to tell my son the truth?

[MuddlePuddle86]

Evening ladies,
Here is my predicament. I know most of you go ott about christmas, however, as born again Christians my dh and I don't want to tell our son about father Christmas, a) because it's lying and b) because we think Christmas is an important celebration in itself.
My mother, also a born again Christian, has said that it isn't fair and I should lead my son down the father Christmas path.
We obviously exchange gifts, but we also sacrifice something to the relevant place (eg a console to the childrens' wing of the hospital etc) and we sacrifice something of use to us that we could do without and someone else can benefit from. My son is only 8 months old but I am seriously considering home schooling, so it's not as if he can "ruin" it for the other children...but I don't feel comfortable with lying about something that is so important to us (this is in no way criticising those of you that do).

Your son will have to face up to none Christian things in the outside world soon enough, so why not just teach him your beliefs and ignore the other things? - such as halloween, santa claus, tooth fairy etc.

Your son will learn what's important.

We're Christians and we don't do halloween or stuff like that and our kids never mention it, they just don't take any interest. My youngest occasionally mentions santa, but we don't chat about it as a family and he soon forgets and my eldest is old enough to know that santa doesn't exist anyway. As for the tooth fairy, that's not a problem because some of his children's books have things about fairys, elves and goblins, they're just part of a normal childhood and totally non-threatening.

I am a christian as are my brother and sister. Wehave always gone down the Father Chritmas route. Well what I mean by that we tell our children ( well did when they were younger). That stocking stuff comes from Father Christmas all other presnts come from us and other relatives.
We have all found that has worked well. The youngest in our families is now 10 and she found out about Father Christmas last year. It hasn't spoiled the childrens fun and they didn't tink that we had been lying to them when they found out.
In fact my 3 are now grown up. 23.20 and 18 and they still love having stokings and pretending about Fahter Christmas.
What I'm actually trying to say we treted it all like a fairy story.

Believe me, people do get huffy! Check out some of the replies in this thread alone, plus the whole telling people they are ruining the magic of childhood etc

I am partly influenced by a (mad) ex-colleague who spent somewhere between £4-9k (can't remember now, except it was stupidly expensive) on a three day FC experience trip to Lapland for her and her 9yo (I think) DD because her daughter was just starting doubt FC and she wanted to convince her for a few more years and a friend's nephew but at this point I am going to be lazy and copy and paste from my own post on this last year

"I have a friend whose young nephew still believed when he got to secondary school and who had to be sat down and given the talk by his parents. He was devastated, not just because FC didn't exist, but also to find out that his parents had been lying to him his entire life.

I feel really odd lying to DD about it, and possibly lying for the best part of a decade. I think you can still have fun with it even if you know it's fantasy - the difference between willing suspension of disbelief and just belief. DH disagrees and thinks I am ruining Christmas for DD. "

Sorry, I can't be arsed to read this whole thread.

So your son will be brought up in the church and won't ever have the delight of waiting for FC's visit. And you'll be considering home schooling him (though actually he's still a baby).

Why would you consider home schooling a child who is already being denied access to mainstream culture and "brought up in the church".

You are doing him no favours whatsoever - though perhaps if you're going to tell him that FC is a lie then home schooling is the best option because I'm sure the other mothers at school will love you when he lets that slip to the whole reception class.

Are you for real?

THE ALMIGHTY "stomps off in a huff to smite Rudolph, Donna and Blixen"

What did Donna do ? Is this Mrs clauses real name?

I am a Christian too but have no problem with 99% of my kids mainstream school life (although they are only at primary school). The benefits they get from mixing with a whole cross section of children and a brilliant education far outweigh any superstitions or ideas they pick up. Non believers probably have more issues with the religious input in schools TBH.

OP you are thinking too hard about this. When pressed I have told my DC that FC is in memory of a real person St Nicholas, and the dressing up etc is part of the fun and tradition of Christmas. They seem to be coping with this and I haven't been excommunicated from the playground.

Personally I detest the way Jesus has been expunged from Christmas, (at toddler group they would only sing When Santa got stuck up the chimney and weren't allowed Little Donkey ) but that's our call to redress the balance in our own family.

I remember somebody once posting on this matter that FC, tooth fairy etc were all part of the theatre of childhood and I thought that was a great way to put it. Be in the world, not of it. Believe me Halloween will cause you a lot more headaches.

We don't do Santa, DS1 knows that some people believe in him and think that he brings them presents. He also knows that some cultures worship cows, some religions believe this and others believe that.

This has not caused an issue at school, our school is a good blend of different cultures/faiths so there isn't one big group who do believe.

People can do what they like, if they want to do Santa well fine with me, I don't want to so am not going to and I expect people to extend us the same consideration.

OP, are you wishing to homeschool because of this particular belief?

Are you not allowed to think about how your children will be educated until they reach a certain age, martha?

Ditavoncheese

The lapland 'experience' is very extreme. Most families don't go to such lengths and expense to preserve the mystery of FC! We like the FC in our house but we don't spend loads of money and we don't buy our children everything they want. Please don't think that everyone who supports the FC fun is massively buying into all the other commercial crap that goes with Christmas.

My uncle dressed up as FC one year to bring us our presents. I was very wee at the time. Not quite sure what I thought of it...knew there was something a bit fishy about it all but couldn't quite put my finger on it. It was fun and memorable. Rates quite highly as one of my most significant childhood Christmas memories; as do the carol services, the Christingle I once went to and singing carols in the old folks' home. I was raised in a vaguely Christian way but am no longer a Christian. Nonetheless, I remember those Christian aspects of childhood Christmases with fondness.

It's a real shame that your friend's nephew was so upset by finding out. I would imagine it's pretty unusual for children to still believe at that age. For most children, it's a slow realisation rather than a shock discovery and I think most can cope with it.

I don't remember being saddened by it. I was far more scared when I got to 20-odd and had some of those more profound realisations about life.

I know that my crazy ex-colleague was at the extreme end of things, but I still think the flour footprints/bells outside the window etc are a bit odd. I don't object to anyone doing them though :)

I think one of my grandfathers dressed up as FC but we knew it was him (and found his outfit afterwards) - it was still fun. We didn't not have FC btw, it's just that my parents didn't go out of their way to convince us and I was ill at Christmas when I was 4 and saw them filling my stocking so the gig was up after that (though I discussed it with them recently and it seems they think that we believed a lot longer than we actually did, because we went along with the game of leaving out pies etc).

Mmm jellytots - I loved Christingle!

Greenlotus

I am a Christian too but have no problem with 99% of my kids mainstream school life (although they are only at primary school). The benefits they get from mixing with a whole cross section of children and a brilliant education far outweigh any superstitions or ideas they pick up. Non believers probably have more issues with the religious input in schools TBH.

far outweigh any superstitions or ideas they pick up. I love the irony of that line :o

Excuse me but religion is superstition

Yes I know it is, to you though not me. It cuts both ways. I couldn't think of another shorthand for "excessive emphasis on Father Christmas, Halloween and Easter Bunny".

Greenlotus, yes, but I am aware that none of them including God exists.

That wasn't the point of the OP though, I was addressing her as somebody who presumably does believe God exists. You are welcome to differ. I believe this has been debated on MN once or twice before so I'm not going to enter into it here, thanks all the same.

It's not a 'lie'. It's a bit of Christianity that has evolved and mixed with a bit of an older religion.

Can you not see that it's OK for people to beleive different things without it being a problem? Your son will be told that Christmas is about Christ's birth. Other children will be told it is about fun and getting things. Most of them will be told it is a mixture of everything. He doesn't need to tell other children that FC is a 'lie' and more than other children need to tell him that Christianity is a 'lie'.

cory if you read my further posts I said similar. Jesus as a historical figure may have existed but as for being 'son of god'.....pah!

I think childhood should be magical, as I have said, including the tooth fairy, easter bunny, Santa etc etc. Why does believing in god mean the magic has to be taken away?? I am a complete heathen and have no religious beliefs so I am biased, but there is nothing worse than dour, serious god botherers.

I hasten to add, I don't think all Christians are dour serious god botherers. Just the ones who take life very seriously and have no magic in their lives in case it offends 'him'.

Haven't read all the thread, so apologies if it's already been said, but what about telling the story of St Nicholas aka Santa Claus?

I have to say I hate lying and when dd aged 5 asked me if Father Christmas was real I had to say no. DH nearly killed me for telling her, but I couldn't have lied. It's never put her off putting out her stocking on Christmas Eve, though.

There is a big difference between telling your child that something is a lie, which wouldn't be entirely true, as FC is a make believe rather than a lie, and feeling that if you tell your child FC is real you yourself are lying.

i dont understand why some posters are criticising the OPs religeon?

the op believes in a certain thing.

that is a given.

the grey area is FC.

i have a friend who didn't introduce fc to her children, explained that other pople believed in it, but that they believed it was about jesus.

we are the same religeon. i believe that they can have magic of fc and jesus.

if you think that your child will probably only be aware of fc from the age of 3 and totally know its bollocks by the age of 9, then you only have 6 xmases

l

Regarding 'depriving them of the magic':

I was brought up with the idea that Father Christmas didn't exist, but it was also explained that some children did believe in him, and that telling them otherwise would be unkind.

I still went through a stage of believing in fairies.

I think children will find magic in life one way or another, regardless of what their parents tell them.

I think that you are quite right Ryuk-some parents have this odd view that their DCs believe everything they are told!
I think that I was always told that fairies were make believe but I had a stage of believing I might see them.
Once DCs can read they have the opportunity of receiving many different views. I was a fluent reader early on and a real book worm.One of my favourite books was one of Christmas traditions, including St Nicholas, and I think that I would have been really taken with the story regardless of parental views.