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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with my family.

268 replies

Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:40

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

OP posts:
wastedwaist · 14/10/2010 12:24

she hasn't got the flu, she's got a cold her baby is asleep, she has a partner who is coming home after work.

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 12:26

well, you can say it. doesn't make it true.

verytellytubby · 14/10/2010 12:26

Sleep when he does. If he's only 6 months so lie on the sofa with him watching a crap film with a duvet.

It's worse being ill with no help and 3 children (including mental twins) and school runs etc.

Booboodebat · 14/10/2010 12:26

Well, OP, you have my sympathies.

OP is clearly feeling rough enough already, and doesn't need telling off imo.

I think it's very hard to adjust to the fact that - once you become a mother (particularly a SAHM) - you are bottom of the list when it comes to being looked after.

Perhaps AIBU was not the wisest place to post, though.

verytellytubby · 14/10/2010 12:27

Sleep when he does. If he's only 6 months so lie on the sofa with him watching a crap film with a duvet.

It's worse being ill with no help and 3 children (including mental twins) and school runs etc. Sorry if I sound harsh but you can have a PJ day at home with him.

verytellytubby · 14/10/2010 12:28

ps. Hope you feel better soon.

Booboodebat · 14/10/2010 12:28

And the competetive 'well I've got eight children and all my relatives live in Botswana' answers are just SO unhelpful.

Hedgeblunder · 14/10/2010 12:30

Aw, that's pretty rubbish. You are being a teeny bit unreasonable, but when you're poorly it is easy to be upset and a bit emotional.
Agree with those that say wrap up with your ds and watch toy story or something and try and have a snooze.
It's shite but it's the weekend soon so hopefully you can catch up a bit then x

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 12:32

i think those posts are to try and give OP a bit of perspective booboo.

verytellytubby · 14/10/2010 12:40

I presume the competitive comment is aimed at me. Of course I didn't mean that I was trying to bring perspective as she was so angry with her family. She has a 6 month she can doze and rest with.

We've all had shit days with no help.

VinegaRigamorTits · 14/10/2010 12:44

blimey i hate to see what you were like if you were seriously ill

a cold? and you expect your family to drop everything to come and look after you? are you a man?

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 12:47

Grin @ are you a man

Vallhalloween · 14/10/2010 12:58

Well said wasted and Vinegar and ditto.

As for your comment "6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.", WTH??

This theory applies when he needs to be taken to hospital despite you having a cold. it makes you nothing less than a martyr when your son merely wants his poorly-feeling mother to carry him around all day.

And dare say lucky you for having a cold, one child, family nearby and a husband? Doubtless access to a car too?

My two then under 6 yos and I had none of those when I was undergoing cancer surgery and treatment.

mrsruffallo · 14/10/2010 13:03

It would be nice to have some help in these situations, and I always seem to notice these people that have their mums on hand at all times to take over,go shopping with etc, but I do wonder if that is a little claustrophobic at times.
I wouldn't even ask my family as they have let me down in the past so I am afraid it's a case of getting on with

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 13:05

yes OP when you say you are obliging, it comes across as if you actually considered not caring for him while he's poorly.

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 13:06

Why the comparison vallhalloween? I am very sorry you had cancer but I don't how it is relevant at all. I have an acute illness. My family can't spare an hour to help me. I am pissed off cos they never help me and I always help them.

Making stupid irrelevant comparisons is not helpful.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 14/10/2010 13:07

Well, he is only 6 months old . It's times like this that the reponsibility hits you.
You will be obliging for a bloody long time OP

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 13:07

YABU - I understand you are not feeling well, but quite a lot of mums out there (including me), have no friends or family nearby who are in a position to help out. I had to look after my DS a day after having a general anaesthetic because there was no-one else around and DH had to go back to work.

Unfortunately, when you have children to look after, there is little time to feel sorry for yourself.

Original poster
Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 13:09

Booo no actually, I just felt I needed to make it clear that ds is my first priority. Obliging was prob the wrong word to use Blush

OP posts:
ineedtogetoftheinternetnow · 14/10/2010 13:09

Hi I saw this convo and just had to add and say to huskyflodynamo I know how you feel and years ago I used to think I made my bed (to have children) I lie in it but my views now are that families should help out I never ask my mum anything but it would be nice to offer and my mum works full time but they are her grandchildren and she can sleep at night-time I know this sounds harsh but five months to the day I lost my wonderful mother-in-law at 63 and she would do anything for us all she was our child minder while I worked and now we (9 children,35 grandchildren,11 great-children) are completely lost so is it really too much to expect your family to help out cause your a long time dead (sounds morbid I know but if anything I am gonna be the greatest nanny ever cause my kids deserve that). MOAN OVER lol

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:09

if hubbie is a senior registrar then ring a nanny agency and get a temp - you can surely afford it

proudnscary · 14/10/2010 13:09

I send you my sincerest and hearfelt condolences regarding this dreadful situation you find yourself in.

If you do manage to survive this terrible illness, have you considered writing an inspirational novel about your triumph in the face of appalling adversary?

mrsruffallo · 14/10/2010 13:09

Husky, I was the same when my first child was born. I suddenly realised that I was always the one visiting them,doing them favours and then it hit me one day that the respect I gave was not reciprocated. It's a hard journey emotionally but you will come of it with resilience and self reliance. It's part of you becoming your own family, apart from the one you were born into

gardeningmum05 · 14/10/2010 13:10

i think you are being a tad unreasonable, you have a cold for goodness sake and only 1 child.
i have 4 children my dp works a minimum of 12 hours a day and i work 3 days a week,no family support WHAT SO EVER, its tough!
having problems with my body and think i may have to have a hysterectomy, thats worrying :( how on earth will we cope then, let alone having a poxy cold!

mrsruffallo · 14/10/2010 13:10

Senior Registrars aren't fantastically well off actually

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