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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with my family.

268 replies

Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:40

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 13:11

ineedtoget

if 9 children,35 grandchildren and 11 great grandchildren are lost with your MIL then i think you may have depended on her a bit too much.

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

VinegaRigamorTits · 14/10/2010 13:13

i think the comparison comes from most people wanting to say, count yourself bloody lucky thats all you have, you have a cold, stop whinging and take some beechams

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsruffallo · 14/10/2010 13:15

Oooh was that 'fuck off' aimed at me?

VinegaRigamorTits · 14/10/2010 13:17

toughen up woman

or i be forced to share my story about the deadly virus cold i had last week and i still had to go to work

and then this thread will turn into competative illing

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:17

yep

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 13:18

Well said SGM

ineedtogetoftheinternetnow · 14/10/2010 13:18

I think it's unfair to assume they can afford a nanny and even if they could would you like a stranger looking after your baby?

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 13:20

"even if they could would you like a stranger looking after your baby"

Yes. If I was so ill that I couldn't cope and wanted my DH to stay off work then I wouldn't care who was looking after my baby as long as they were safe.

VinegaRigamorTits · 14/10/2010 13:21

she doesnt need a nanny, shes only got a cold

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:21

I would have someone to help out for a few days if it was really that bad yeah ..... and actually if it is really an emergency them mst people can find a few hundred quid if they really need to - especially senior registrars

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

becaroo · 14/10/2010 13:21

erm....feel a bit sorry for the OP here.

Its not about who is better because they soldier on whilst ill (and make sure everyone knows it IME!) but she must be feeling pretty bad to ask her dh to stay at home....cant any of you remember how terrifying it is to feel so ill and know you have to look after a baby???

Perhaps she is worried she might pass out????

I had really nasty flu when ds1 was 6 months and I collapsed twice. Not nice. She is not saying she has dengue fever fgs!!! But a nasty cold/flu when caring for a young baby can be scary, ok???

wastedwaist · 14/10/2010 13:22

right, you are just getting silly now. An acute illness? You have a cold, a COLD. You are not falling apart, you do not have to do a school run, you do not have to go to work, you do not even have to make much of an effort to play with your child. And while you might feel like shit, you can sit down with a cup of tea, biscuits and a duvet, watch TV and wait till your partner gets home when you can have a bath and go to bed.

OK?????

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:23

@rigamortits .... agree she doesn't need a nanny, sounds like she needs a kick up the arse TBH

slhilly · 14/10/2010 13:23

SGM:
"Expecting your family to cancel their plans because you have a cold isn't acceptable."
Acceptable?!
What, it's immoral is it?

I agree with the poster who talked about the 4 yorkshireman comments. Weird to see how many people appear to be saying "I can't get help, therefore it's wrong for you to get help or even to want help"

Frankly, it feels like Thatcher won -- the atomisation of society. Once upon a time, helping each other out was part of what happened even when the need wasn't desperately grave. I, for one, wish those days were still here.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 14/10/2010 13:23

You have a cold (albeit a bad cold), not something that's an emergency.

Your family all have plans already; it's not as though they are going to be sitting on their respective sofas watching Richard and Judy (or whatever is on instead these days) all day long. There are other people relying on them and/or a significant cost investment involved in their plans.

So they won't cancel their plans, let people down, and incur extra expense to help you with your non-emergency situation? Sorry, but they seem to be acting perfectly reasonably to me and this is what parenting is like.

becaroo · 14/10/2010 13:24

slhilly Well said!!!!

minxofmancunia · 14/10/2010 13:26

OP YANBU it's rubbish when familes don't help out BUt TBH I don't think your sisters shoule be expected to help. I think when GPs esp your own mother (I have one like this too) don't bother even just for an hour it's pretty hurtful I can empathise.

And massivemammaries that post is so bitter and loaded I'm not even going there...Hmm. Speaks volumes about YOU though.

mrsruffalo is right senior registrars aren't on some vastly elevated salary and if the Op isn't working then its probably not much more than your avergae household income. So in short you don't actually know what you're talking about.

massivemammaries · 14/10/2010 13:26

@slhilly .... she should pay to get a nanny then! hubby isn't on £6 per hour if we are being honest

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heathcliffscathy · 14/10/2010 13:26

jeez louise this thread really has got the martyrs out in full force!

just becuase you can wade naked through snowdrifts with a temp of 105 whilst carrying 18 children doesn't mean that the op can't feel a bit sorry for herself.

a bad cold can feel about as bad as it gets (i know i've got one!).

OP you were very ill advised to post this in AIBU. Very.

go and repost in chat with the thread title:

I feel really shit, and no one in RL is helping me, could you all send me some sympathy?

and you'll get the responses you want.

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 13:26

I think if she was worried she might pass out, then she would have started a thread saying "I'm really ill and worried I might pass out - what would you do?".

But this is just a thread because she has a cold and is pissed off with her family because she wants to lie in bed until it's all over.

I've been really ill whilst looking after my ds and it's not difficult to lie on the sofa while your baby plays on a mat/sleeps/feeds etc.

VinegaRigamorTits · 14/10/2010 13:27

shes probably off having a kip while you lot are aruging about nannies