To dislike strangers telling my children off

[Anenome]

Right...before I get too many "It take a village to raise a child" comments Let me just say that I am all for people supporting parents in a tactful way if their DC's are having a meltdown. But today in M&S my 2 year old was having a little argument with me...not screaming...not kicking or yelling...she was just saying "I hold it! I hold it!" over and over again in a shrill voice...as they do!

As she was talking about a large box of cakes I was about to pay for, I kept pushing her and saying "No, but later you can eat one" and similar platitdes....anyway...an M&S assistant suddenly stepped right in front of our path....stopped e in my tracks..I actually thught I must have dropped something...she knelt in front of my DD and said in a stern voice..."Now! You must behave!" No smile....

I immediately wheeled around her and said "NO! If there is any telling off to do, then I do it...not you"

And carried on... as I was slightly fuming ...my DD is quite shy...and who on earth did this bloody woman think she was!?

As I left the woman beind, she started shrieking with laughter...(witch like laughter!) and LOUDLY...SO I turned and said "It's not funny either!"

I thinkt the laughter was due to a nervous reaction...but really...I am I being unresonable?

I TOTALLY like it when elderly ladies and the like, will come up and smile and distract a yelling or grumpy toddler...thats ok!

But you dont kneel in front of my child and stop me in my tracks to do it!

Also, another issue I have is my DC's learrning that not ALL aduts have the right to tell them what to do...

still

I think the OP is BU.
The original story was bad enough but her subsequent postings imply that she thinks the world revolves around her and her parenting style. I really dislike the 'my baby, my rules' mantra: why do you think that you can inflict your misbehaving child on the rest of us and we have no choice but to put up with it.

How many people do you think go through M&S on an average day? How many toddlers in pushchairs? If this woman, who deals with the public on a daily basis, thought that your child's behaviour was bad enough to make a comment then doesn't that give you pause for thought?

If you are so concerned about the stress caused to your precious second born may I suggest that you don't selfishly drag her round the shops for hours on end in future.

I'm hiding this thread now also.

It's just a baying witch hunt, and the personal attacks are a disgrace.

Anenome, if you do pop in to lurk, I think you are doing a wonderful job.

I does take a village to raise a child, but when the parent is there and doing very well, then the village is interfering if they stick their oar in.

And Bruffin - of course this thread is about the OP, she is the Original Poster after all.... we must presume everyone is telling the truth, otherwise what is the point?

Its not o.k. to tell someone elses child off, these days.
I'm not saying thats right. I'm just saying its the way it is.
Our neighbour has been telling some of the local children off. The parents are in uproar about it.
Maybe it was o.k. years ago, but generally in school now-a-days etc, its all gently gently. children aren't used to be told off.
so neighbour, almost shouting, frightens kids and makes them cry. parents won't stand for it.
It doesn't matter whether I, you or anyone else thinks this is right or wrong. The fact is, it is not acceptable these days. FACT.

Apologies Anenome, I imagined an extra comma in what you had wrote, therefore misread where you said 'As I left the woman beind' and thought it said 'As I left, the woman behind'...

I do stand by my comment though; whilst you may have been a little annoyed at someone telling your child off, your subsequent reaction was OTT.

I agree with Bruffin, there are two sides to every story and that is not implying the OP is a liar. What one person feels is a 'stern voice' or 'witch-like laughter' may sound completely normal to someone else. I do feel the OP used emotive language too; the assistant said in a 'stern voice' followed by 'she started shrieking with laughter...(witch like laughter!) and LOUDLY', yet the OP only uses the word 'said' when describing her own actions.

'The fact is, it is not acceptable these days. FACT.'

Only a fact if people are cowed into not interferring. It isn't a fact to me-it is perfectly acceptable to me. I wouldn't shout. The parents can complain if they wish, but I don't think they have a leg to stand on.

What was your neighbour telling the local kids off for Oblomov? If nothing that connects to her then I can see that parents in this day and age would tell him/her to butt out but if they were trashing her garden or something like that, then what do the parents expect?

i (and everybody else) have an absolute right to speak to whoever i choose-and that includes your child.

I think it's fine for a stranger to say something to a child if the child is doing something that directly affects that stranger.

So for example if your two year old comes up and whacks me in the leg, I am allowed to go "Ow, that hurt, it's not very nice to hit people".

On the other hand it's pretty officious for people (like the M&S shop assistant here) to intervene when it's not directly affecting them.

But it was in M&S 's shop ,of course it is directly affecting them.

Well not really brass. It's not like she was damaging the products. Yeah ok she was being a bit annoying. Children do that. It's a supermarket, not a silent temple.

Of course, it all depends on quite how loud the OP's DD was being and for quite how long. Which we will never know...

My advice is grow a thick skin!

I think you are Bu.

Shock, horror!!!! some people's children are very annoying and even more shock horror!!!! some people (do not take this as a direct attack on you op)do not discipline their children.

I certainly would discipline/say something to a child IF they were misbehaving and directly affecting me.

Example I have gone out to children-senior school age- and tole them to get off my private propety and stop kicking their ball dirctly at my new car. I have told them to go and kick their ball directly at their parents car and also if they damage my car then I will make their parents pay for the damage.

I haven't read the whole thread, but in the op you said she spoke sternly, not shouted or said angrily, so maybe she was trying to distract your dc in her own way, then YOU shouted, which sounds a bit ott! You admit her laugh was probably a nervous one yet you still found the need to respond further! I am not saying your dc was being 'naughty', but maybe the assistant thought her speaking to her may relieve the situation for you and make life a little easier for you, she may have gone on to say something else more helpful and bending down in front of you, maybe not to 'obstruct' your way but to get down on your dc's level, making herself less intimidating? I wouldn't report such a minor incident, no harm was done really was it?