to want to stay home in bed with my 2 week old?

[Mirabelle77]

Got mil staying at moment been out shopping , coffee etc for last 3 days been good to practise getting out with pfb.

However we struggled to bf and I am using shields as he would not bf without and have been expressing for all these trips and sometimes when he flails and screams at breast have expressed and given bottle.

Bf got off to a poor start as had to go to another hospital after birth as retained placenta and also lost a litre of blood so didn't spend first few hours together then was very weak and hospital gave him formula in a cup. I kept trying to bf , next night went back to mlu and they helped sooo much. He lost nearly 12% of his weight but has put on at last weigh in.

So the question is finally mil wants to go on yet another trip out tomorrow but my left boob seems to have dried up and I have no expressed milk saved , feel like staying at home and feeding. I feel like she will just think I am being lazy but we never seem to have cuddle time or snooze time in the day since she got here as she seems to have him most of the time.

Yanbu.

You are being sensible.

You should be lounging about, being waited on hand and foot.

You lost a litre of blood? FGS stay in bed and let her off to 'have a little break'. She could bring you back something nice You should not be lifting anything except your baby. The most walking out you should do is s walk around the garden if you have one.

Seriously, no way should you be trying to get out, and there's no way you should be lifting a finger around the house. Not one finger.

Plenty of time for that when you've recovered.

You need to sit down with your DH and tell him to tell his mum to pitch in with the housework. What you're describing about this visit is ridiculous. You need to have your baby in your arms close to your boobs, in bed. You need your meals delivered to you right there. You need rest, rest, rest and then more rest. If your MIL won't help then she needs to go and your DH needs to step up to the plate.

'...don't have as much time to
eat. I seem to only struggle to feed him then it's time to do the washing / cleaning etc get food/ drink then it starts again and never seem to have him apart
from the feeding times anymore so don't feel as close.'
Your world needs complete rearranging. I'm astonished at your MIL (and DH). This is ridiculous.

YANBU at all. Your MIL can think what she likes you have done bloody well. Sounds like you need a little mummy baby time with your LO. These first few weeks are precious and knackering. Nowt wrong with staying in bed all day cuddling your baby.

Seriously OP, if you have to stop breastfeeding because you were more concerned about being polite to MiL than looking after yourself and your baby, you will find it hard to forgive yourself.

I know you are trying to do the right thing, but the right thing now is to rest, eat well, cuddle your baby, keep hydrated, sleep when you can and recover.

You will regret not prioritising yourself and your baby. You will end up feeling very resentful towards Mil.

Look after yoursef and your baby. Nothing is more important than that :)

mirabelle...just another little nag from me too!

having a baby is hard work...you MUST take this time to recover from the actual birth, and allow your body to rest. you'll end up being run down, depressed, exhausted etc...

take the time to establish feeding. once you can bf easily (baby will latch on with no fussing, baby will feed well, you are feeling less self consious, and feeding without shields etc) then that is the time to go out and about... now, stay at home and do what you need to do...cwtch up with your things all around you (phone, tv doofer, snacks..choccie, fruit, cereal bars, sandwich made by dh and covered with clingfilm before he goes to work! drinks, and plenty of them..cartons of juice are handy) and enjoy this very precious time with your teeny tiny baby.

stay well now x

Hi all thanks for the advice he has just fed and snuggled up in bed now.
My left breast doesn't seem to produce much milk any
ore although seems full I just tried him on it but he kept crying so gave him right one until he fell asleep. How do I get left one to produce more if he won't use it? Will go down later and tell her not going out today need to sort bf out. Think she thinks we have to be out every day as he loves sleeping in his pram
but then he sleeps for ages and goes frantic at the breast when home.

Hope you're netting from bed. Stay there.

Frosty his fave way is lying down so we usually do
it that way should keep trying normal
way but he comes off crying and throws the
shield sometimes. Will cuddle skin to skin and see if he willtake it next time.

I haven't read all the replies, but you are definately not being unreasonable. My twins are 15 days today and we've had similar problems to you.

I'm really impressed that you can express enough to feed while you're out at this stage - I know I can't!

I have managed to work on some of my breastfeeding problems, but only by staying in bed with my children and practising feeding. In between feeds, I try to rest (or get a shower etc). I am lucky that my visitors have all understood that my babies come first (and I don't give a hoot if they think I'm rude for slipping off to feed mid visit) and my husband has completely taken over every non-baby aspect of life.

Long post, but seriously - GO TO BED AND LET DH DEAL WITH HIS MUM.

Onceamal yes on I phone that why the stupid spaces!

Congratulations Mirabelle and I hope your going to enjoy your lovely day in bed. You deserve it two weeks old what a joy - cherish every minute they grow so quickly

Good God woman. Tell your MIL to have a lovely time if she wants to go out. Or that you require tea and biscuits on the hour and you'll have them on bed thank you very much. Then give her your menu sheet for the day! She might naff off home with any luck! What a silly woman (her).

Congratulations. Look after yourself and have a lovely snuggly time :)

Your MIL probably sees DS sleeping in his pram for hours as a good thing, whereas actually it is not a good thing at the moment while you are still establishing BF. Ditto getting back to 'normal life', not holding your baby and going out and about unnecessarily, and doing all the housework. These are not the signs of someone coping brilliantly with their new baby as certain books and a fair number of the older generation tell us....they are actively detrimental to BF and to bonding with your baby.

Your DH needs to understand that and to boot MIL out if she cannot respect it and help you (with housework, food and support), instead of indulging herself at your baby's expense.

Congratulations and well done. You must be a really strong person to have coped with all this.

Congratulations on your baby
I agree with everyone else
You should not be expressing at this stage (didn't your MW mention anythign about that? Mine said 4/6 weeks minimum)
You should NOT be doing housework while MIL bonds with the baby. This isn't being precious, it;s about the baby learning who his primary carer is.
You should not be going out unless you really want to. A short walk from home should be more than enough for fresh air. Big shopping and coffee trips can wait for later (unless you have a nice coffee shop within 5 mins walk of course :))
Your MIL should be there to look after you. If she isn't then she needs to go and come back when you are up to having guests!

Where does the OP say how old her baby is?? I do believe the baby is 2 weeks but just highly

Just caught up with the latest posts. I can't believe you're doing housework and your MIL is doing nothing to help!
I can only reiterate what pps have said. Please take this time to enjoy you precious bundle and do nothing else. You are absolutely not lazy!

Btw, I hope you're not planning on getting up this morning.

He is 16 days old was told in hosp I tranferred to buy pump as he wouldn't feed. I can't bf out as flails cries using shield and likes it lying down. I think I just need to bf and cuddle. She ironed DH work shirts , could do with bathrooms cleaning etc but dont like to ask . I hoovered everywhere the other day. I assumed she would just clean without being asked. Got dishwasher so that's not an issue. She goin on sat and then my
mum here for week be more help even though physically she not in great shape I will get her cleaning !

Congratulations on your baby. Stay in bed! For the next few weeks!

Did you know that in some (probably more sensible) cultures you would not be expected to get up for 40 days - your female relatives would be doing all your housework and cooking and your job would be to stay in bed getting breastfeeding established.

As so many others have said, these first few weeks are very precious, and also crucial for getting brestfeeding established. Lots of cuddles, lots of skin-to-skin, lots of lovely, unhurried time to kiss your gorgeous new baby and get the latch right so that you can hopefully ditch those nipple shields in the long term - your DH and MIL should be waiting on you hand and foot!

do you have to use the shields when lying down?

i think just stay in bed and tell her what needs doing. eg. it would be really helpful if you could do some cleaning/cooking/whatever please. seems very odd that she isn't doing this automatically - what did she think she was coming to stay for?

as far as i'm concerned in these early weeks your baby is the centre and you are the circle surrounding him everyone else is in the circles supporting you (therefore him) by taking care of you and helping with all the practical things that free you to take care of your baby. they're like concentric circles surrounding each other, all supporting the next circle in iyswim. your mil doesn't seem to understand that the way to help with/contribute to a new born babies life is to support it's mother who is effectively it's life support machine.

She is probably just utterly clueless rather than being purposely horrible.
Tell her this morning that you are sorrry but you have over done things in the past few days and you dont feel well enough to go out anywhere. Would she mind bringing you back some bread/milk while she is out?
That way she cant argue as you are saying you are not welll enough to go anywhere and are subtly suggesting thaat she still goes out and leaves you in peace!

sod the hoovering, sod the housework, just rest.

if you ruin breasfeeding through doing too much for other people then you will feel bad about it later. you willl never regret having a messy house for a couple of weeks!!

Why are you washing and cleaning? They should bloody well be doing all of that for you! I feel mad for you! You MIL wanting to bloody well go out when she should be helping you! Stay in, relax and stay in bed and let your milk supply establish (this may take a good few weeks but perseverance is key) and let them do everything else please!

Sparkle I try to not use them but they are twice the size of my nipple so without one he doesn't
seem interested . I do keep trying though. I popped
down for banana and yoghurt , so had breakfast now got ds snuggled under a nice fluffy dressing gown and my left boob is leaking yay, will be ready when he wakes up. Mil not downstairs yet.