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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my son the truth?

248 replies

MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:32

Evening ladies,
Here is my predicament. I know most of you go ott about christmas, however, as born again Christians my dh and I don't want to tell our son about father Christmas, a) because it's lying and b) because we think Christmas is an important celebration in itself.
My mother, also a born again Christian, has said that it isn't fair and I should lead my son down the father Christmas path.
We obviously exchange gifts, but we also sacrifice something to the relevant place (eg a console to the childrens' wing of the hospital etc) and we sacrifice something of use to us that we could do without and someone else can benefit from. My son is only 8 months old but I am seriously considering home schooling, so it's not as if he can "ruin" it for the other children...but I don't feel comfortable with lying about something that is so important to us (this is in no way criticising those of you that do).

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 03/10/2010 18:34

You are off your rocker!

DuelingFanjo · 03/10/2010 18:35

Do what you think is best.

As an Atheist I feel differently but it's up to you if you want to have it as just a christian festival and everyone agrees with you then it shouldn't be a problem.

DetectivePotato · 03/10/2010 18:35

How are you going to avoid it? Keep him locked up? Father Christmas is everywhere at Christmas.

I think you are being over the top about the whole 'lying' thing. Its just a bit of fun until they get older to know different.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 03/10/2010 18:37

Didn't the three wise men bring gifts to the baby Jesus? You can't hide him away from the world, it's not healthy, christmas as the UK knows it will be everywhere. What are you going to do? Not watch the TV or take him shopping?

choufleur · 03/10/2010 18:38

Are you not doing the tooth fairy, easter bunny (probably not i guess) or any other made up characters?

Part of the joy of Christmas is your children get excited about Father Christmas and the wonder in their faces when there are presents under the tree on Christmas morning.

You could still give things to the hospital etc and have Father Christmas.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 03/10/2010 18:38

x-post with Potato. Smile

fryalot · 03/10/2010 18:38

hi,

we're not christians of any kind (as atheist as they come!) but this is an issue of contention in hour household as well - dp thinks we should tell the children the truth - that we go out and buy their presents and that father christmas doesn't exist.

I think that we should let them have a bit of magic in their lives because it doesn't last for long and there's no harm in it.

We haven't come to a conclusion, but as the youngest is now five we're getting to the stage where he'll figure it out anyway without dp actually putting it into words.

As your ds is so young, I wouldn't worry too much about what to tell him just yet, talk to your dh and do what feels right to you both as a family but if you do tell him that father christmas isn't real, perhaps tell him when he starts mixing with other children that some people believe this, just as you will (I presume) be telling him that other people have different beliefs than you and he must respect those beliefs etc.

Katisha · 03/10/2010 18:39

It's not lying. It's a convention. He will work it out for himself by the time he is about 6 anyway.
Don't stress about it.
(I am also a Christian, and haven't found that DSs realising there is no Father Christmas also means they think there is no God, if that's what you are worried about. Although if they do arrive at that conclusion later in life, then that will be up to them.)

Whippoorwhill · 03/10/2010 18:40

Surely you can tell your son exactly what we told our children about Christianity? It's an myth that some people believe in but our family doesn't.

ethelina · 03/10/2010 18:41

My sister's a born again christian and she thinks you're off your rocker too.

BeenBeta · 03/10/2010 18:41

Not sure exactly why you think would be lying?

Could you not tell DS about Father Christmas in the context of the life of St Nicholas and bring in the Christian dimension of the birth of Jesus and the gifts from the Wise Men to the baby?

That would seem to me to be a set of truths about Christmas we could all do to pay a little more attention to.

Gigantaur · 03/10/2010 18:41

i don't see what the problem is.

If you don't wish to tell him his presents come from FC then don't.

when he is older and asks who he is - because school or no school he will get to hear about him.you can explain that there was a man many many years ago who gave presents at christmas who was then sainted called Saint nicolas. People still celebrate this tradition by exchanging gifts.

there is no need to lie and no need to make such a big deal out of it

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:41

Oh no we DO do gifts!! (and for the record, it doesn't say there were 3 wisemen, it says there were 3 gifts). Easter is about the resurrection of Christ, we do an "egg hunt" but without chocolate, we use small gifts as I don't think feeding too much chocolate to 6 kids (neices and nephews) is too much fun for the adults. I know he'll see images of father Christmas, but that doesn't mean too much...I see father Christmas everywhere but I don't believe in him...plus he's being raised in the church etc so I mean he'll be getting the true meaning. I can't exclude him from being exposed to things and I don't intend to , I believe in free will and letting him choose, but until he's old enough I'm responsible!?

OP posts:
onimolap · 03/10/2010 18:42

You could tell him that the popular Father Christmas is a corruption of St Nicholas, and that he's special because you celebrate on his real feast day - he could bring chocolate sardines, or you could make your own thus starting your own individual family tradition.

Are you going to expunge the tooth fairy too? Or can you stomach a bit of longstanding "magic" if you can find a way to distance it from the other aspects of celebration?

Mumcentreplus · 03/10/2010 18:42

Just tell him the truth...it wont kill him..your beliefs are what they are.. children will experience many different cultures and opinions in life...my DDs know FC is not real...do what you think is best for your family at the end of the day we are just a bunch of people on tinternet..

Hulababy · 03/10/2010 18:43

It isn't lying. It is a story. I assume you will share fairy stories and the like with your child? It is no different IMO.

There are several children who grow up not knowing about FC. That is fine. You tell your chil that some people belive in xxx and that is fine, but you belive in yyy and that is also fine. but you also tell your child that it isn't right to tell the others that xxx is wrong and only yyy is right - because that is unkind and not fair to them. Treat it as yiou would do any belief, be in eligious or not.

BTW - it is entirely possible to combine FC and the christian meaning of Christmas. Millions iof people manage to combine the two very well.

But you are fine to tell your child what you like about FC - but make sure s/he knows that they alo need to respect other people's beliefs too.

Tootlesmummy · 03/10/2010 18:44

Yes you're religious beliefs are right and you can explain that to your child as he grows up but father christmas is a little bit of fun and I think you should allow him to enjoy that personally.
However, it's your decision and you should only do it if you see it as fun.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:44

I'm not worried that he'll believe in father Christmas INSTEAD of God, I just think he'll get confused as to why we will be celebrating the way we are...bearing in mind we do everything everyone else does at Christmas, just we make it about the birth of Christ.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 03/10/2010 18:44

why is OP off her rocker??..

fryalot · 03/10/2010 18:45

um... don't all christians make it about the birth of Christ?

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:47

I'd never encourage him to be rude to people and their beliefs, I don't do it and don't intend on making him to. I respect other religions and beliefs despite thinking they're wrong but I'm not horrible about it...just let people get on. As for the tooth fairy...there will be no fairy, but the exchange of teeth for something will be acceptable.
As for "fairy stories" he is read bible stories mainly, but he's so young right now. I don't know what to think about fictional story reading like Hansel and Grettle etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:48

Why is the OP off her rocker indeed?

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:49

squonk...you'd be surprised, the "christians" who get their children christened (against the bible) aren't always the "christians" to celebrate Christ at Christmas/Easter, or every day of their lives...but I don't really want to judge or make preconceptions about religion on this thread..

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 03/10/2010 18:49

It's not the end of the world if he doesn't believe in FC. I assume, in a Christian house, Christmas will still be very special for him.

As long as, when he is older you teach him to be respectful of others who do believe, it is fine IMO.

He's a bit young to be worrying about it don't you think though? Not really an issue until they are 3ish.

Lonnie · 03/10/2010 18:50

WE have father christmas coming in our household he arrives with the stocking (not the big gifts) and whilst I have a religious belief dh hasnt.

my father put it well when I worked out the truth about FC

"No he doesnt excist but what he stands for being kind giving caring and loving each other that is very real and that is inside each of us and that is part of what we give when we allow the spirit of father christmas into our life"

I belive Jesus said to love and care..

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