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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with my family.

268 replies

Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:40

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:45

Stewie he is a doctor (senior registrar) and his boss is away today. He has a clinic with 30 new patients and he would get roasted if he didn't go in.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 11:47

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:49

I didn't know he had a clinic on today. He is generally nit home till gone 8 on clinic days.

I am just cross because I am ill, I never ask my family for anything, they live round the corner and they can't give up 1 hour of their time to help me...Sad

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleHarrysMum · 14/10/2010 11:52

Have you only got DS? If so can you not just cuddle up in bed with him when he's due a nap??

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:54

He is having a nap now. Suppose I should try and get my head down but I am upset and I know he won't stay asleep for long. I suppose iabu but I am a very family orientated person who believes in helping each other out despite what plans I have made.

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 11:58

sorry but i wouldn't expect help from my family just because i was ill. unless i was in hospital of course. tehy are busy, tehy have lives and have things arranged. they don't have responsibility to your children or you.

and yes if he is napping and you don't then you have no reason to be bitchingabout your family. opportubnity to nap is tehre. up to you to take it.

maduggar · 14/10/2010 12:01

I could maybe understand if you were seriously ill or hurt, but I think YABU for just a cold/flu type thing.

wastedwaist · 14/10/2010 12:02

Wow...what a sense of entitlement.So they should drop everything to help you because ...you have a cold and you are tired? Help is great, when it comes it should be cherished. Is is not a right. You are BU because you are tired and miserable so cuddle up on the sofa, sleep when your baby sleeps and relax.I don't have any family anywhere near me...not for colds, flu, migranes, leg amputations.....no help, nothing, nada...this is life. And to be quite honest, if I was young, free and single I would be going round wedding shows with my mates or riding (!) too, having a right laugh and not worrying about my sister, a cold and HER baby!! and so (I suspect) would you!!

going · 14/10/2010 12:02

I can see why it's bothering you so much but unfortunatley stay at home mums don't often get sick leave!

Happened to me a while a go. I was really ill, hadn't been out of bed for 2 days. DP had to go to work so he asked my mum to come over. Thankfully she did but I really needed someone to be in the house with my youngest daughter for the two hours between dp leaving for work and my mum arriving so asked MIL to come for the morning. She wouldn't come because she had arranged to go for a coffee with a friend, I had only asked for help once before and have never asked again. Thankfully DP stayed at home my mum came over and was able to look after my daughters when I was rushed into hospital by ambulance the next day.

FrightNightScreamTight · 14/10/2010 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 12:05

I don't think I have any sense of entitlement actually. It's just about helping each other out. And wasted, you don't need to tell me that this is life I am well aware thank you Smile

OP posts:
FindingMyMojo · 14/10/2010 12:08

I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset with your Mum - my Mum would certainly help out if at all she could (she lives in another country though sadly) as would my sister if she was free/not working. It's selfish of your Mum not to help you out, but that's who she is. I'm assuming of course you're not too demanding on her as a childminder so she's not objecting as she feels taken for granted?

But you're a parent, you'll survive. Try & sleep when you can instead of winding yourself up further on MN perhaps? And go straight to bed with DH comes home.

BalloonSlayer · 14/10/2010 12:08

Bloody hell, you've only got a cold!

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 12:10

Fingmymojo, you're right I'm off to bed while ds is asleep!

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 12:12

i don't think you can say OP's mum is selfish. her mum explained she was tired and had things to do.

i know if it was a choice between me being tried/sick and looking after ds who was also sick and clingy or my mum who was also tired and was distracted by what else she had to do then i would rather do it for ds's sake. sick dcs always want their parents.

withorwithoutyou · 14/10/2010 12:14

Well I don't think your sisters are being unreasonable, they have plans!

Don't know what your mum's things to do are either but she sounds busy too.

Sympathy though, I have no family near so know exactly what it's like to struggle through illness with children and no help. Makes you really appreciate it when you get better though Grin

FindingMyMojo · 14/10/2010 12:14

I can say it & I did!

wastedwaist · 14/10/2010 12:15

well then stop moaning!
Life is feeling shit sometimes and having to carry on. You are very lucky IMO that your child sleeps during the day. If you are that tired you should be having a nap now, not on here moaning that you are tired and you have got no help. Get some perspective. You can be family orientated without having to drop everything for a family member who has a cold ffs

emmie31 · 14/10/2010 12:16

I have to sort of agree with the OP I know we all chose to have our children and thay are our responsiblity blah blah blah, but surely if your family is free and you feel rough isn't it natural to want to help them out , even if its just an hour so you can have a bath. I would most certainly help my kids out one day if the time comes. I'm really bitter anyway as I've babysat all my my familys children, friends children ( they had kids young) and suddenly when I have children they've never once offered. And didn't see hide nor hair of the lot of them when i had pnuemonia last year(thankfully husbands work was amazing)sorry rant over

Booboodebat · 14/10/2010 12:20

Poor OP.

Having 'flu and looking after a sick baby is tough.

I really don't think that hoping your family will drop something to help you once, when you need it, is massively entitled.

If I were your sister, I would help you.

So, imo, YANBU.

Honestly, it so often resembles the four northerners sketch on this site.

DomesticG0ddess · 14/10/2010 12:21

I think YAB a bit U - I know you didn't know you would be feeling unwell, but it's not much notice to give people. Your family probably don't want to catch yours and DS's cold either to be honest! I am sure if you were seriously ill they would be over in a shot. You're lucky they are close by for those incidences. Our families are bottom of our list to call when I potentially go into labour next week because it takes 5 hours for them to get here!

Do they not help you ever? Do you help them?

cory · 14/10/2010 12:21

depends on age and general state of health of grandparents imo

ours are elderly and we do our very best to keep them away from any family sniffles as they would be hit a lot worse than we would

my mum caught a cold off my nephews last years and it took her several months, and some pretty strong antibiotics, to recover

OrmRenewed · 14/10/2010 12:23

"but surely if your family is free "

But they aren't.