to be horrified at this 'Kids in care' documentary?!

[TanteAC]

Have never posted in AIBU bfore, but would be really interested to hear what you think as I am really astonished at how one social worker is talking to a troubled teen?

Some of them are obviously doing a great job in difficult circumstances, but the man who is dealing with the teenage boy needs to realise how bloody vulnerable and cornered some of these kids must feel!

Am not a social worker or anything which is why I think I may be BU, but saying to a kid who has just looked at his whole family at his mum's wedding when he couldn't go, had only 2 hours with his little sister and then got upset that he couldn't have contact when he wanted that he 'keeps moving the goalposts and asking for more and more' is horrible and not very insightful?!

Of course he is angry and upset - and of course he wants more, he is entitled to want more! Not always possible, and I appreciate the circumstances but frickin' hell!

So - anyone else watching? AIBU to think that this particualer social worker should communicate better with teens he works with and stop making it seem like the child is being unreasonable? Seems like that reaction was inevitable to me...

Thank you mumbar for something uplifting to read about people doing a good job with these difficult kids. I suppose the big problem with the care system is that there are more damaged children than there are people with the talents and will to devote their lives to trying to help.

Tante - your point about responsibility only goes so far, though. Shannon's mother had grown up in care herself. Presumably a very damaged childhood. Same must apply to a lot of families whose children end up in care - very troubled, I'd imagine. It must be hellishly difficult to break out of a cycle where you've had crap parenting yourself - although of course it is possible.

A positive story of things getting better over three generations: my stepmother was brought up in a dirt-poor family, with an extremely violent father and a nasty dynamic where she was the Cinderella, expected to look after everyone else and constantly put down and criticised. Made to leave school at 15 so she could earn money to support her drunken layabout father. She got away as fast as she could. A couple of years later her father finally succeeded in killing her poor mother. The two youngest boys were still at home when this happened.

She tried very hard to be a good mother to my half-sister, but sadly suffered some kind of very serious breakdown after my father divorced her. Eventually my half-sister ran away to my other sister, and ended up living with our Dad. Her mother got better, ended up doing quite well professionally and personally, and although not the easiest person in the world all the time, is now a devoted grandmother.

My littlest sister now has two children of her own and is a pretty darn wonderful mother. Her children will be absolutely fine and are having an entirely normal childhood.

From appalling brutal misery to mixed up to absolutely fine can be done - but it took three generations.

Did not manage to see this but will try. I grew up in care as did my husband to be. We broke the cycle in one generation . The buck stops here! It is very hard to try and turn oneself into a normal person, you never quite know how people are going to take you and I refuse to hide my part as im proud of myself. And my partner. I hardly know anyone who grew up in care but the ones I do are complete fuck ups. But then I know more fuck ups who had parents and family!
Not all foster parents and childrens home carers are saints though I would like to say. Im sick of being made to feel that I should be eternally grateful for people rescuing me from some depraved gutter. I deserve the same right to a family as any other child.

I hope life works out ok for those kids and society treats them kindly. I shall watch with interest.

2 days later and I'm still thinking about this.

Particularly about little Connor, I want to know what happened, he can't be allowed to be lost in the system.

Watching him helping put the milk in the fridge, being tucked into bed, being given a cuddle etc. he was just so happy to be part of a family, it broke my heart.

I keep thinking about it too :( I have always been so keen to foster, long term, short term, middle of the night emergency... I have 3 DSs though under 5 and really don't think they will have me, which is a shame because although I don't have a decent size house and garden etc. I have lots of love :(

asecretlemonadedrinker If you have a spare room and your youngest DS is at least two I'm sure they would considor you.

You know, a couple of the care staff in the home I lived in were like Connor's Social Worker, and they were, by far, the best ones I had ever met.

I got on so much better with them than my 'actual' social worker who made me feel so uneasy.

I'm glad this programme was on, to show people that being in care isnt all fun and games.

Living in a care home is fucking shite at the best of times, so they need more social workers to be easy easygoing and on the young adult's level.

''sorry, but a 21yr old should NOT be a social worker working with such agressive cases.
''

Erm.....why on earth not??????

Age doesnt come into it. At all.

Youngest is 12w.

Who works in care homes and what qualifications do they have etc ?

Residential support workers (RSW)don't necessarily need to be qualified in anything - although when you start you need to be willing to do an NVQ3 in children & Young people. Some RSW's have SW degree's ...some psychology/counselling etc. I interview RSW's and in our LA we use the Warner interviews which is an extremely helpful tool. We look for people who understand themselves and why they are who they are ...sometimes over qualifications.
Unfortunately the LA have got rid of most of their council run homes ...leaving it open to the private sector and their crap wages ...you pay crap you will in general get crap.

I work in London and our RSW's get around 26k in a private home down the road they will be earning 16k ...if they are lucky...the staff will be working in poorer conditions and the kids living in poorer conditions.

The reason the care system fails so many kids (or partly) is because there are too many kids in care that just shouldn't be there !! The care system was set up and designed to care for children & young people at risk ... at risk from CP issues (neglect, sexual abuse etc.) NOT for kids who's parents just cant handle them! (usually because of their own poor parenting - although this isn't always the case). I know that these children are also at risk because of their up bringing ...but it is a different type of risk and not what the care system was designed for and nor can it cope with it.

Teenagers are being remanded to the LA and end up in bed which could and should be filled by children at real risk. You are getting a kid who has been sexually abused and removed from their home living with kids who are on the verge of going to young offenders prison for drugs or violence. They should be being mixed... because the children at real risk are so vulnerable the other kids behaviours rub off on them and then you get a whole house of them not going to school / doing drugs/ prostitution/staying out all night etc..

I don't have the answers ...

They shouldn't be being mixed...

manda , do you mean they should "not" be mixed?
i have experience of the care system , and i thought the programme showed a fairly typical mix of circumstances, eg emergency care, long term care, and homes
there are not that many homes now , to what there was some years back, and they do still strive to keep children at home
social workers seem to be to be in a lose lose situation, it is a very hard job,and there are some excellent ones.
it was sad though.

ok, xpost :-)

There is no qualification specifically in residential children's care- although I believe there is now one in Scotland?

Perhaps someone else will know more?

Children's Homes are regulated by OFSTED - Under the National Minimum care standards at least 80% of staff should hold (or be studying for) the NVQ3 CCYP

Am I right in thinking that the NVQ is not specifically residential care though?

I also find it staggering that NVQ level three is the highest relevant qualification (in England). IME, many residential staff go on to train as SWs because there is no opportunity to progress within the residential care field.

The role of the RSW just doesn't seem to be valued or rewarded at all...

This program was quite sad. However, I felt it presented quite a sanitised version of reality. There are hundreds of little Conors out there. Most grow up into boys like big Conor. I have met lots and lots of them over the years.

I have not read this whole thread but for those of you that felt sorry for Connor for not being able to go to his mothers wedding, there will have been reasons. I can think of many. It is never as simple as it looks. Please don't underestimate what a difficult job those people are doing. Being good at it has nothing to do with qualifications either.

Tether - correct the NVQ isn't specifically for residential staff...and totally agree with the rest of your above post... especially in the private homes.

this article made me think

I belive that the Social Pedagogy model used widely in Europe is much better. A lot of people woudl be glad to see it used in this country, however it costs money, which I am pretty sure means it won't happen, well not at the moment anyway.

I am wanting to be RSW. But I am going down the ATHE route and then uni for SW as adviced.

Huge respect for foster carers and the social workers in the prog. Agreed the guy with Connor needs to get a bit ore experienced. Didn't like his approach - think he as trying to be tough and realistic and came across as insensitive and patronising.

Ridiculous that IF little Connor's family wanted to adopt they couldn't. How absurd.

Sadly this programme didn't shock me at all or make me bat an eyelid. I'm a solicitor and I did a stint in family law when I was a trainee, plently of care work.

When I saw that programme, I thought that I'd seen far worse. Which is pretty bad. You become immune to it when you deal with it day in, day out and that's perhaps not a good thing.

I watched the advert and thought what a nasty boy. But after watching the program I can understand a teenager who can't see his family who he adores and when he gets his hopes up the state can't take him because they are too busy doing what he did. I would smash stuff up throw strops, kick and scream and IM 26. I feel so sorry for these kids no wounder they turn to drink and drugs.