To be really fucked off with my family.

[Huskyflodynamo]

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

@mixofmanc ..... I don't get it .... I pay for domestic help ..... not a problem, why should OP slag family off for not providing services FOC?

Like your nickname vinegar!

She's probably gone off to write her 'triumph over adversity' novel which will one day be turned into the Hollywood blockbuster: I Had A Really Really Bad Cold, Honest Not a Normal Cold Like Anyone Else Has Ever Had, Really Very Bad - But Survived.

Thank you to all those who have prevented me from explaining why I gave the comparison, because I might just have lost my patience.

Thanks also to those who also gave comparisons (I guess you're all guilty of making "unhelpful" "stupid irrelevant comparisons" too).

"Acute illness"!

Pathetic!

All this week DS (2.10) and I have been ill. MIL has been over every single day to help out, including taking us to the hospital on Monday (for DS, not me). DH has been ill too but caught it later - and has not stayed home from work, has just let his mum do all the "rescue" work.

MIL is now unwell herself, having caught the same virus off us (it appears to be an adenovirus, rather than "just" a cold/flu) - and you can just bet DH won't consider going to help her if I don't push him into it! If he won't go, then I will, when I can drive again (too wobbly-legged at the mo) - but I don't want DS picking it up again.

I am not gloating - just showing that some parents/family do make the effort to help out when you are ill.

yes some parents do help put when they can and when it is as bad as a virus. this is one day of a cold and the rest of teh family ahev things arranged.

Yanbu. My family help me when I'm sick.

And I help them out when I can.

Works both ways, its pretty reasonable if you live in the same town IMO.

Firstly I may have relied on my mil is that a bad thing ?and back to the subject some of you are bunch of bitches that obviously don't really need help from anyone cause your so amazing if comments like that were passed around like that at our parent and baby group you would get a slap in return EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO FEEL SORRY FOR THEMSELVES ONCE IN A WHILE SO STOP BEING SO NASTY

Her first baby is 6 months old and she is feeling sorry for heslf. It is allowed you knmow!
I think that lots of people assume their families will help them out more than they will. It's a learning curve.

MM- I don't understand why you told me to fuck off, could you explain?

he he

this reminds me of the thread ages ago when the OP thought she could ring her HV to find someone to mind her DC as she was wasnt feeling very well

I don't think anyone is being a martyr here.

We are just saying that if your family are unable to help you out then you have to just get on with it - there is no choice - you can't just abandon your baby and hop into bed.

I think the issue here has been overlooked is that the OP is upset with her family for not cancelling their plans to help out.

OP do you think that your family may have declined to help because they don't think you really need help? I am sure that if you had called your mum and told her that you had broken your leg or something, then she would be over in a flash.

Totally agree that this thread has become an example of competitive misery!

Hope you feel better soon, OP. It's horrible feeling poorly when you have a demanding baby to look after and no one to help. My DH works long hours and I don't have family locally to help either - it is hard but a cold is temporary and you will start to feel better soon and then things will seem easier.

By the way, I don't think YABU to want some help from family, but YABU to expect people (your sisters) to drop things for you. I literally had NO idea at all about any of this stuff till I had a baby!

ineedtoget

read my post again. i said you may have depended on her too much if you are now lost without her. you shouldn't need so much help from you mil that you can't get on without her.

AND STOP SHOUTING

mrsruffalo yes lots of people do assume theri family will help out. that doesn't make the family wrong for not helping. teh person taht assumes is wrong for assuming.

Gosh Husky you shouldnt have posted in AIBU
It gives posters an excuse to make nasty to the point comments. I think they would all feel much happier if you had 3 DC under 4, were a single mother and had swine flu!

I think YANBU to expect a little bit of help from your family. You asked 3 relatives for help for an hour, and they all said no! Think thats really mean to be honest.

I had my MIL living near me when DC were young. She would drop everything to help me out.

Just do nothing today other than the bare minimum and then get an early night.

"ineedtogetoftheinternet"

Think you better.

ineed, that slap wuldn't have been given to me. No fecker would dare. I have never attended a parent and toddler group in my life. I clearly mix with a different type of person.

(You mentioned bitches... now that's bitchy!).

Anyhooo, IMO the OP is BVU to be "fucked off with" her family.

Still.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for help from family but I do think YABU to be so harsh about them when they can't help.

I have had a little chuckle about asking DH to stay at home. How on earth do you explain that absence? I get annual leave and I think there's an allowance of 3 days compassionate leave for illness/emergency but I doubt my boss would see a partner's cold being an emergency.

Hope you feel better after a rest. Colds are awful

Husky,

You poor thing! I am with you. If you are really shivering, it sound like you have more than a cold and, add a sleepless night, and you must be feeling v miserable.

Of course we have all done it as parents. We do what we have to BUT it does not make it a lot of fun and now add a bunch of MN bullies and that must make you feel even worse.

And, as for your sisters being busy, well, both their events are cancellable, especially the wedding show (about as naff an event as I can imagine). I think that, if you have had the kind of relationship where you regularly help one another out, but they are not there for you this time, you are dead right to be annoyed. On the other hand, if you have not, I guess help is a luxury, not a right.

Anyway, a place called Mumsnet should be somewhere you can vent a little fury when you are sleepless and unwell, without getting crucified for it.

To evil witches: do your families even talk to you xx sorry to the normal people

LOl at Vinny

But seriously poor OP. I feel dreadful too and have 2 children at home and bloody boiler has broken - hows that for competitive illing

But just take some drugs, snuggle up and do nothing else bar the bare minimum.

Cbeebies is on here and its m&s fish pie for the children's dinner.

Hope you feel better soon

it's MY opinion! Your opinion doesn't make it true either - just what you think. But I'm free to say what I like. We don't need you telling us what we can & can't say or think I don't think you actually know the mother do you boooooooooooo?

a wedding event might be naff to you larry but to the OP's sister she could be planning her friend's wedding, tehy might have booked days off work to do it on this day as the event is only running for a certain length of time.

ineedtoget your MIL must have been a really lovely person, so many people obviously loved her to bits.

My MIL is the same, I know I will copy her example and be there for my DDs and their families when they are older.

OP Yabvu to expect your family to cancel their plans, its not as if they were doing nothing they said they had actual plans so to cancel it just to come to yours for an hour is a bit much. As others have said you could just sit on sofa with your baby and watch tv or something, atleast he is not running around the house or begging for you to take him out, and at 6 months at least he will be having a nap? so try to look @ the positive, have a nice hot drink and some biscuit or something and just dont expect too much of yourself from the day, forget the housework cooking etc, just do the most essential things and dont feel bitter against your family you did ask @ last minute when they have plans and its only a cold, im sure you will cope and if you still not feeling well tomorrow and they are free maybe they will come round to see you then