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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my son the truth?

248 replies

MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:32

Evening ladies,
Here is my predicament. I know most of you go ott about christmas, however, as born again Christians my dh and I don't want to tell our son about father Christmas, a) because it's lying and b) because we think Christmas is an important celebration in itself.
My mother, also a born again Christian, has said that it isn't fair and I should lead my son down the father Christmas path.
We obviously exchange gifts, but we also sacrifice something to the relevant place (eg a console to the childrens' wing of the hospital etc) and we sacrifice something of use to us that we could do without and someone else can benefit from. My son is only 8 months old but I am seriously considering home schooling, so it's not as if he can "ruin" it for the other children...but I don't feel comfortable with lying about something that is so important to us (this is in no way criticising those of you that do).

OP posts:
Hulababy · 03/10/2010 19:05

Can I just add something on the whole "they belive..we believe" but.

Is it not better to say that "mummy and daddy belive this; others believe that" and then that you, as a child, an also decide what you believe in - because you, even as a child, are an indidivual and can learn about things and begin to make your own choices.

My DH isn't religious at all I kind of have beliefs but nothing stong and I don;t go to chiurch, etc. My DD does go to a faith school though and does have beliefs. We discuss things as a family and discuss lots of POV. She is now 8y and knows her own mind - IMO, just as she is entitled too.

fryalot · 03/10/2010 19:05

I s'post that depends on your interpretation of the word "truth" - I believe (haven't read it all) that the bible contradicts itself quite a lot, so therefore as a christian, you must either choose the bits you want to believe in, or accept that it's not all true.

I'm not trying to be inflammatory, but not sure I can agree that your religion advocates truth.

Hulababy · 03/10/2010 19:06

It is NOT a lie. It is a story.

As I have said efore there are millions of people all over the world who manage to have FC and Christianity in their lives.

Vallhala · 03/10/2010 19:06

"Vallhala... you stupid earth mother hippy".

How nice. That's VERY Christian! Hmm

If that's the kind of tolerance your religion teaches I'll pass, thank you very much.

And FWIW you couldn't be further from the truth. Stupid - that's your opinion. But earth mother? PMSL... you couldn't possibly be further from the truth.

Hassled · 03/10/2010 19:07

We're not suggesting you believe in a lie, we're suggesting you let your son enjoy the magic of the Father Christmas myth for the few short years that it lasts, in keeping with the culture and society in which you live. I don't understand at all how you see it as a conflict with your faith.

Do you never lie to be polite? Do you never lie at all? If you follow your logic, all story telling is lying. But of course it's not - it's exciting and interesting and magical.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:09

Perhaps not on this thread but I'd be happy to take anyone up who thinks the bible is a huge contradiction. I'm happy to explain. And as a Christian, and as most of you are intelligent, I'd like to add that "Magic" is something we don't promote. So a little bit of magic is not something I'll be indulging in...and I'm afraid to the majority of Christians, FC does not symbolise Christ being born.

Evangelists and "original Christians"???
WOuld you mind elaborating perhaps in a PM?

OP posts:
MilkNoSugarPlease · 03/10/2010 19:10

"Vallhala... you stupid earth mother hippy". !?!

how lovely Hmm

bet jesus would be proud of ya!

Mumcentreplus · 03/10/2010 19:10

I just dont see the point or the 'magic' of FC...its just fake commercial rubbish..

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:10

Vallhala, a)it was typed in humour (I'm sure I could come up with worse things should I want to be hurtful) b)I believe it was you who started with making it personal and after your HUGE rant about dogs, what else am I supposed to believe?

However apologies if I genuinely offended you.

OP posts:
greenbananas · 03/10/2010 19:11

OP, I was brought up in a Christian household and my dad felt much the same way you do. He refused to lie to us and said that we would feel confused and betrayed if he told us to believe in something that wasn't real.

We were told that Father Christmas is just a story and that Jesus is real. We loved playing Father Christmas games. We wrote letters to Father Christmas every year, in the full knowledge that he didn't exist, and we posted them. It was all a big joke and we enjoyed it hugely. Every Christmas Eve, my mum recited The Night before Christmas (long poem about a visit from Father Christmas) and we went through the rigmarole of leaving a mince pie and a glass of whisky on a table by the chimney for Father Christmas and a carrot for Rudolph. Every Christmas morning, we found a letter which was clearly in my dad's handwriting, only slightly disguised.

I'm really glad my dad took the approach he did. As I got older, it was the starting point for all sorts of discussions about the ways that other Christmas traditions have come about. I think it's so tragic when children are disappointed to discover that Father Christmas isn't real and then decide that the story of the baby Jesus is similarly mythical.

fryalot · 03/10/2010 19:11

when posters have used the word "magic" I don't think they meant spells and witches and warlocks and curses and stuff, I think they just mean the absolute wonder of your child's face on Christmas morning when he or she realises how special he or she is to have been given such wonderful presents

That's magical, regardless of your faith

FanjolinaJolie · 03/10/2010 19:12

My good friend and her DH are Christian but also let (if that's the right word) their 4yo DS enjoy the Father Christmas aspect of Christmas and we have been together to visit Santa in his grotto etc.

I'm not entirely sure how she has chosen to explain this to him, but I think the main message she encourages is the birth of Jesus.

How are you going to approach other similar issues such as tooth fairy/easter bunny?

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:12

It's ok ladies erm I'm not sure how to end the thread or if it just keeps on rolling on forever more, but thanks to those that were in fact genuine and offering points of view, all taken on board :)

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 03/10/2010 19:12

Oh yeah..being Christian makes you perfect too..turn the other cheek an that

pointydog · 03/10/2010 19:13

yanbu to tell your son that there is no santa. I see no harm in either believing or not beleiving in santa when little.

piscesmoon · 03/10/2010 19:13

I believe in giving DCs magic. I am very grateful that my parents gave it to me. Nothing can beat the joy of thinking that Father Christmas is on the roof! In no way is it lying-I didn't see it like that when I found out the truth at 6 yrs. I am still a firm believer in giving Father Christmas to children.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:15

mumcentreplus you make me smile :o

OP posts:
Kathyjelly · 03/10/2010 19:15

MP, do you not understand that there is plenty of time for your DC to deal with the stark realities of the world later. Childhood is supposed to be a magical time when you are spared all that and just allowed to have fun, like getting excited about what FC will bring.

He'll realise it's just a myth at about 5 anyway so why would you deny him such a simple and harmless excitement?

toddlerama · 03/10/2010 19:16

We are born again Christians and we tell our kids that FC is a fun game we play. They know it's pretend, but it's still fun. I wouldn't tell them something was really when it wasn't. People may consider that extreme, but I hope they can trust me that everything I tell them, I believe to be true. It doesn't have to be either/or on things like santa, tooth fairy - they're games that I enjoyed as a child way past the age of actually thinking they were real, so why not enjoy them on that basis from the start?

Anyway, that's just how we've approached it. I know loads of other families with the same beliefs as our who handle it completely differently and their kids are fine and all enjoy the festivities in their own ways. Make your own traditions if you are uncomfortable with what others do!

I have to say though, that we have told our girls that they absolutely do not spoil the fun for other children who might think it is real, as they might be very upset. So far, no issues. But they're still young. I can just imagine the patronising looks they will exchange over my mum who still refers to FC as real to me and my sisters (I'm 29, bless her heart!).

BrightLightBrightLight · 03/10/2010 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prozacfairy · 03/10/2010 19:17

YABU imo because way I see it, father christmas is a harmless christmas tradition and a story. By that logic I should stop reading DD her Gruffalo book if only because you know, it's lying Hmm

Like others have said, Santa is hard to avoid, his image is everywhere. My DD is 3 now so this year is the first year she will really understand that much.

scurryfunge · 03/10/2010 19:17

I think if you are going to tell him there is no Santa then you need to be honest with him and yourself about the other great whopping lie you are supporting.

wouldliketoknow · 03/10/2010 19:17

dear op, you won't happened to be a catholic? because if you are, you are way off the wagon, catholics celebrate the wise men on 6th of january when children get their presents, they believe they are real until they are old enough to know better, and this is in catholic countries as spain and italy, you don't get more christian than that, father christmas, called there papa noel, is getting a good start there leaving them presents on the 24th of december, so many kids get presents twice over christmas, nobody have any issues with this interfering with the real meanning of christmas...they just go to church a lot over that period, so chill.

pointydog · 03/10/2010 19:17

Hang on, though. Refusing to read Potter is atrying into irrational behaviour territory. Noit letting your child read Potter is irrational, over-anxious, insecure behaviour.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:18

KathyJelly, It's just down to what the world sees as fun and exciting. Gifts as a child should be exciting regardless, right? But to say that my ds should be getting excited about a lie, when there is a perfectly decent truth (hesitation with the inverted commas for the atheists) that is exciting in its own right? I didn't think it would be such a big deal until my mother brought it to my attention tbh.

OP posts: