to want to stay home in bed with my 2 week old?

[Mirabelle77]

Got mil staying at moment been out shopping , coffee etc for last 3 days been good to practise getting out with pfb.

However we struggled to bf and I am using shields as he would not bf without and have been expressing for all these trips and sometimes when he flails and screams at breast have expressed and given bottle.

Bf got off to a poor start as had to go to another hospital after birth as retained placenta and also lost a litre of blood so didn't spend first few hours together then was very weak and hospital gave him formula in a cup. I kept trying to bf , next night went back to mlu and they helped sooo much. He lost nearly 12% of his weight but has put on at last weigh in.

So the question is finally mil wants to go on yet another trip out tomorrow but my left boob seems to have dried up and I have no expressed milk saved , feel like staying at home and feeding. I feel like she will just think I am being lazy but we never seem to have cuddle time or snooze time in the day since she got here as she seems to have him most of the time.

I lost weight quickly after both of mine. With DD I was losing a fes ounds a day for the first few weeks. Its the breastfeeding and lack fo appetite. My appetite came back and so did some of the weight. Try not to worry too much but if you are worried talk to you GP.

Mirabelle - am guilty of not reading middle two pages so might have already been said - are you drinking lots? It is essential to drink lots or you will get dehydrated, which might be contributing to your headaches and dryboobness.
You could try fennel tea, Waitrose or Holland & Barrett sell it, I drank it throughout bf'ing DS to aid supply.

Your MIL should definitely lower her expectations of what you can do - I remember my MIL was staying with us after Ds was born and DH took me to task for staying in bed too much and not doing enough to entertain her - I tore strips off him! And so would she have, if she'd heard.

Do what you need to do for you and your baby - your MIL is old enough to look after herself. Sounds like she's being some help, which is good, but you must think of yourself and the baby first.

I will never forget my mil sitting out in the sun tanning herself in our garden, smoking sigarettes and drinking tea, while I was cooking, caring for newborn, and toddler, while I could barely walk due to Symphesis pubis dysfunction. She would look in at me, and grin.

nearly six years down the line, and she has seen her son and her grandchildren only twice since.

You should be looked after and cared for. You should eat well and drink, snuggle your newborn and enjoy him, and life.

My mother or MIL (both in their early 60s) both tell me that they were not allowed to leave hospital for 10 days after having their first baby.

It may be that your MIL has forgotten what it is like - don't know if it helps to ask what things were like 'in her day'.

echo thoughts on thyroid. An overactive one after having a baby is quite common. Do you feel jittery and anxious too? That's another symptom.

Hi OP - just wanted to say that I BF my son for 6 months - using nipple shields for the first 3 months. He was very little when born and as I have flat/inverted nipples he found it very difficult to latch on - it was not until he got a bit bigger that he managed to latch on himself. So try not to worry too much if he is getting very distressed without it. I think if you can see milk pool in the bottom of the shield the baby should be getting enough milk, but expressing should help your supply too.

Doesn't matter that your lochia has stopped - there is no way of knowing that your iron levels have recovered unless you have a blood test. Seriously, I had a PPH that size and had to have a blood transfusion and was on iron tablets for quite a few weeks. As you're possibly symptomatic of aneamia I really think it's worth checking out :) Sorry to harangue you!

mirabella - she will have forgotten what it's like, I did and my youngest is 6 months!

My MW told me the more I rest now the better I will be in the coming months.

More rest = more milk in my experience.

Thyroid test good idea

Iron levels check good idea (can take months of iron tablets to reestabilish

youre doing brilliantly, it's just mental at the begining.

Also - the feeding, no one told me how much quicker they get at feeding injust a few weeks.

So for the next few weeks you are basically doing not much but feeding and changing, that is totally normal, and it will get much easier soon.

The best thing I have done with all three of mine is to go to bed every third night at 7pm until I get a bit less tired. It's brilliant as it means the rest of them time I am not a mess.

is it possible that MIL isn't doing huge amounts because she doesn't want to be seen to be interfereing or overtaking you. It may be that she is waiting to be asked. Some people have to be very specifically 'told' what to do and you need to let go. I never forget my husband doing the food shopping after my first - me knackered. He comes home with fresh chops, spinach, etc etc. MIL has no idea how to cook spinach. DH looks at me hopefully - 'I thought we could have spinach, cream and parmesan like your mum makes'. Men and MILs (we do forget as women - we say we won't but we do - the baby days are receeding for me as a fog even 10 years later) haven't got a clue and just think that life carries on. You need to get selfish and specific. They won't mind being ordered about - better that than you collapse in a heap.. You don't get a medal for being superwoman - I should know - I'm still waiting for mine and it hasn't arrived yet.

Also - bugger the cleaning. I do and we are all still alive!!!

Congratulations and enjoy your little bundle.

OMG, she ironed the effing work shirts?????

Sorry but this makes me really angry. There's a horrible attitude there. She isn't doing anything for you because she's there to make sure DH gets to believe nothing extraordinary has happened, to offer HIM the comfort of her presence and to make sure that for HIM, life goes on as normal, and fuck you missus.

I missed that she ironed the work shirts. Just like my mil. She was making dh breakfast, even if he was perfectly capable of pouring milk over his cereals, fed ds1 chocolate, and she got me nothing (but grief)

sorry. this is not about MY mil.

Can you TELL I have issues???

She has been helping me. I just had landlord inspection and was bf nicely she sorted him out. Got out of bed at 12 today will have to be up earlier tom as health visitor coming.

You don't have to put on a show for the HV. It is FINE to still be in bed when HV arrives, or still in pyjamas. Get used to prioritising what your baby and you need, and not worrying about what other people might think/want/expect. It's irrelevant

Maybe I will just stay in bed then when health visitor comes , seems as though me being unwashed and in bed at 11 is going to make her think I'm not coping though or doesn't it work like that?

just be honest with her and tell her you are trying to get feeding and milk supply better established by having some chill time with baby. she's not there to judge you but to support you - be honest and tell her you're tired, have been doing too much etc. check she's cool about you being off the iron too.

if i was a health visitor i'd be more worried about the lady running round polishing things and making cups of tea for everyone than the lady in her dressing gown chilling out.

Just to reiterate what others have said - please get your iron levels checked. I had same problem as you - was same size as you and lost same amount of blood. Fortunately had visit from my consultant day after birth on ward (still catheterised) and he was amazed I hadn't had transfusion. He got me one - had 2 pints - but I still felt like a wet dish cloth weeks later. My bf was a disaster and I'm sure this was a contributing factor ..
I was just bloody exhausted.
It takes a long time for your body to replace what has been lost and it is so important that you keep your strength up.

Please stop going out and don't worry about the Health Visitor - sure she'll be delighted you are looking after yourself and resting up.

Good luck and congratulations xx

Oh - and get the MIL doing some friggin' jobs - why the hell has she been there for 2 weeks FFS!!!!!!!!!!

Now upstairs while dh and mil watch football ds won't feed crying and flailing took so long for them to get me any tea that had to go upstairs hungry as ds crying and can't stand mil pushing his head onto my nipple when he is like this so rather be in bedroom. When ds is crying like this feel like they think I should just be giving him formula or that I'm no good. Will keep trying to bf but when he gets like this I usually express as can't get him to stay on boob.

She pushes his head onto your nipple? GRAH. That is so overstepping natural boundaries.

Explain to her that he has to have his mouth open wide enough to get a proper latch and that shoving his head will do a lot of harm.

When is she leaving?

You poor thing

Are they going to bring you up some food? Make sure they do.

You are not no good. You are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances. Don't let them talk you into giving formula if you don't want to. Talk to the ladies on the breast and bottle feeding board about the feeding issues but don't let MIL and husband bully you.

I think she should go home.

sleep, rest, sleep, feed, rest, feed, rest, sleep.

That is what you should be doing.

NOTHING else, unless you WANT to.

When you feel up to it, see if your local Surestart centre do a breastfeeding clinic; the MWs and HVs are lovely and supportive.

Hope you're OK mirabelle.