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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my son the truth?

248 replies

MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:32

Evening ladies,
Here is my predicament. I know most of you go ott about christmas, however, as born again Christians my dh and I don't want to tell our son about father Christmas, a) because it's lying and b) because we think Christmas is an important celebration in itself.
My mother, also a born again Christian, has said that it isn't fair and I should lead my son down the father Christmas path.
We obviously exchange gifts, but we also sacrifice something to the relevant place (eg a console to the childrens' wing of the hospital etc) and we sacrifice something of use to us that we could do without and someone else can benefit from. My son is only 8 months old but I am seriously considering home schooling, so it's not as if he can "ruin" it for the other children...but I don't feel comfortable with lying about something that is so important to us (this is in no way criticising those of you that do).

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 03/10/2010 18:50

Christmas was nicked from the pagans who used the date to celebrate the middle of winter and swap gifts of food to see them through the harsh weather. They used to have a feast and invite all their friends and family, the trees are used to bring nature inside. Father christmas was scandanavian IIRC, he used to take gifts to the poor.

Katisha · 03/10/2010 18:51

I think you will be doing your son more of a service if he grows up able to distinguish different types of narratives. Trying to protet him from fairy stories and the like is probably rather counter-productive.
Don't let common sense fly out of the window. Let him understand his culture.

shinyrobot · 03/10/2010 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laweaselmys · 03/10/2010 18:52

I would let him read more than the bible though, or he really will be missing out on a lot.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:52

lonnie
"No he doesnt excist but what he stands for being kind giving caring and loving each other that is very real and that is inside each of us and that is part of what we give when we allow the spirit of father christmas into our life"

I belive Jesus said to love and care..

You are SO RIGHT! Jesus did love and care and send us out to do the same, but when I teach my ds to love and care it'll be in the example of Jesus and not FC !

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/10/2010 18:53

OH dear...

Threelittleducks · 03/10/2010 18:53

Can't you teach him the things other people believe too? But then explain that that's not what you guys believe?

That's what I have to do at Xmas, not being christian and having it forced down our throats celebrated every year.

I have never entered a church on xmas, sung hymns, prayed or anything relatively religious, but instead treat it as a winter festival, and am respectful of other's celebrations. Whether that be of Jesus's birthday, or not. I do celebrate (although would prefer not to - I feel quite hypocritical in celebrating something which has no meaning to me, but am finding over time that I can find my own meaning in it, which is to celebrate family, friendships and good things) and will teach my son what others celebrate and why, in a way that he can understand and so that he has a respect for religions. And if he wishes to celebrate nativity etc, then he will be free to do so.

Do like Santa though - it hinges on a child's imagination and is one of the little innocences they have left.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:55

Yeah I was opened up to a massive world of literature and there is a constant debate of Harry Potter in my church-all of which I've read and all of which my dh refuses to....

I think to know and understand ANYTHING is important, as is embracing or rejecting it, perhaps I'll use that formula for fictional reading. Same as FC I guess. As long as he's rejected--

OP posts:
Vallhala · 03/10/2010 18:56

You're a born again Christian?

That would explain it.

But I digress. WRT the topic in hand, it cuts both ways. I'm an Athiest and don't care to have my children fed a load of bull about there being a god and someone called Jesus, although we do celebrate Christmas - it's a cultural thing rather than a religious one in our house. My children got taught all the god stuff at school - in fact at one stage they attended a C/E primary. However, they don't believe in god and view religion as a work of fiction (no doubt because of the way I've brought them up). Ergo I can see no reason why your DS shouldn't view Santa in the same way that my children view god.

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/10/2010 18:57

I don't think I'd get worked up about it, the more you go on about it, the more likely he is to blurt out that FC isn't true to other children. I don't actually think you need to have a conversation, just proceed with Christmas the way you like it, don't buy things with FC on if you don't like them, and if you see a man dressed in a white beard giving out toys in the shopping centre, then just tell the truth, that he's a man dressed up as something we associate with Christmas. Can't be harder than explaining how the drunk older man who practically fell on my children trying to give them a present was not the real FC without giving the whole game away...

perfumedlife · 03/10/2010 18:57

Hmm I bet you enjoyed Christmas as a child.

I think the whole of the Bible is a fairy tale, so in my opinion I won't discuss it with my son so as to not lie.

I still wouldn't deny him Christmas. Isn't the point of childhood innocence and fun? Why not give him Christmas and leave the God stuff until he is old enough to make up his own mind?

juuule · 03/10/2010 18:57

Even Jesus told stories (parables).
I can't see any problem in reading fairy stories such as Hansel and Gretel. Just stories with a moral.

I can't see any problem with explaining Father Christmas/St Nicholas and present giving. You don't have to lie.
What is it that you are trying to avoid?

SE13Mummy · 03/10/2010 18:58

DH and I are Christians and are bringing up our DDs as Christians too but we read them Greek myths, fairy stories and all sorts in addition to stories from the Bible and don't have any problems with Father Christmas. DD1 (almost 6) knows that not everyone believes the same and that not all Christians believe the same. In our home Father Christmas gives gifts at Christmas time precisely because God gave us Jesus.

If you do choose to bring him up without FC at Christmas then please ensure he understands that it is important to keep that to himself...neither you or he will be popular in time to come if he tells other 5-year-olds that FC isn't real.

Kathyjelly · 03/10/2010 18:59

I agree with atswimtwolengths, I think you are barking. Do you always take everything this seriously?

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 18:59

The difference being...Jesus did exist...and while FC may have done he doesn't come into our homes in the middle of the night.

Vallhala...and I don't know why it "explains it". I don't appreciate you being personal from another thread. you stupid earth mother hippy

OP posts:
Yeeehaa · 03/10/2010 18:59

But isn't Christmas a myth anyway, as the Church moved the birth of Jesus to the 25th December to coincide with a pagan festival to bring more followers into the flock?

So rightly or wrongly, this seems a little bit hypocritical to me. Confused

But, it's your house, your family, do what is right for you.

Hassled · 03/10/2010 18:59

Even if you home school, he's going to learn about Father Christmas. If you bring your son up to be any part of society at all, he'll learn about FC. Incredibly naive to think otherwise.

FC is a big part of European mid-winter tradition - so just see it as that, nothing more or less. It happens to coincide with your religious festival - just as the pagan winter solstice more or less coincides with the religious festival, hence Christmas trees etc. Feeding him the FC myth and letting him enjoy the magic of it all is no betrayal of Christianity - it's an addition, not a replacement.

MollieO · 03/10/2010 19:01

It is possible to be Christian and believe in Father Christmas. I don't understand why you think that it isn't. Ds knows the meaning of Christmas but still enjoys getting presents from FC. Last year ds wanted to give his old toys to Jesus to help those less fortunate than himself.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:01

Why must I be mad because I don't want to tell my son that Father Christmas comes into our homes and gives us gifts...and disregard the actual purpose of the festival..when you can all ignore God and push FC down your lo's throats? It doesn't make me mad, it just means I have a different way of raising my son. But I think I've heard enough of what the majority thinks, so thanks for replying :)

OP posts:
MilkNoSugarPlease · 03/10/2010 19:02

I think a child not believing at all in FC, having the magic when they're little...is pretty sad tbh

Regardless of how you feel about it all, being 2/3/4 and being excited about Father Christmas is wonderful

laweaselmys · 03/10/2010 19:02

The way I would think about fictional books is that they are not presented as facts. So are not anything to worry about.

FC is presented as fact, so I can see why you're not keen.

I'm not that keen on FC, and am not religious at all.

Original poster
MuddlePuddle86 · 03/10/2010 19:02

SOrry, how is it possible to believe in a lie AND in the religion that advocates truth?

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 03/10/2010 19:03

Hmm...I say again do whats best for you and your family but always teach tolerance adn respect for others and their beliefs..I'm a christian and I dont celebrate christmas..go figure Wink

ShirleyKnot · 03/10/2010 19:03

Well, I was just about to say that there was no need for the nasty responses about the OP being barking mad etc; but I see that the OP has responded in kind and therefore...Biscuit

perfumedlife · 03/10/2010 19:05

I was taught at RC School that most of the stories in the Bible were parables, i.e. made up, fantasy.

What's wrong with letting your child have Father Christmas, it still symobolises Christ's birthday, and being kind.

Your stance is exactly what turns me off religion, taking itself far too seriosly. Life is meant to be enjoyed,, especially childhood.

Why are born agains even more evangelical than original christians?