this page - called taste of home).

My husband has been a marvel during his two weeks paternity leave, but I still needed more snacks than he could provide! My sister brought over some of these, and in just 2 minutes, you can be eating fab stew

I reccommend the steak & guiness once, but don't rate the chicken & dumplings!

Sorry, I'm still in breastfeeding fug and forgot link:

www.heinz.co.uk/ourfood/soups/whatsnew

say NO, send MIL out on her own and make sure she brings cake when she returns, or even better give her a shopping list.

Just rest up woman, relax, drink lots of liquids & focus on you & your baby. MIL/DP etc can take care of housework etc - there's no need for that to be on your radar just yet.

YANBU

oh & you are so not being lazy!!!!!!!!! I'm sure MIL wouldn't think that but if she does stuff her - it's not about her, it's about you and your baby.

Eat more - I found Dorset muslie a great help for instant nutritious food.

Congrats on your lovely baby!

Have you tried 'rugby ball' feeding - hold ds under your arm and then he can feed from your left side but lying the same way as if he was feeding from your right breast? I haven't explained this very well sorry, but it worked when mine had favourite sides to get them using both sides, ds would be in a
familiar position iyswim.

You are doing a FAB job well done x

Stay in bed and bf with a phone and the NCt bf line number to hand and your MIL can stick it up her arse.

Mil just asked though door if I needed anything, I went for a shower and left ds in room, dh has text saying shall we all go for tea but that would mean expressing again don't think he gets it although he did speak to mil about bf and me needing to stay home .

Surely the first 2 weeks should go like this:

Mum stays in bed with baby, people bring her food that can be eaten with one hand. A constant supply of chocolate is provided. Anyone who visits brings more food and makes a cup of tea. Mum may decide to get dressed on occasion, she may decide to go for a short walk. But mostly she stays in bed, or on the sofa, and other people do the running around.

Do not get out of bed! The headaches could be because you are dehydrated? Drink plenty of water. Please look after yourself!

DH probably just trying to be helpful - thinking of saving you cooking. Tell him you don't want to go out to much until bf is established. Ask him to cook tea or to pick up takeaway instead.

the head aches could also be from losing weight so fast - doesn't that release some chemicals that can give you headaches, make your breath smell etc?

tell dh no i can't go out but a takeaway would be great if you could pick it up on the way home.

i can't believe you've been cooking for everyone in sight of mil and she hasn't taken over.

my mother used to bring me over left overs or a stew or something and take my washing away with her. she'd return with a nice basket of ironed sheets and clothes and towels and more food. i recall her cutting my food up and putting it beside me on the sofa on a tray so i could eat it one handed whilst still feeding. the context is that my mum isn't great, not a great deal of emotional intelligence or support going on usually but even she knew that a woman breastfeeding a newborn baby needs lots of help with practical stuff for the first few weeks and that's the role of the people around her rather than just cuddling the cute new baby.

think you need to talk to husband say you're exhausted and you've messed up trying to do everything and have decided you now just need to focus on bonding and feeding with the baby for a few weeks and you need his support with stuff around the house, meals etc. i don't know why he thinks you would want to go out to tea. should be texting saying what takeaway shall i bring home for you and is there anything you need picking up?