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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified at this 'Kids in care' documentary?!

176 replies

TanteAC · 05/10/2010 21:49

Have never posted in AIBU bfore, but would be really interested to hear what you think as I am really astonished at how one social worker is talking to a troubled teen?

Some of them are obviously doing a great job in difficult circumstances, but the man who is dealing with the teenage boy needs to realise how bloody vulnerable and cornered some of these kids must feel!

Am not a social worker or anything which is why I think I may be BU, but saying to a kid who has just looked at his whole family at his mum's wedding when he couldn't go, had only 2 hours with his little sister and then got upset that he couldn't have contact when he wanted that he 'keeps moving the goalposts and asking for more and more' is horrible and not very insightful?!

Of course he is angry and upset - and of course he wants more, he is entitled to want more! Angry Not always possible, and I appreciate the circumstances but frickin' hell!

So - anyone else watching? AIBU to think that this particualer social worker should communicate better with teens he works with and stop making it seem like the child is being unreasonable? Seems like that reaction was inevitable to me...

OP posts:
southeastastra · 05/10/2010 21:52

i really feel sorry for connor too, it's so sad :(

Mammie81 · 05/10/2010 21:52

That guy has absolutely no idea of how that boy must be feeling, no wonder he lashed out.

DP thinks the kid went too far attacking the car but I felt so sorry for that poor lad Sad

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 05/10/2010 21:54

I only came in at that bit, but it seemed like he couldn't deliver what Conor wanted so what was he supposed to do?

ChippingIn · 05/10/2010 21:54

I actually think he's doing a brilliant 'job' with Connor. I think that one comment was a little harsh, but at the same time, I'm not entirely sure there was anything he could have said that would have helped.

It's all so sad....

I want to pick the little Connor up and bring him home... as well as Shannon.... this is why I'm not a social worker - I'd run out of room in my house!

It makes you want to slap the bloody parents.

muminthemiddle · 05/10/2010 21:57

It really does make you want to slap the parents, absolutely no need for all this in 2010. Use bloody contraception ffs.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 05/10/2010 21:57

Yes, my anger is directed at the parents not the social worker. Utterly tragic for these kids - I despair Sad.

LadyBiscuit · 05/10/2010 21:57

Shannon moving onto her 6th placement. That poor fucking kid :(

And I just want to hug Connor.

ChippingIn · 05/10/2010 21:57

I was holding it all together until the woman had to leave Shannon at her 6th Foster Care placement - now crying....

I'm not tough enough for Foster Care.

ApocalypseCheese · 05/10/2010 21:58

I know, poor kid Sad

jaffacake2 · 05/10/2010 21:59

Its really sad for children in care but sometimes the alternative of staying with their own family is much worse.
This programme is just a snapshot of what is and has happened to the children.We dont really know the reasons behind the social workers comments.We dont know what Connors family is really like.
These decisions arent taken lightly or by one individual.They have been decided in court by a judge who has the facts to try and work out what is in the childs best interests and what is safe for them.
Its not perfect mistakes may be made but some parents should never have children and they are better off in care.

ApocalypseCheese · 05/10/2010 22:00

And that poor little boy, oh I hope his foster carers adopt him, I want to scoop him up and take him home Sad

Daydreaming · 05/10/2010 22:00

Me too Chipping. I just burst out crying.

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 05/10/2010 22:00

Said at the end she is doing well in her placement - fingers crossed she carries on making a success of it.

As for little Connor, I so hope his foster parents change their mind Blush.

bulby · 05/10/2010 22:03

Op you are YABU but that is why you and I are not social workers. We cannot get a few minutes tv look into these people and their jobs and decide they are/are not doing it correctly, at face value the comments seem terrible but it most be so frustrating for the social worker to make all the effort to have it thrown back. If you want to get annoyed with anyone it should be the people who mean he's screwed up in the first place.

Original poster
TanteAC · 05/10/2010 22:04

I know - a lot to cope with at an age that is hard enough when you have everything Sad

I just think that he backed a teenage boy into a corner. Of course what he did in attacking his car was wrong, but could any adult not have seen that coming a mile off and diffused it?

He could have been more understanding and positive and understood that Connor is desperate to have what's 'normal' and not made him seem like he was asking for the earth!

Seemed all a bit 'me me me working with these difficult kids' rather than someone letting him vent a bit and then giving him a way out.

Ah, I don't know, just made me feel a bit Confused that his communication style seemed as though he expected an awkward, humiliated and hurt teen to thank everyone pofusely - or instantly apologise and smile when he approached him later

Maybe am being a bit harsh Blush

Don't actually know what I feel about these kid being filmed in the first place...

OP posts:
iliketosleep · 05/10/2010 22:05

You know what pissed me off about it, Connor's mum had another child that gets to live with her and Shannon's mum has a tattoo on her left arm that looks like DOB of her dc the last one was 2008. Why the fuck would you go on to have more kids if you can't/won't look after the ones you already have!!!!!!!!! Angry

I adored little Connor too :)

Original poster
TanteAC · 05/10/2010 22:07

And also, just wanted to add of course the social workers wouldn't have to do such a hard job if some people had been doing their own 'jobs' of looking after their kids properly. Sad

Am not disagreeing with his care or the decisions, btw

OP posts:
dolphin13 · 05/10/2010 22:08

I thought the SW was doing a great job. He had to be honest with Conner.

We went through all the same feelings about age when we fostered our now adopted (by us) DD. Hopefully as we did the family will adopt him because sadly if something doesn't happen soon it will be to late and he will stay in long term care Sad

We have a "Shannon" with us at the moment. She has been missing for 2 days now despite telling her teachers she really liked living with us. These children are so desperately mixed up it's so hard to work out what you can say to get through to them.

mumbar · 05/10/2010 22:11

I cried too Sad

Wanted to reach into the TV and get Connor and bring him home here Sad

Very difficult tho being a SW with teens, they've probably had to toughen up. A real eye opener programme. Sad

FlyingInTheCLouds · 05/10/2010 22:11

he was sad and that made him angry, something the SW should be better trained on.

also noy sure such vulnerable kids should be on the telly.

Wasnt the big connor lovely with his little sis.

kittya · 05/10/2010 22:12

Shannons mother came over all falsely concerned about her wellbeing. I bloody hate that.

salizchap · 05/10/2010 22:12

I found the whole thing very tragic. I thought that social worker did very well actually. He seemed to genuinely care about the lad, and really upset about the whole outburst. I would find that really hard to deal with.

Slambang · 05/10/2010 22:12

The social worker was only 21 years old himself - how could he possibly be experienced and wise enough to deal with such complex and F$$ked up emotions?

And was anyone else shocked that they decided to prosecute Connor for the attack on the car? Yes it was wrong but would a parent have prosecuted their own child for the same outburst?

mumbar · 05/10/2010 22:13

Oh Hi Dolphin, was thinking about you the whole way through the programme, How are you????

MrsMorgan · 05/10/2010 22:14

I thought big Connor's SW was doing his best. He could have walked away after he attack but he didn't.

Anyone else think Shannons new foster parents looked scared to death ? I dont blame them though. I struggle with my own 13yr old.

If someone would grant me one wish right now i'd wish for little Connor's foster family to adopt him, because I cannot imagine how they are going to move him on without breaking his heart and causing permanent damage.